Her All Along

Oh. I shifted in my seat, instantly uncomfortable. Every fiber of my being was ready to object to her kind words. They didn’t feel right, whatsoever.

“You also knew a side of Jake that the rest of us were never lucky enough to see much,” she murmured. “You met him in a place where his dreams didn’t guide him to a damn desert.” She swallowed hard and became misty-eyed. “I was so happy when he told me he wanted to become a teacher.”

I managed a pathetic little smile. “He would’ve made an excellent teacher, but I’m not sure it would have been enough for him in the long run.”

It was certainly true that Jake had once dreamed about a life far away from uniforms and combat, though 9/11 had changed it all.

“He and I got drunk after finishing an exam once,” I admitted. “He told me he wanted what everyone called average—house, minivan, wife, dog, a bunch of kids… In between shots, he even named his kids JJ, Grace, and Todd.”

Mary chuckled thickly and wiped her eyes.

“But he was afraid too,” I continued quietly. “He said he wasn’t sure he’d fit in his own dream, because part of him wanted something bigger, and he’d immediately move on to talk about James’s past in the Army.”

When the towers came down, the decision was made in a heartbeat.

After years of studies, falling behind when he’d changed his mind and pursued something else, he’d found his path. And it led him directly into war.

“Jake stopped questioning his choices once he was in the Army,” I explained. “I may not understand his decision, but we’re lucky that he, and men and women like him, made them—and continue to do so. He was at peace with his choice, Mary. He was happy in the service, and he was a proud soldier.”

I left my personal opinion out of it, because it was biased and selfish, but it went without saying that I thought it was a waste of life, a waste of a wonderful friend. One of the best men I’d ever known.

I’d expected the main service to be the most emotionally exhausting, but I was wrong.

Everything was fucking difficult, and the impressions of the day were already causing my head to swim. There’d been crying family members, too many American flags delivered to spouses and parents, prayers, salutes, and more crying.

Yet, it was nothing compared to when we arrived at Jake’s final resting place.

Among the thousands and thousands of white headstones gracing the green hills of Arlington National Cemetery, Jake’s immediate family—and I—gathered at the one bearing his name.

Sgt Jacob J Quinn

It went on to list his date of birth, the date he’d died, his military branch, and his most distinguished medals, among them the Purple Heart that’d made James turn to Ryan with a pointed look and a sharply delivered, “If you ever become a medal, son…”

The other families who were here today to lay their loved ones to rest were fairly close by, and two bugle players performed “Taps” in the background, which brought us to the moment where it felt like my whole chest cracked open.

Since the Air Force had been part of the assignment in Afghanistan, and due to the circumstances, they offered their own tribute.

Pipsqueak snuck closer to me and hugged my middle.

Dusk had arrived when James and Ryan, both dressed in their dress uniforms, walked up to Jake’s headstone with Darius and took a knee. At the same time, four fighter jets flew over us in their missing-man formation.

My eyes burned with unshed tears, and I gnashed my teeth to the point I thought I’d crush my molars.

Mary broke down in Ethan’s arms, and Willow turned into Lias’s embrace.

Pipsqueak’s shoulders shook with her silent cries. I squeezed her to me and pressed my lips to the top of her head.

Christ, I needed to see good in the world. I had to. If one of my closest friends had died for nothing, I didn’t know what I’d do. But it meant I had to earn my own place too. I had to be better. I had to become someone worth saving.

When Ryan rose from the ground, I caught him quickly wiping his cheeks before he coughed and urged James up too. The formal uniforms fucking killed me, because talk about having earned your stripes. Then Darius in his regular suit, similar to my own—he would never get any credit for what he did. When he went out into the world’s most hostile territories, society remained oblivious.

Darius stayed at the headstone a couple more minutes.

He was now the eldest Quinn brother.

The next day, Darius split.

He left Ryan a note, along with his phone and other personal items, and informed everyone that he’d taken a gig with his employer, whose headquarters were here in the DC area.