“So it’s not that you think I’d pull a dick move like that, but you wanted to warn me not to make a dick move like that.”
“No! I don’t think you’re an ass**le, I just think you’re both . . . maybe not thinking about what it means if you get together just because you’re alone.”
“So you came down here to make sure I wasn’t trying to get close with your sister because you didn’t think I would try to get close with your sister?”
“Yes!”
“You’re not making any sense!” He turned his back on me and walked a few steps in the other direction, and then turned to face me. “Or maybe you are.”
I watched him for a long time. I wasn’t sure if I was embarrassed or angry or both, but that smug smile that I hated and loved was spread wide across his face. I flipped my wrist and showed him my middle finger. “Maybe you are an ass**le.” I turned on my heels for the stairs, but Joey flipped me around and then his mouth was on mine. After the initial surprise, I gripped his skin and pulled him against me just as his tongue slid into my mouth. He smelled like two days of sweat and dirt, and I’m sure I did, too, but I couldn’t get close enough to him. I wanted more of his mouth on mine, more of his arms around me, more of his hands on more of my skin, but he pulled away.
By the look on his face and the glimmer of sadness in his eyes, kissing me had brought back a memory. Maybe I deserved it, loving someone else who loved someone else.
“Wow, I’m sorry,” he whispered, stumbling backward. “I can’t believe I just did that.”
“It’s okay,” I said, reaching out for him, desperate to make him feel better.
“I can’t do this to Dana.”
My eyes filled with tears. “You’re not doing anything wrong. I know you loved her, but Dana’s not here.”
“But Bryce is.”
His words sliced through me like an axe. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, but I was.
“We’re going all the way to Shallot again,” he said. “I’ve got an early morning and a long day, and when we get back, Skeeter wants to dig ditches around the perimeter. I need to rest.”
I nodded, stepping backward a few times before finally opening the door. It would have been just my luck to run into someone, maybe even Bryce, as I retreated into the living room with wet cheeks. When I walked in, I was alone. Nathan and Zoe had more than likely heard us go outside, and probably heard us yelling. Everyone probably heard us yelling.
I wiped my eyes quickly, and took a few steps toward the laundry room. I could hear Scarlet’s whisper in my mind. I wouldn’t. If she were still married to Andrew and stuck in this house with him and Nathan, maybe she would.
I lost my nerve, and then crept back into my bedroom, took one look at Bryce sleeping on my side of the bed, and sat in the chair in the corner. He usually fell asleep fairly quickly after his head hit the pillow, so he did that when he was waiting for me to come to bed, knowing he would wake up when I pulled the covers back to crawl in to my side. I wasn’t sure if I’d stayed with him so long because I loved him, or if I just didn’t have a good enough reason to ask for an ending. Either way, I was crawling in bed with the man who loved me, wishing he was the man I loved.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Nathan
“Need more water?” Miranda called.
I poked my head over the edge. “Sure,” I said. It was hard to guess on top of the roof, but I was willing to bet the temperature was easily over 100 degrees.
Miranda climbed the ladder with another large glass, taking my nearly empty one.
“You know what I miss?” I said. “Ice.”
Miranda smiled. “Oh my God. I do, too. But I’m sure we’ll get some this winter, and then we won’t miss it so much.”
I laughed. “You’re probably right.”
Miranda climbed back down, and I squinted from the glare. Scarlet and the others had been clearing for three days, and I hoped they would be back soon. I’d seen a pillar of smoke earlier that morning in that direction, and I hoped it wasn’t some sort of signal from them that they needed help. I didn’t bother telling Miranda. We couldn’t risk taking the girls, and it was too dangerous for one of us to go alone, anyway.
I ate lunch on the roof, and then climbed down, waiting to make sure Miranda got situated up top before I went inside. Elleny was tidying up after lunch, and Zoe was coloring on the few nubs left of her crayons. I hoped that if Scarlet had time to stop at the store in Shallot, she would think to pick up Zoe some more—if they had any—and then I laughed at how oddly normal that thought was.
“Nathan! I see them!” Miranda yelled. Her voice was muffled, so I wanted to be sure I heard her right.
“You see them?” I said, stepping out onto the porch. She didn’t answer, so I crawled up the ladder. She was looking through her scope, her lip quivering.
“What is it? What do you see?” Miranda looked at me then, her eyes red and threatening to fill with tears.
After they got a little closer, I squinted in their direction “Don’t panic,” I said, realizing what had her so upset. “It might not be what you think.”
I turned, watching the group cut across the yard. I crawled down the ladder, with Miranda right behind me, and met Scarlet just in front of the porch. It was obvious the news wasn’t good.
“I’m sorry,” she said, looking to Miranda. “I’m so sorry.”
Miranda’s hands shook as she covered her mouth. “No.”
“We were pinned down. He was going to lead them away, but he never came back.”
Miranda sucked in a breath. Elleny and Zoe came outside. Elleny hugged Scarlet tightly, and Zoe hugged Skeeter.
“Are you sure? Did you look for him?” I asked.
Skeeter nodded, his eyes sad. “I found him. I put him down.”
Miranda fell on her knees and wailed, covering her face. Ashley came outside wide-eyed, and kneeled beside her sister. “Are you okay?” she asked. She looked up at us. “Where’s Joey?”
Bryce stared down at Miranda, blank-faced. “He didn’t make it.”
Miranda leaned forward and screamed, unable to conceal her pain. Ashley held her, glancing up at Bryce. He was tearing up, watching his girlfriend mourn Joey the way Ashley had mourned Cooper. Finally, it became too much, and he went into the house.