“Yeah, I could tell you were on something,” he says. “You were fidgeting all morning.”
“Ripped Fuel only makes me fidgety when I drink caffeine with it. Otherwise they’re just normal diet pills.” But they’re like a shot of endorphins, possibly the biggest boost I can get without heading towards cocaine and other illegal substances.
“Well, I’ll help calm you down,” he says, one of his hands reaching out and rubbing my shoulders. That’s exactly what I wanted. Despite the coke, maybe my choices in men are improving.
With his free hand, he takes his rolled dollar bill and snorts both lines. He wipes his nose, and then when he turns to me, his glazed eyes trace my lips. He guides me to the bed, the back of my legs hitting the mattress, and my heart races.
“You’re really beautiful, Daisy,” he says. And then he plants his lips right on mine, waiting not even two seconds before his tongue chokes me. It’s not that bad. I try not to gag for air, but his mouth overtakes my face, slobbering on my chin.
I hate kissing.
So very much.
I distract him by pulling off his shirt, forcing his lips to break from mine. He wears a crooked grin, his pupils like little pinpoints. I wait for Ian to hike me up on the bed, to set me by the pillow and press his body weight against me. The image flushes my skin.
But instead, he climbs onto the bed and pulls me down on top of his chest so that I’m in a perfect position to ride him.
And then he puts his hands underneath his head in relaxation. Maybe we should just skip all the awkward foreplay anyway. I did that with numbers three and four, and I saved myself an uncomfortable hour. But what’s the point of all of this if we have a quickie and then he just leaves? I want him to spend the night, don’t I?
So I begin to kiss his broad shoulders and suck on his hard abs and his muscular chest. He watches me and lets out a groan every so often.
“Lower, baby,” he urges. One of his hands has come out of hiding behind his head, but his fingers grip his hair, his mouth open as he gets off on what I’m doing. “Uhh, yes.”
I unbutton his jeans and unzip. His erection is visible through his red briefs. I stop touching him so I can yank off my sweater, no bra since my boobs are pretty small. I stand up on the bed, my body off of his, and I unzip my own shorts. He watches me with a heady expression, and I know he’s feeling the effects of the drugs.
He sits and runs his hands up my legs, his palms coarse on my smooth skin. He brings me back down on his lap the moment I step out of the jeans. Everything seems more mechanical than sensual.
“I want you here,” he says to me. He grabs my hand and brings it to his crotch, helping me find his penis. Not that I needed any help doing that. My head buzzes with erratic energy, the kind that has my skin all tingly and my heart pounding a little too hard. It’s making it difficult to discern how I feel about this current situation, me on top, gripping his dick.
He plunges his tongue into my mouth again while he moves my hand up and down his shaft. Thankfully he breaks this kiss to groan. He stares down between our bodies, at the place where my small hand is underneath his large, where I’m touching his erection, warm to my fingers.
I rest my forehead on his chest. I think I just want something more than this. I don’t even know what that more is. I keep searching and searching with guys. Is this really it? Maybe something’s still off. I have no sense of attraction, no true nerve-spindling sensations yet. The only electrifying feelings are coming from my caffeinated concoction.
He forces my head back so that he can stare at my breasts while I give him a hand job. I don’t think I’m being attentive or doing very good work, but I don’t think that matters to him. I think the idea of me, a young blonde girl (famous), on top of him is all the stimulation he needs.
He kisses my neck now. But before he even sucks on my nape, his lips descend to my chest. His tongue flicks over my nipple, and then he bites it, hard. I wince, a high-pitched noise leaving my mouth, the sound so audible. Ow. Ow. Ow.
He must take my noise as approval or pleasure because he bites harder.
I shove him off with a push on his abs. But he grabs my wrist and brings my hand back to his dick. He guides my face into his shoulder, as though consoling me, but not really because his other hand travels to my backside.
“Have you taken it in the ass before?” he asks with a heavy grunt. He moves my hand lower on his dick.
“Once,” I tell him. My boob throbs. I should end this. But maybe it’ll be better if I just wait a little longer. Maybe I dislike sex because I don’t try hard enough or I don’t give enough effort. I convince myself to wait it out.
He grabs my ass, and then his finger slips into a hole that has never been penetrated by a finger before. I go rigid, my eyes wide and horrified. Okay, I don’t like this at all. Is this normal? For once, I feel my age, and I’m more aware that I’m in bed with a twenty-five-year-old.
A guy as old as Ryke.
