“You want to do this now?” Ryke questions. I missed the part where Daisy jumped on the counter next to him, sitting by the microwave. She swings her legs and peels an orange while his arm subtly drapes across her shoulders.
“There’s no better time,” Lo says. “We all keep dodging the subject.”
Lily nods. “We need to make a decision soon.” So she did know what he was up to.
Lo adds, “The outside is insane. I never thought anyone could hurt you of all people.” He motions to me, his cheekbones like razors as he glances at my bandaged wound again.
My temple throbs. “If it happens again, someone will lose their fingers and toes, I assure you.”
“It’s not happening again,” Connor proclaims, his stern voice prickling my neck. Don’t turn around, Rose. I stand rigid in place.
Lo focuses on Connor. “Whether it’s you two or Lily and me, we need to think about the worst happening. I can’t let Samantha or my father have custody of Moffy.”
Silence sweeps the kitchen, and tension thickens the longer no one speaks. We’ve all sheltered our opinions about godparents, mostly since there will be hurt feelings in the process. None of us are entirely religious, but we view this decision solely as a guardianship. The godparents will be responsible for our children should something happen to us.
Coconut chows down on kibble, her munching filling the deadened air. Jane slurps her yogurt, and Moffy whacks his hands on his tray table.
“Who’s fucking dying?” Ryke asks, hardly easing the strain.
“Unexpected, shitty things happen,” Loren retorts. “I think we can all agree on that.” His eyes flicker to Daisy’s face, the long scar down her cheek. And then to mine.
Lily raises her hand. “I have something to add.” She clears her throat. “I know that no one wants to say anything in fear of rejecting someone else. But can we all take our emotions out of it and make a decision right here. Please.” Her “please” is heartbreakingly desperate, reminding me that I need to work on mine.
“Says one of the most emotional people in the fucking room,” Ryke mutters under his breath.
I shoot him a scathing look.
“Hey,” Lo snaps.
“Yeah, hey.” Lily’s face scrunches, attempting a glare.
Ryke cringes with remorse and runs a frustrated hand through his thick hair. “I’m emotional too, Lil. I didn’t mean it like it sounded. Sorry.”
Lily accepts the apology with a smile.
Daisy shares her orange with Ryke, splitting the slices in half. “Aren’t Connor and Rose having a million kids?” she asks.
I accidentally glance at Connor again, his features unreadable as he studies me. We haven’t talked about children since our test backfired, but by the parameters of our rules, I think we’re both in agreement that Jane is all we can have.
Don’t think about it, Rose.
I don’t like thinking about this new future, ever.
“Just what the world needs, a Coballoway army,” Loren says, his sarcasm unusually absent.
“We may only have Jane.” I pull back my shoulders to try and accept this outcome, even when it feels off-kilter, like life is unbalanced.
Lo frowns deeply. “What? Since when?”
Lily looks morose. “Is this about what happened with the paparazzi?”
Only Ryke knows about our test, but the reason behind everything remains the same: how can we protect our children? They have no choice whether or not to be in magazines or stalked and traumatized by cameras.
“Yes,” Connor answers. “It’s about the media.”
“If you want more kids,” Lo says, “you should have more kids and not let some shitty fucking journalists dictate what you do.” He nods to Ryke. “Same goes for you, bro. I better be seeing a mini-you one day because I know for a goddamn fact you want a kid.”
Daisy smiles as she bites into an orange slice.
Ryke rolls his eyes. He’s been in our camp since the beginning, afraid of bringing a kid in this environment.
Daisy eases the tension with a brighter smile. “Let’s just assume that Rose and Connor may have more kids. How many were you planning?”
“Eight,” I send the number into the void. When Connor first proposed the amount, I thought he was insane, but the longer we’ve bantered back and forth about eight babies this and eight babies that—it’s become less of a crazed idea, spawned from a verbal battle and egotistical notions. Now it’s become an endearing plan. A family of ten. It sounds strong, he told me.
It does.
But I suppose it’s traveled back to being a fantastical idea once more.
Lily picks at her nails. “Eight?” She seems worried by the number, unsure if she can handle that many.
I find my knife and point it between my two sisters. “Whoever wants to be Jane’s godmother has to make a blood pact with me.”
They both exchange a look like they’re considering volunteering out of the position.
I rest a hand on my hip. “Fine, the blood pact is optional. The godmother part is still mandatory.”
“Ryke and Daisy should do it.” It’s not Lily who voices that opinion.
It’s Loren.
“And why is that?” I ask, slightly crestfallen. Is this headed where I think? Lo and Lily will choose Ryke and Daisy as well. I know I’m not cuddly. I’m cold at first sight. I know the media thinks I don’t love my own child. I’ve said things in my past that condemns me before my actions tell the real truth.
But I’d like to believe that Lily sees how much I love Jane and her son. I’d give him the world as I would my own child. I suppose, secretly, I’ve longed to be the godmother of Lily’s kids. We’ve always been the closest among our sisters, and if Lily left the world with Lo, I’d want the remaining pieces of her as close to me as possible.
I’m not as fun or as daring as Daisy, but I would really, really try to be as compassionate and as loving as Lily—for her.
I stare down at my knife, avoiding everyone’s eyes.
“Kids are stressful,” Lo explains. “Eight sounds like a nightmare. I don’t know if we could do that without…” relapsing, the unspoken word lingers.
“It’s understandable,” Connor says. “Ryke and Daisy were our first choices anyway.”
I glare at the wall. “Ryke, can you tell Connor that this piece of information was unnecessary to share with Loren and Lily?”
Ryke stares past my shoulder. “You fucking got that?” he asks my husband.
Before he can say anything, Lily throws her hands in the air. “We’re not offended. Honestly, I’m glad we’ve made one decision. Two more to go.”
Daisy mock gasps. “Is Coconut on the menu? She could use some godparents. I’m proud to say, she
’s not a bed-wetter.” She cups her hands around her mouth and whispers, “But she snores.”
Ryke messes Daisy’s hair with a rough hand, and he murmurs in her ear, the words almost distinguishable as, I love you, sweetheart.
Loren shoots Lily a look. “A dog godparent?”
Lily nods. “We can’t abandon her.”
My stomach knots. Don’t think about Sadie.
Ryke and Daisy quietly discuss their decision for no longer than a few seconds, and then their gazes pin to Loren and Lily. Daisy says, “We want you two to take care of her since you both like dogs more than Connor and Rose.”
This is true.
And still, I’m the one feeling more left out. I should’ve known it’d be this way from the start. I may be more responsible than my sisters, but people want their kids with someone who hugs them, so affectionately, so warmly, that a smile crests their face.
I’m the one who will pick children up from school on time, who will write notecards at midnight so they can cram for a test, who will always remember to pack their lunches and tuck them into bed. I may hound them to brush their teeth. I may even remind them constantly to remove their dirty shoes before they enter the house. But I would champion them. I would fight for them.
I hope this counts.
“Meeting adjourned,” I suddenly say, not wanting to hear them choose Raisy. Yes, it’s hypocritical since we weren’t planning on choosing Lily and Lo. But I can’t change my feelings.
I’m about to open the oven when Loren snaps, “We have a kid too. Or is Jane the special snowflake here?”
I inhale, my chest tight. “Just choose your brother, and let’s be done with this.”
He snorts into a dry, bitter laugh. “Of course you have to make this hard for me.” He shakes his head. “If you end up raising Moffy, I hope he learns how to be tough from you.”
My brows pinch. What? I look to Lily for confirmation. She has a dorky grin on her face, nodding rapidly. “Will you and Connor be Maximoff’s godparents?”