The Heart's Ransom (The Buchanan Brothers 6)

"I already knew about the pregnancy." Dillon's jaw tensed. "For all I knew, she was carrying your child."

“How did you know?” Nolan asked, confused.

Now it was Dillon’s turn to be ashamed. “She tried contacting me. She left me a message, telling me she was pregnant. By that point, I’d known about your arrangement and I was bitter. Besides, I figured the baby was probably yours or Vince’s, which made it your problem, not mine.” Dillon ran a hand through his hair, fighting a rise of nerves as his stomach threatened to rebel. “I never imagined she might kill herself,” he admitted in a pained voice. “I never even considered it. If I’d had an inkling that she might harm herself…I would’ve done what I could to save her.” He looked to his brother. “How do you know the baby was mine?”

"Because there was the possibility that baby was ours, we had a DNA test done on the fetal tissue." Nolan met Dillon's gaze and held it. "Without a doubt, the baby was yours."

Dillon felt sucker punched. All the air in his lungs evaporated and his vision zeroed to a pinprick. This was how it felt to have the rug jerked out from beneath you; to have your world come crashing down around your ears. He thought he'd known how that felt but he’d been wrong. His hand went to his heart almost involuntarily as he struggled to breathe. He stared at his brothers, uncomprehending. "What are you saying to me? How could you keep this secret?" he asked, incredulous.

"Now you know the true cost of your actions, asshole," Vince said, not giving Dillon an inch. "And the kicker is I loved her so much I would have raised that baby as my own if she would've had me. But her heart was tangled up with you and there was no room for me. And because you refused to listen to reason, you were so fired up about leaving the family she didn't feel she had a choice. For once in your life you needed to think about someone else aside from yourself but you didn't and split. So yeah, we were guilty of a lot of things but you can't place the blame completely on our shoulders."

For the first time in his life Dillon felt as if he were sliding into a black hole. It shouldn't have mattered about the paternity of the long-lost baby. But somehow it did matter. It mattered more than he ever imagined it would. Why hadn't Isabel told him? It might've made a difference in his decision. He might've swallowed his pride, but then, he might not have. It was hard to say. The clarity of hindsight was legendary.

"And now there's Penny. I'll admit we didn't start this journey with the cleanest of intentions. Old habits die hard. But she's the kind of woman who deserves love and if she were to have me, I would give her the world. But just like Isabel, all she truly wants is you. So you have to ask yourself, what are your true intentions with Penny? If you have no plans to offer anything but pain and heartache because you're pissed off at us then get ready for the fight of your life because there’s no way in hell I’ll allow you to hurt Penny the way you hurt Isabel. But if you love her…” Vince stopped as if the words were cutting his throat to say them. When he resumed, his gaze was filled with pain but also honesty and integrity, which were qualities Dillon had never seen on his brother. “We’ll step out of the way. Not for you — but for her. Are you feeling me?"

Dillon looked to Nolan and saw that the other twin was in complete agreement. Of course they were, they shared one brain. But honestly, he couldn't possibly give either one of them an answer because his mind was so blown over the revelation they’d dropped in his lap. "You said your piece, now get out." Dillon didn't want to look at either of them. They'd withheld important information and of all the things that he could hold against them, this was by far the worst.

Nolan looked at him with disappointment. "You have a chance to be a better man. Don't screw this one up. Come on, Vince lets go.”

Dillon sank into the chair and stared with unseeing eyes across the bay. At some point, and he wasn't sure when it happened, he had a scotch in his hand. One scotch turned into two, two turned four and then he lost count. But it didn't matter how many drinks he poured down his throat, the pain in his heart continued until he thought he might die.

It was well past sundown and into the late evening when Penny heard a loud crash in the foyer. She startled and peeked around the corner and was shocked to see Dillon standing unsteadily amidst the broken pieces of an expensive vase. "What are you doing here? Are you drunk?” she asked as she caught a whiff of strong alcohol to exclaim in horror, "Oh my God, did you drive here?"

A mocking smile twisted his beautiful mouth. "Are you worried about my safety, pet?”

She glowered as she went to help him before he broke something else of value. "No. I'm worried about the other people on the road. You can go to hell."

"My, my… someone's feeling feisty aren't they?"

"Oh shut up, you drunken idiot.” Why, of all the doors in the city, had he somehow landed at mine? Penny maneuvered Dillon with some difficulty to her bedroom where he flopped on the bed with a grunt. She sighed and bracketed her hands on her hips, wondering what to do with him. Perhaps she should call the twins, they’d come get him for her. But even as that idea had merit she knew she wouldn’t call them. "Do you need some coffee?" she asked.

"So I can be a wide-awake drunken idiot?" Dillon laughed. "Penny, what I need does not come in a coffee pot."

"And what do you need?"

"I need redemption." Penny frowned as he laughed. He was losing his mind. "Do you have that in your cupboards?" he asked with a guffaw.

"You're not making any sense. What are you talking about?"

At that Dillon buried his face in her pillows and groaned. "I'm a rotten son of a bitch."

"That I knew. Is there something else? Something new?” Scary thought, that. “Did you break someone else’s heart recently,” she muttered, mostly to herself and didn’t expect him to hear in his inebriated state but he had.

He rolled to his back. “I’ve done a lot of terrible things in my life, Penny. And I thought I could make up for them with time but some things, are simply too big to account for in your little ledger of good karma."

Penny frowned and sat beside him. She had a feeling whatever was eating at Dillon had nothing to do with her. “What happened?" she asked softly. She caught his gaze and she found a wealth of sadness and pain, so much so that she wanted to hold them in her arms and tell him it was going to be all right. But she did neither and simply waited.

"Kiss me, Penny," Dillon murmured, leaning toward her. As much as she wanted to sink into his embrace she put her hand up to stop him. He seemed to understand and didn't push the issue. He sighed. "Smart choice. You deserve better. Sorry for fucking with your life."

"Being a martyr doesn't suit you. I made my own choices. Now tell me, what's going on?"

"Do you really want to know? It might change your whole opinion of me forever."

At that she actually chuckled. "Dillon, let's be real. I already know you're a jerk at your worst but I also know that at your best you're pretty amazing. Whatever is wrong I promise I won't judge you."

God, she hoped she could live up to

that promise. What if he admitted something heinous? Like he liked to slaughter puppies in his spare time? No, she told her rapidly running away imagination, whatever was eating at him had something to do with Isabel. She’d be willing to bet her life on it. And if that was the case, she would gladly provide the shoulder for him to cry on because God knows, Dillon has needed to let this go for a long time.

"I used to blame my brothers for Isabel's death but in reality, it was me. I'm the one who caused her to jump off that building. If she hadn't met me, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant with my baby." Dillon met Penny startled stare. "Yeah, you heard me correctly. Penny was pregnant with my baby."

"How do you know?"

"Ah, well, it seems my brothers have always known. But they decided to keep that information from me. Apparently there was a DNA test during autopsy," Dillon looked sick to his stomach. "And the DNA match came back to me.” He looked to her. "I could've been a daddy. Scary thought, huh?"

"I think when you get your head on straight you’ll be an amazing father." Maybe she shouldn't have admitted that but it was true. The fact that she would willingly have his children was something that she would keep to herself however. "Why didn't they tell you?" she asked.

"I don't know but I can guess. Vince was in love with Isabel and he wanted to lash out at me. He didn't feel I deserved to know. Nolan, probably didn't want the publicity. I don't know, all I know is that this is damn near unforgivable."