“A typical day for my mom would be to come home from work and drink until she blacked out. Every damn night. I’d find her on the couch passed out. Sometimes on the floor. I once found her in the empty tub with a bottle still in her hand. She stopped caring about herself. Whether she lived or died.”
“She stopped carin’ about you and Reilly.” Whether they lived or died.
“I’m not sure she ever cared about Reilly. I think she had this drunken misconception that it was Reilly who caused my father to leave. I believe she got pregnant on purpose to try to hold onto my father. But it was her own drinking that caused him to leave, not an unplanned pregnancy. I had heard the arguments about her alcoholism for years before he left.”
“A real man woulda taken his kids with him. Or at least handed them off to relatives who could raise them.” The same way his parents raised Judge and Jemma. No way would his mother allow her niece and nephew to make their way in the world on their own. And Judge had been older than Reese at the time. Ten wasn’t old enough to raise a baby. Ten wasn’t old enough to handle the responsibilities of a household. Ten wasn’t old enough to take on the adult world.
“Well, he never even said goodbye, so I guess he didn’t give a shit about what happened to us. I’m not sure if he sent my mother money every month. If he did, she probably drank every dime of it.”
“You raised Reilly on your own.”
“I did my best to raise her as my own. I never told anyone about my mother. Or the fact my father abandoned us. My biggest fear was that CPS would discover we didn’t have a responsible parent in the house, and they’d split us up. I couldn’t allow that to happen. I would not allow that to happen. My sister didn’t ask to be born or ask for irresponsible parents—”
“Neither did you. Did she buy food and pay the bills, at least?”
“My mother went from job to job. While she managed to earn just enough money to keep us surviving, it was up to me to get everything from groceries and diapers to school supplies. If I didn’t do it, it didn’t get done and we went without. The only good thing was, where we lived, I could walk to stores. I learned to cook, learned to forge my mother’s name on the checks to pay the rent, the utilities and everything else. Then when I was old enough to get a job, I did and squirreled away every cent so I could get us as far away from where we were. From the lifestyle we were living. I swore to Reilly we’d never live like that again. Swore it. I told her the only direction to go from where we started was up. I was determined to prove to her we would not end up a product of our environment. We would do better. Be better.”
He could taste the drive and determination in her words. He’d been allowed to be a kid. She never had that. All because of selfish motherfucking parents.
“Eventually, I felt nothing for her. I only saw her as a source of income for us to survive. I hated my father, too. For abandoning us. Because in truth, we were orphans. We were on our own.”
“You did more than a lot of parents, Reese. You should be proud of that.”
“I had no choice.”
“Yeah, you did. But your other choices sucked. Is your mom still alive?”
She stared blankly at the ceiling for a long moment. “I don’t know.”
“Do you care?”
“I don’t.”
“Does Reilly?” he asked.
“I’m not sure.”
“She never said?”
“If she did, I think she wouldn’t tell me for fear of hurting me.”
“’Cause you’re more her mom than sister.” And that was fucked up.
“She knows what I sacrificed to raise her.”
She sacrificed her whole fucking childhood.
He reached out and snagged her hand, interlacing their fingers. She was tense and it wasn’t surprising. He had even tensed up while listening to her. He’d wanted to reach into her past and punch her father the fuck out. He wished he could go back and be with her. To help her. To relieve some of that burden. “Never got the chance to be a kid.” That explained why she had a hard time letting loose. Having fun. Just enjoying life. She didn’t know what it was like. It didn’t come naturally.
Her voice was thick when she said, “I swore we’d never live like that again. Never live day to day, wondering if we’d have enough money for our next meal. Wondering if the next day the electricity and water would be shut off. Wondering if my mother might not ever come home.” Her fingers squeezed his tight. “But it drove me to make something of myself.”