Playboy Doctor to Doting Dad

‘That’s true.’

Two very bleak words he was responsible for. He needed to clear the air before the situation got worse. They’d had a wonderful time and he did not want that to be lost because of any misunderstanding.

‘Abby, do you trust me to do the right thing by my son?’

Silence hung between them. Her hands fisted in her lap. Her eyes seemed glued to something beyond the vehicle.

Hurt stabbed him hard beneath his ribs. Why couldn’t she trust him? He hadn’t let her down since he’d come to Nelson. Had he? He couldn’t prevent the hurt ringing in his voice. ‘You’ve answered without a word.’

Her words came slowly, as though she was thinking her way through a minefield. ‘I do believe you’ll try. You’ll probably stay in touch regularly, but that’s not enough. The way I see it, you’re doing to Seamus what your father did to you. Leaving him behind. You mightn’t be cruel and undermine his attempts to do things, but he’s not going to know you. You’re not going to be there when he hurts, when he asks what the moon is made of, when he wants to learn to drive.’

‘You don’t pull any punches, do you?’ he gasped, reeling from the intensity of her statement. Where had the soft woman who’d spent the night in his arms gone?

‘I just want what’s best for you all,’ she whispered.

So they were on the same playing field. ‘So do I.’ He took a steadying breath. ‘What happens when I hurt Seamus? How do you explain to him that his father had to go away because he failed to be a good daddy?’

She’d seek him out and throttle him, that’s what she’d do.

‘I haven’t got a clue. I can’t even get it through to you that you’re already a good father. Like me, you have to learn as you go along. Why won’t you see that?’ She saw everything in black and white.

‘Abby, sweetheart, you’re a novice when it comes to this. My father worked at it for most of my life to get me to see things his way. Like water dripping on rock, eventually the rock wears away. Take a young child and keep telling him he’s useless and he begins to believe that. Take that child as a young man and blame him for everything that goes wrong in their family and it becomes real.’

She turned, and the sympathy he saw in those emerald eyes nearly drowned him. But he didn’t want sympathy, he wanted understanding. He needed her to accept he knew what he was doing.

But, of course, she didn’t. This was Abby, after all. The woman who believed in families and happy-ever-afters. Although he had to admit those hadn’t come her way very often.

She said, ‘That’s the most terrible thing I’ve heard, but you’re nothing like that. Already your son loves you, because of how you’ve treated him with care and love.’

A knife turned in his heart.

‘Your niece loves you.’ A tear rolled down her cheek.

There was more. He just knew it. Except he didn’t know what that was.

And Abby wasn’t saying.

Kieran stomped hard on the accelerator. If only he had the sports car in his hands. After dropping Abby off, he’d turned in the opposite direction from the city, taking the main highway south, further out into the countryside. He needed speed to shake the shock out of his system that had slammed him between the eyes.

He loved Abby.

He gripped the steering-wheel harder to stop the tremors racking his body.

How the hell had this happened?

He loved her and the despair he’d seen in her eyes rode with him all the way, mocking him. He’d never promised her anything he couldn’t give. But now he had to deal with this new development.

New? Get real. He’d probably loved her since that night in Dublin. If he’d ever admit it. How could he have missed it? He jerked the vehicle around a sharp corner. He’d been blind to what had been right before his eyes because all his attention had been focused on the children.

Abby. The woman of his dreams. When he’d allowed himself to dream, that was. Which hadn’t been often.

So what was he going to do? Absolutely nothing.

How could he? He was his father’s son. Which meant?

He’d be a useless father. That was a given.

He’d be a worse husband.

Because? Commitment scared him senseless. He’d been committed to his dog and Beagles had got run over while he’d been walking him. What about his girlfriend who’d lost their baby? He’d loved her and yet he hadn’t been there when she’d miscarried. He’d been committed to Morag, and she’d been drugged and injured while in his flat. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t been there, he’d trusted the guys he’d shared that flat with. He’d committed to showing his father he could be a success and never once had he heard that his father was proud of him.

So how could he offer himself to Abby?

No. His lifestyle of love them and leave them was safer for everyone involved.

But.

Last night he and Abby had made love. Last night had been about the two of them, about giving and receiving, sharing. He hadn’t been able to get enough of her, generous soul that she was. Last night he’d have been happy if they’d flown to the moon to be alone. He had wanted nothing more than Abby. No one else.

Inspiration struck him. What if Abby and the children moved to Dublin? He could set them up in a house near his apartment. He could see them as often as he wanted without making that commitment he was so afraid of. Pleased with the idea, he relaxed as he drove up the Spooners Range for view back to the city.

It would be a win-win situation for them all.

In ED Abby tugged her gloves off and tossed them in the bin, then stripped the bloodstained sheets off the bed and pushed them into the laundry bag.

It had been an uncomfortable few days since the morning after New Year’s Eve. She and Kieran had been dancing around one another. He didn’t seem any more prepared to break the uneasy truce that had arisen between them than she was. Whenever he’d come out to see the kids she’d made sure to go over to her father’s house so there could be no awkward conversations about the future. It bugged her that Kieran seemed relieved when she did that. She’d hoped he might come round to her way of thinking.

Anyway, she’d come to a decision. It scared her, a lot, every time she thought about it but if, and it was a huge if, it suited Kieran, she and the children would move to Dublin. Then Olivia and Seamus could be as close to Kieran as to her.

The fact she loved Kieran had nothing to do with this. Yeah, right. Somehow she would deal with that. Somehow. Some time. In the next million years she’d get over him.

Sally stopped her on the way back to the cubicle with clean linen. ‘That young boy Joey is in cubicle one. His neighbour brought him and his mother in while you were with the forestry worker.’

Abby’s heart squeezed. ‘What’s happened this time?’

‘Dislocated shoulder again, plus a fractured wrist. We’re waiting on the orthopaedic surgeon, but he’s in Theatre at the moment.’ Sally grimaced. ‘That poor kid. When is his mother going to get out of the situation?’

‘I guess it’s not that easy when you’re financially up against the wall and being terrorised by the person you rely on for support. I’ll go and sit with them until we get busy.’

Joey was sleeping fitfully when she crept into his cubicle. She spoke softly to his mother. ‘Hello, Dale. Is it okay if I check on Joey?’

Dale nodded. Abby took her time counting Joey’s pulse, checking his pain medication levels and generally straightening out the blanket. Then she sat on the end of the bed and studied the woman before her. Dale was probably younger than Abby but the defeat in her eyes made her look ten years older. ‘Joey’s vitals are good. What about you? Have you got any injuries this time?’

‘Nothing too bad. Just bruises.’

‘I should look at them,’ Abby said gently. ‘If you’d like me to.’

‘Nah, don’t worry about me.’

‘But I do. It’s just as important to look after your health. For Jo

ey’s sake,’ she nudged.

In the ensuing silence Abby could hear Kieran talking to Sally. As Abby was about to ask Dale if she’d like a coffee, Dale muttered, ‘Last time we were here you talked to me.’

‘Yes.’ She’d mentioned several things, including Dale getting help for herself and Joey.

‘Something about a refuge place where we could hide from my old man.’

Abby spoke quietly, afraid of scaring Dale off. ‘The women’s refuge. They’d protect you and Joey, and provide a room and food for as long as it takes to sort yourself out.’