Grinder (Seattle Sharks 1)

My heart stilled in my chest.

“I haven’t been since the day that I left her. But he...he never wanted kids, and I knew she’d be better off with you anyway. I was always too selfish for parenting, and you took to it so naturally.” She forced a pained smile. “You have no clue how jealous of her I was—that she had so much of your love, such devotion. Or how jealous I was of you and your ability to bond with her like it was the most natural thing in the world.”

“It was,” I said softly.

She nodded. “I know. For you it was.” She leaned over and pulled something out of her purse, bringing it to the top of the table.

Holy shit, it was the papers.

Her breath shook on the exhale and she pushed them across the table. “They’re signed, as promised. I was clinging to something that didn’t exist, and honestly trying to punish you for something that wasn’t your fault.”

“Helen…” I whispered, glancing at her signature and the notary’s before tucking them into my suit coat like they were...well, what they were—Lettie’s chance. My chance. Our chance.

She shook her head and waved me off. “Don’t. Scarlett deserves better. She deserves to have Bailey as a mom. You guys are more of a family than we ever were.”

I blinked. She was saying all the right words, had signed all the right papers, but I still couldn’t believe that she was giving up. “Don’t get me wrong—I’m thankful for this. More than you’ll ever know. But why now?”

“Well, Roy and I have been in some counseling, and I’ve been doing a little self-exploration and accountability, as our therapist says.” She took another sip.

“So this is all part of your process?”

“Whatever. Don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“It just feels too easy.” Easy like I needed to check and make sure the papers hadn’t disappeared out of my own pocket.

Her eyes narrowed. “For you. It’s easy for you. I did some really hard thinking and decided that as her mother, I owed her the best life possible. That life is with you and doesn’t include me.”

“We could have worked something out, you know. We could have still co-parented.”

She shook her head. “As much as I know what my responsibility was...I just…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to be a mother. I like the idea of it, but that’s as far as that goes.”

I nodded. “Thank you.” I held it together, shoving all of my feelings on the back burner. “I have to ask. Was there anything I could have done to make you stay?”

“No, I was already so far gone.” She tilted her head and really looked at me. “But I wonder what would have happened if you’d come after me—fought for me.”

I took a long sip of my water, knowing that there was no reality in which I would have chased her. Not when she’d abandoned the little girl she’d given birth to. “I wonder,” I said to appease her, but my mind strayed to Bailey. I have to ask. Was there anything I could have done to make you stay?

Jesus. I hadn’t even fought or tried to really see her side. I’d looped her in with Helen and shoved her away. But hadn’t she already proved she wasn’t Helen? She’d been in contact with Lettie every week. She hadn’t abandoned us, she simply wasn’t physically present...but even though I was still angry with her for leaving, I knew she’d left her heart behind with us.

She wasn’t Helen.

“What now?” she asked with a sad smile as our food arrived.

“Now we have lunch,” I answered.

“As what?”

“As two people who used to know each other really well,” I answered.

“Yeah,” she said softly as our plates were placed in front of us. “I’d like that.”

Then I did something I never thought possible—I had a civil, even funny conversation with the woman I’d assumed I’d spend the rest of my life with. There was no anger, no harsh feelings, just a slight breath of sadness.

After Helen left, and I’d paid, I made my way to the front of the restaurant, my thoughts a nauseating blur. Two blondes eye-fucked me from the bar, but I kept going. Bailey was the last woman I’d been inside, and it was going to stay that way.

Every emotion assaulted me as I hailed a cab back to the hotel. Joy, disbelief, gratitude, and a twinge of sadness that Helen would never fight for Lettie—they all mixed together. We had a chance, now. A real chance of being a complete family without Helen’s shadow...as soon as I figured out how to get Bailey back. We weren’t complete without her, and I was done living this half life.

I wanted my woman back.

It was fifteen minutes back to the hotel, and by the time we pulled up to the doors, I’d already made every arrangement I’d need.

“How did it go?” Mom asked as I came into our suite.

“She signed. It’s over.”

“Oh, thank God.” Her shoulders sagged in relief. “Lettie is in her room watching that movie again.”

“I swear, I’ll never understand why she loves that movie so much,” I said as I tossed my coat on the oversized chair.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Mom asked.

“No,” I answered, my head already in the closet, yanking my suitcase out.

“Gage, when did she start watching it?”

“Around the time that Bailey came.” I paused at the door to my bedroom as it hit me. “The dad falls in love with the nanny.”

“Bingo.”

A slow smile spread across my face. I’d fallen for Bailey. Fully, hopelessly, completely, and if I had anything to say about it, I was going to love her for the rest of my life. We’d have a crazy, paint-messed house that was full of laughter, love, chaos and kids.

“Hey, Mom, you’ve been amazing to travel with us—”

“Well, I know you can’t stand to be separated from Lettie for more than a few days,” she said with a kind smile.

I hated leaving Lettie...but I had to.

“Yeah, well, you’re the only person besides Bailey that I trust with her. I need a favor.”

“Anything,” she answered instantly.

“I need you to take her home to Seattle after the game. I’m going to be gone for about a week, but I’ll be home for Christmas, I promise.”