Everything about this feels weird. Physically, emotionally, mentally—I shift and find a way to adjust so he can’t touch me there anymore. I don’t even finish him off. I slide down to his ankles, crouching. “I’m pretty tired,” I lie. “Maybe we can do this another night.”
He gives me a long once-over. “Is it your first time? I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll be more careful.”
“I’m not a virgin,” I say. “I told you, I—”
“You don’t have to lie. I don’t mind that you haven’t been with anyone before. In fact, it’s kind of sexy.” He grins. “I’ll go easy, I promise.” He clasps my hand and pulls me back on his lap.
He’s still hard, and he touches my panties, about to move them aside and then lift me up on his dick. I don’t want to be on top. I don’t want to have sex with him anymore.
“I’m dry,” I tell him. “You’ll hurt me.” My first time, that’s what happened. It was short and really, really painful.
“You’ll get wet once I’m inside of you.” He combs my hair out of my face.
A long time ago, Ryke once said, “What kind of asshole enters a girl on her first time without getting her aroused first?” This asshole.
Ryke’s advice: “You should stay away from any guy who doesn’t make you come at least twice before he fucks you. Keep that in mind.”
Two and a half years later, I have kept it in mind, but I haven’t followed it through. Not all guys are willing to take the time to get me off before the big show.
And maybe that’s what he was saying back then. I shouldn’t be with a guy who focuses on himself first and a woman last.
“I can’t,” I tell Ian. I climb off his lap quickly before he can grab me, and then I collect my sweater, tugging it over my head. When I look back, Ian still lies on the mattress, as though I’ll return any second and straddle him. “I think you should go.”
He licks his lips and then hides his erection in his briefs. He pulls his jeans back over his hips and slides off the bed. “I get it,” he says. “You’re not ready. Maybe tomorrow night?”
“I don’t think I’ll be ready by then. I’m sorry,” I say, meeting his blue eyes.
He nears me a little more, and I try to appear more confident, like Rose. I pull back my shoulders and stand taller. I also paint on a face that I use when I have to look angry during photo shoots. Narrowed eyes. Tightened lips. A dark scowl.
He’s not intimidated by me in the least. “You don’t even want to finish?” he asks.
“I have a boyfriend,” I immediately blurt, hoping that’ll push him out. Maybe if he has morals…
He lets out a short laugh. “If you had a boyfriend, it’d be all over the news, especially if you were caught cheating on him.”
>
“We’re taking a break,” I say. What are you doing, Daisy? “I just don’t feel comfortable sleeping with someone so quickly.”
“I can take a hint,” he says, grabbing his little plastic baggy off the dresser. “If you change your mind, you have my number. Maybe I’ll see you around.” With this, I escort him to the door. He glances back at me and kisses me lightly on the cheek.
I give him a small smile.
And then he departs without another word.
DAISY CALLOWAY
Lock. Lock. Lock. Lock. I speed through the room, checking behind the shower curtain in the bathroom, and then I prop a chair underneath that doorknob. When I finish securing the sliding balcony door, I head to the mirror and inspect my breast that keeps throbbing
I lift my sweater up. I’m bleeding. He bit me so hard that my nipple is not only red and raw, but it’s trickling with blood. Why, why do things like this happen to me? He also sucked so hard that a yellowish tint of a bruise forms on the outside of my breast.
I’ll have to cover it with makeup. Hopefully no one will notice tomorrow. Hopefully the clothes are modest, not too revealing or else the designer may be upset.
Good job, Daisy.
My room is quiet. No one talks. No one makes a sound. I am alone. I replace my sweater with a baggy night-shirt, and I climb onto bed, wearing boy-short panties. I don’t want to take Ambien and experience another nightmare. So I lie awake, flinching at the whoosh of wind blowing into the window, as the ceiling creaks, as voices escalate in the hallway. Every little thing snaps my eyes open the moment they drowsily begin to close.
Okay. New plan. I snatch my laptop out of my rucksack, and I lean against the headboard. No, I will not open social media. But maybe…maybe porn will help. Maybe I haven’t tried masturbating enough to find a climax. Surely I can do this right.
And the task is taking my mind off the possibilities of an intruder. That’s the most important thing.
I pop open my computer…but I have no idea where to even begin. I check the clock. 3 a.m. in Paris. 9 a.m. in Princeton, New Jersey. She’ll be up. I find my cell and make a quick call, putting it on speaker so I can search the internet too.