She smiles even wider at the risk that’s clear in my eyes. “I was just going to suggest taking off my boots. What were you thinking?”
My tongue in your mouth. My cock so far inside of you.
My gaze darkens, and I try to ignore her silly smile and roaming hands that grip the bike seat and then drift to her thighs. Some part of her is always moving.
I say, “Something that’s too fucking dirty for your virginal ears.”
She sits up like me, and her chest is only an inch or so from mine. I set my hand on her knee to keep her from scooting any closer.
She says in a more serious voice, “I lost my virginity when I was fifteen.”
“I meant that you haven’t popped your cherry on a motorcycle. I know you aren’t a virgin.” She asked her sister for sex advice on her sweet sixteen trip, and I was there to help Lily chaperone. I was filling in for my brother who was in rehab, and Daisy pretty much said that she already had sex. I just wish her first time wasn’t so fucking awful.
And I kind of wish she stopped at the first guy and waited for someone better. Like…no one. I don’t think anyone is good enough for her. Yeah, it’s fucking selfish. I don’t care.
I add, “I’m not surprised that you lost it that young either.”
She nods. “Because my older sister is a sex addict.” As if that fucking makes her one?
“No, because you try a lot of stuff, and I’m sure you felt like you were missing out on something.”
Her lips rise a little. “When did you lose it?”
“I was fifteen too,” I say. “I was with an eighteen-year-old girl.” My first time was on a fucking golf course at three in the morning.
Daisy digests this. “So you like older women then?”
“I like all women, sweetheart.”
She wears a crooked smile. “You like me?”
Fuck me. “Daisy—”
She holds up her hands, her palms touching my chest because there’s no fucking room. I go rigid beneath them. “I know, sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” She drops her hands quickly, her breath heavy.
I try not to look at her as anything more than she can be. But she’s gorgeous, not because she has this natural fucking beauty—no makeup and bold green eyes, smooth skin and a delicate face.
She’s beautiful because she can make the saddest person in the world grin. And she can make the loneliest guy feel something more. She’s youthful and wild. Primal and really fucking innocent. She’s all these things that scream big fucking risk.
“You know, I’ve only had sex with six guys in my entire life,” she announces.
I stiffen. “Yeah?” I don’t really want these details, even though a part of me masochistically craves them. “For some, six guys would be a lot at eighteen.”
She shrugs. “I was testing out the waters.”
“And how were those fucking waters?” I snap. I shouldn’t have asked. But I do. And I’m not going to take it back.
I wait for her to answer because I know she will.
DAISY CALLOWAY
I should really rethink hashing out my sexual history to my sister’s boyfriend’s older brother. (Yeah, it’s a tongue-twister.) But you know, I started so now I have to finish. I try not to half-ass things. Go full force, Daisy. No hitting the brakes. Yeah, I can do this.
I stare at his eyes that are hard and harsh, never softening for me. Our close proximity doesn’t really alleviate anything between us, but I like his closeness too much to jump off the motorcycle. And hey, he’s not moving either. Good signs, I think.
“The first guy sucked,” I tell him. “We did it once. It lasted like thirty seconds.” I should probably blush, but that time feels ancient. I just remember sitting up in his bed and being like that’s it? That’s sex? What the hell is so awesome about it?
Ryke keeps his face unreadable, just dark and brooding. Okay. I can continue without crumbling under his intense silence. Go, go, go.
I lick my lips and say, “And the second guy, we did it a couple times. He lasted maybe three minutes.”
“How old were these guys?” he asks.
“Only a few years older than me. I mean, I’ve dated guys in their late twenties, but we couldn’t have sex. I wasn’t eighteen yet.” And I wasn’t about to break the law and have a guy thrown in jail for sleeping with me.
“I’ve met most of the older guys you’ve dated,” he reminds me. “They were complete fucking morons by the way.”
“They weren’t that bad.”
“Julian?” he says. “You think he was better than a fucking rat?”
“Connor called him an ape.”
“Connor gave him too much fucking credit.”
“Connor also called you a dog,” I say with a crinkled nose. “Do you think I’m the cat to your dog or am I like a squirrel?”
“How’d we get to this place?” he asks like this is the stupidest ‘fucking’ conversation.
“I’m a hamster, aren’t I?” I stick out my bottom lip.
“You’re not a fucking hamster.” He rolls his eyes and runs his hand through his hair. I don’t think he realizes how hot he is when he does that. “You’re a bird.”
“A bird.”
“Yeah a fucking bird that won’t stop flying or squawking.”
“Like an eagle?”
“You’re prettier than an eagle.” He rolls his eyes again. “Fuck.”
“You called me pretty.” I poke his chest, my smile overtaking my face.
He stares at me hard. “Julian,” he finds the beginning of our conversation. “You still like him? Because if you do, we need to have a heavy fucking talk.”
I shake my head quickly. “No, I don’t like him.”
Julian actually really scared me. He went on a trip to the Alps with all of us. I didn’t realize how in over my head I was until I tried to break up with him, and he wouldn’t listen to me, as if I was too young to really understand. Maybe I was. I don’t know anymore. All I know is that I don’t want to be afraid of the person I’m with. That isn’t a danger I like.
“And just so you know,” I say, “I haven’t been ecstatic by some of the girls you’ve chosen. One of them called Lily a slut.” And behind Ryke’s back, she literally pulled my hair. Hard.
“I broke up with her the second she said that,” he reminds me. “You were with that idiot for months.”
“I tried breaking up with him,” I retort. “I even wrote him a letter. It went something like: Julian, I think we’re better as friends. Xoxo Daisy.”
Ryke groans, but his hand unconsciously rises from my knee to my thigh. The affection speeds my heart.
“The hugs and kisses were too much, weren’t they?”
“Who breaks up with someone in a fucking note?”
“Someone who’s scared.” I’m not as fearless as my sisters would like to believe.
“You’re not a fucking coward. You’re just with the wrong guys.” He glances at his hand and takes it off me. Then his brown eyes flit from the small space between our bodies to my gaze again. “Did any of them last longer than five minutes?”
I try to think back. “I think six minutes was the highest.”
“Were you seriously timing them?”
“I was waiting for it to end.”
He grimaces.
I pretty much dislike everything about sex. The before. The during. The after. No moment is fun.
I’ve kept trying to see if it gets better.
It doesn’t.
It’s just a load of uncomfortable and awkward. Nothing about sex gives me that fulfillment that other girls talk about. What is an orgasm? Nerve-spindling? Head-spinning? I’ve had that skydiving and racing my motorcycle down a steep hill alongside Ryke. That’s as orgasmic as I’ve ever been.
“Sex is stupid,” I tell him.
“It is when you’re with guys who can’t satisfy you.”
I flush at his words. “Rose just told me to try it
with more guys and see what happens.”
Ryke looks ready to spring off the bike and go track down my sister. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I thought it was nice. She’s a proponent of experimenting.”
“Says the fucking virgin.”
“She’s not a virgin anymore,” I point out.
Ryke glares. “So she’s slept with one guy her whole life, and she’s telling you to fuck around to find someone. She didn’t fuck around, Daisy. Do you see what I’m getting at?”
“She has no experience with experimenting, got it,” I nod. “I’ve tried to talk to Lily about it, but she’s uncomfortable discussing sex with me.” I shrug. “Sometimes she’ll open up though. It’s just hard finding a day where she feels good enough to do it.”
Ryke relaxes a bit at the mention of Lily’s sex addiction and her shame towards the whole subject.
“Maybe I’m doing something wrong,” I say. “Is it normal for guys to last so short?”