“I’m not sure I can give you that.”
“Truth is, want more than one. And I need to put that out there, baby. You need to think about that.”
Her chest was becoming tight, the pressure beginning to crush her. He was asking too much, too soon.
“I don’t know if I can wear your cut, Trip. I don’t know if I can give you sons. I don’t know if I can give you what you want. And if I can’t and you still claim me, anyway... And then you go elsewhere to get what I can’t give you...” She rubbed at the crushing weight in her chest which had turned into an ache.
He rolled enough to put his own weight on her, which made her feel even more suffocated. In the dark, his fingers found her jawline and spread along her cheek. And when he talked, his breath meshed with hers. “Sons or no sons, Stella, I’m not goin’ anywhere else. It’s somethin’ I want. Somethin’ I’ve always wanted. But...” Air rushed over her cheek. “But that’s not gonna change the way I feel about you.”
Until later. Months, maybe years, when he realized he sacrificed something he wanted, something important to him, just to have her.
When he realized she hadn’t been worth giving up that dream.
When he became bitter and blamed her.
When another woman showed up with a son who looked just like Trip.
That would destroy her.
Totally fucking destroy her.
She wanted to ask how he felt about her. No, not ask. Demand an answer.
Because she needed to know.
She also didn’t want to know.
He had broken her heart all those years ago, the day he split open her head.
She wasn’t sure she had a piece of her heart left to give him.
She was worried the little she did have, it wouldn’t take much to rip it right back out of her chest.
He’d been the one filling her darkness with some light. But he could also be the one to extinguish it.
And she wasn’t ready to give him all that power.
She wasn’t sure she could give him everything he wanted.
So, while yes, today had been a great day, now she knew this night would not be the same.
“You can’t do this, Stella, fuckin’ tell me now. Because I am not goin’ to catch your ass in bed with another man. Fuckin’ tellin’ you right now, you’re either with me or you’re not. I need to know.”
He just said nothing would change the way he felt about her, but maybe what he felt wasn’t what she thought.
She could hear the heat in his words when he growled, “Need a solid answer, Stel. Either with me or you’re not. Told Rook he’s either in or he’s out. Nothin’ half-assed. Tellin’ you the same thing. Don’t have the fuckin’ time or patience for games.”
And she did? She wasn’t playing games. She just couldn’t make a decision like that. Not now, not yet. “Why can’t we continue as we are?”
What was wrong with what they currently had? Why did he have to push her?
He jerked against her, his fingertips digging into her cheek. Not enough to be painful, but enough to make her very aware his temper was rising. “Continue what? Us fuckin’? Me gettin’ your ass out of a jam? That all you want? To use me?”
Use him. That was the last thing she wanted to do. But she also didn’t want to feel used.
She needed to shut this down because her own blood was now at a simmer and it wouldn’t take much to bring it to a boil. And that would get neither of them anywhere. Any major decisions needed to be made with a clear head. “I’m done talking about this, Trip. I can’t give you an answer right now. And if you can’t accept that...” She let that hang.
He released her and rolled away, giving her his back. “Then you sleep on it. But I need an answer soon.”
She stared at that back and even in the dark her eyes could see the club’s colors permanently inked into his skin, permanently a part of him.
She reached out to trace them with her fingers, but before she made contact, she balled those fingers into a fist and dropped her hand to the bed instead.
The Tree of Life had meaning for her, it’s why she had it done, just like those colors had meaning for him.
But did they mean the same to her?
Being with Trip would mean being a part of the club. And she wasn’t sure she was willing to be a part of it, too, especially with what she knew was involved. Being BFMC as a girl had not been the best experience, and not only did he want her to be involved, he wanted her to have his children and involve them, too.