I tweak Dally’s cheek. “You’re just sad you haven’t found your own star yet.”
“I am sad,” Dally grumps. “Men these days have the emotional capacity of a thimble.”
“You should’ve been a lesbian,” I tell her.
“Like I have control over that. You think if I choose, I’d want to be straight? And have to choose from the guy who watches football all day and scratches his balls or the one who spends all day in the lab scratching his balls.” She shudders.
“Why are all the men you encounter scratching their balls?” Star wonders.
“Because that’s a thing they do,” Dally exclaims, throwing her arms out. “Every time I see them, they’re doing that.”
“Doing what?” Mack appears suddenly.
Dally’s arms collapse by her side and she turns pink. “Nothing. I said nothing.” And then the girl scurries away.
Mack looks after her, confused. “What was that all about?”
“She wants to scratch your balls,” I conclude. I think Dally’s had a thing for Mack for a while now but has done nothing about it.
Star makes a gagging noise. “Can you not talk about my brother’s junk?”
“It’s not like I want to dwell on it either, but, Mack, maybe you should think about making a move on Dally before she gives up on you and moves on to greener pastures.”
My brother-in-law’s face turns red and then dark. “Gives up? Moves on? What the hell are you talking about?”
I exchange a resigned look with Star, who rolls her eyes. “You can lead a big lunk of a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink, babe.”
“Are you calling me fat?” Mack protests. “I’ll have you know, these are abs of steel.”
He pulls up his shirt and flashes his eight-pack at us. I avert my gaze while Star makes her gagging noises again. There’s a crash on the patio. We all turn to see Dally with her hands suspended in midair and her mouth slightly ajar. At her feet is the contents of a platter of caprese salad.
Mack lets the shirt drop down to cover his stomach and runs over to Dally. “Are you okay?” he shouts. “Are you hurt? Don’t move!”
“So you think they’re finally going to hook up?” Star asks.
“Dunno. Maybe if Dally remembers she has ovaries, she’ll lasso your brother and drag him into her lair.”
“She’s not big enough for that,” Star observes.
“It’s a metaphorical comment.”
“I think Mack has to be the one, but he still views himself as this chubby kid who others made fun of so he’s too shy to make the first move, whereas Dally’s so hot after him, she turns into a mess and can’t even speak.”
“It’ll happen. They’re too cute not to be together.”
“You sound pretty confident,” Star says, leaning into me.
I let my arm drop around her shoulders. “We found each other, didn’t we?”
My wife snuggles close. “We sure did.”
* * *