She wished those four words were enough to satisfy him, but she knew better. It wouldn’t be enough to satisfy his curiosity. It wouldn’t be enough for him to understand.
His hand was still pressed to her lower belly, even though the sheet now covered them both. But that was the only place he touched her. “Had.”
That single word held so much. Sadness. Confusion. Even a touch of anger. Like he was waiting to hear the rest before he decided how he should feel about what she revealed.
“He died.” By saying it, she couldn’t ignore the truth.
“Stella,” he whispered, the tone of his voice changing to tortured. Like what she said actually hurt him.
He’d never feel the pain more than she did. Not even a fraction of it.
She covered her eyes with her hand, fighting back the tears that threatened. And she let the dark emptiness engulf her as she just let the words roll from her. “You carry your child inside you. Shelter him for nine months. And when he’s born, even though it’s painful and unpleasant, all that disappears the second you hear him cry and announce loudly he’s ready to meet the world. You created that little person. It’s the best day of your life. Nothing can ever beat it. Nothing. You brought a piece of yourself into your own world, as well as others. And then you protect him as he learns to roll over, to crawl, to walk. And then...”
The fingers along her lower belly twitched. “And then?”
Her chest felt like it was caving in, crushing her. “It’s gone in a flash. In less time it took for him to come into the world, he’s taken from you. Gone. That light that shone so brightly the first time I held him was gone. Extinguished. Darkened. I’d never hold him, kiss him, hear him say “Mommy” again. Just... gone. Nothing left to hold onto but memories. A hole in your heart so big it seems impossible to fill, so you don’t even try. You try to go on. One day. The next. Then the next. You exist. Nothing else. You even wonder if you want to continue. I brought a piece of me into the world and he was stolen from me. Never to be returned.”
Something tore deep inside of her as she relived that day and that phone call all over again. The call that caused her to throw her phone, to smash it against the wall. She wanted to believe if she wasn’t holding it, if she couldn’t hear it, it didn’t happen. And if she couldn’t hear the voice on the other end, they couldn’t give her the details.
She had collapsed to the floor and curled up in a ball, covering her ears with her hands, not wanting to hear anything.
Because they had to be wrong. It had to be a mistake.
He’d walk in the door at any moment, yelling about how he was hungry and asking if he could have a snack.
But it wasn’t him that walked in, it was her mother, who sat on the floor with her, telling her to breathe. Confirming her nightmare was real.
The person on the other end of the phone hadn’t been lying. It wasn’t a bad prank.
It was true.
It was true and there was nothing she could do to bring him back.
Not one fucking thing.
“Jesus Christ, baby,” Trip murmured against the side of her head, where he had his nose buried. “Can’t even fuckin’ imagine.”
She waited for him to ask how it happened. But he didn’t, he only held her tight. But she needed to finish because eventually he’d want to know, and she never wanted to talk about it again.
If he wanted to hear about Kade’s first eight years of life, if he wanted to see photos, his drawings, his handmade cards, and the rest of the things she had saved, that was one thing. But she never wanted to talk about that last day ever again.
That meant it was now or never.
“My son was the best thing that came from my marriage. We got married young. I had just turned twenty. Some say that you end up with men like your father. Well, that was my first mistake.”
While he wasn’t a member of an MC, he had a similar attitude. She and some of her girlfriends used fake ID’s to get into a bar. It was something they did all the time, but one night they got into a bar for free using their ID’s and flashing their tits to the bouncer.
They laughed about it and had a blast since men were buying them drinks plus the rock band on stage was awesome.
They spent the night dancing and having a great time, and when the band ended its last set, the drummer squeezed between her and her best friend, offering to buy them a drink. But it was only Stella he had eyes for.