“No, I guess we don’t,” she replied with a smile. “But it’s not good for us to be seen together.”
“Why not? You’re single, I’m single, who fucking cares?” I asked.
“My boss would care. And you have fans taking pictures of you everywhere you go. I don’t want to have to answer anyone’s questions, and I certainly don’t want my face plastered on TMZ.”
“Okay, okay, I get it. So let’s have a date here. I’ll cook for you. We’ll have dinner on the balcony. Come on,” I said.
“You cook?” she teased.
“I do a lot of things you don’t know about,” I said, leaning down and kissing the side of her neck. “Tonight?”
“Mmm…no, I can’t tonight,” she murmured.
“Tomorrow night? It’s Saturday, we don’t have PT on the schedule during the day. Come on, Maisey, it’ll be fun. You deserve it.”
She sighed, her eyes filled with indecision.
“You know you want to….” I tempted, leaning down and biting her earlobe until she squirmed away.
“Alright, what will one dinner hurt? But you can’t tell my boss, okay?” she said.
“If I’m not going to tell him how amazing your pussy feels, I’m certainly not going to tell him we’re having dinner together, sweetheart.”
She laughed and playfully punched my arm.
“Alright,” she agreed. “Tomorrow night. 8 p.m. okay?”
“Perfect!” I laughed, pulling her close and kissing her deeply again before opening the door and watching her walk away.
My eyes grazed over her perfect figure, my cock begging me not to let her leave.
But I did.
She’d be back, I told myself with a smile.
In the meantime, I needed to learn how to cook…
MAISEY
So much for saying no, I thought, as I waited in the cab for Maddy to come out of her school. What was that saying? The road to hell is paved with good intentions? Something like that…
Was that what this was? Hell?
I’d sure gotten myself tangled up in something, hadn’t I? I wasn’t even going to pretend to resist anymore. I’d just enjoy my time with Jesse, and when it was all over, I’d move on. Like it had never happened in the first place.
I knew trying to say no was useless at this point. If I didn’t enjoy his touch so much, I’d have hated myself for being weak. For being powerless to his charms. It was like some bad dream but it felt so fucking good.
The truth was that I hadn’t been touched in so long, I was starving for it. With one kiss, Jesse had opened up a dam that I’d been holding back for so long. A dam of emotion, of yearning, of need. I’d put my own needs on hold for so long, putting Maddy first, and in the process I’d even forgotten that I had my own needs to begin with.
I’d been living on autopilot for so long, coasting through life just trying to stay afloat.
I’d forgotten what it felt like to really live. To feel things. To be touched. To be desired.
The thing is, Jesse had done more than just awakened my body, he’d awakened a part of me that I’d buried a long time ago. His touch had reminded me that I was a woman. A healthy, twenty-eight year old woman that had perfectly natural sexual desires. I’d shut that fact away in the back of my mind a long time ago. I’d spent too many years pretending I wasn’t a woman. I was just a mother. A provider. An asexual being that didn’t even waste timing thinking about the pleasures her body could provide.
But now that Jesse had woken up that side of me, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to shove it back in its cage after he was gone. But I couldn’t think about that right now. Because the thought of him leaving had gone from something I was eager to happen to something that hurt to think about. None of that matters, though.
My life doesn’t have room for Jesse in it. Not in any long term way. And I didn’t fit in his world either. We were two completely different people, living two completely different lives, and it had always been like that. Nothing could ever change that.
I’d known it ten years ago and I knew it now. That was one thing I couldn’t pretend wasn’t real.
And the reason for that was waving and running at me right this very second.
I was so pleased to see a smile on Maddy’s face today. Her ponytails bounced around her head as she jumped into the back of the cab with me.
“Hi, Mom!” she kissed my cheek, and settled in to put on her seatbelt as the driver drove away from the curb. “I love taking a cab home! Can we do it every day?”
“Well,” I groaned. “At least for a few days until I can figure out how to get our car fixed.”
“Can’t we just buy a new one?” she asked.
“No, honey. We can’t afford that right now,” I said. After paying for the roof over our head and her medicine, I was barely making ends meet. Extra expenses like new cars weren’t in the budget.
“Well, I don’t care. I like this,” she said, smiling at me and then looking out the window. I couldn’t help but stare at her in a new light today. Her blonde curls, those blue eyes…I reached over and touched her soft hair, pulling her close for a hug.
“I love you, baby,” I said. “How was school today?”
“It was alright, I guess,” she said.
“Just alright?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she murmured.
“What happened, babe? Was it Sara again?”
“Yeah. Sara and Brittney, too.”
“I’m sorry, baby. Were they making fun of your inhaler again? I think I should talk to the principal, Maddy. This can’t go on.”
“No, that wasn’t it. Not this time,” she said, looking away from me.
“Then what?”
“They were - well, they were making fun of me because I don’t have anyone to go to the fifth grade dance with.”
“What dance? You didn’t tell me about a dance, Maddy. And you’re only in the fifth grade, since when do you need a date for that?”
“It’s um… It’s a father daughter dance.”
“Oh. I see,” I stiffened. Maddy had taken the fact that she didn’t have a father in stride, but I knew things like this would come up eventually. It was something I’d told myself I’d deal with when the time came.
I guess that’s now.
“I can take you, honey,” I said, gently.
“You’re not a man,” she replied, her voice filled with sadness.
“Well, that’s true. How about Eddie?” I asked. “Eddie’s a man.”
“Yeah, I guess. He’s not my father though…” her voice trailed off and I stared over at her, contemplating how to fix this.
It was all my fault. I got that.
I’d known I’d have to pay for my decision eventually, and yet the timing was so damn awful that it made me want to cry.
“I’ll ask Eddie, honey,” I said, rubbing her shoulder and pulling her closer to me. I didn’t have any other answers for her.
All this time, it’d just been me and Maddy, and that had been enough. She’d never really questioned me. Once, when she was five, she asked me if she had a father and I told her yes, but he wasn’t a part of our lives. That answer had been sufficient then, but it probably wasn’t anymore. I was surprised, though, that Maddy had never asked any more questions as she got older.
But with this new development, I had the distinct feeling that my time was very close to being up.
And what the hell would I do then?
* * *
“Darling, it’s so good to hear from you!” Eddie gushed through the phone. “It’s been over a week and you haven’t called! You must be up to something good!”
I smiled at the sound of his voice. He was the most expressive person I knew. I could see almost see his smile through the phone.
“Not really,” I said, feeling guilty for lying. He’d faint if I told him the truth, right before bitching at me for not telling him sooner. “How about you?”
“Well, I’ve been in rehearsals for the new revue we’re putting on at Charlie’s. It’s already sold out for the first weekend - can you believe that?”
“That’s so great, Eddie, I can’t wait to see it!” He’d been performing for twenty years as a drag queen in Denver, and I loved going to his shows. They were entertaining, hilarious and over-the-top flamboyant. It was always a good time, and I always ended up drinking way too many margaritas, because Eddie practically fed them to me in between his performances, insisting I didn’t have enough fun in my life and that I needed to loosen up. That was another reason he’d lose his shit if I told him about Jesse. I’d definitely upped the level of fun in my life with him.