She huffed and left the bed to get dressed. “I can’t figure you out.”
I frowned and reached for my button-down. “You’re not supposed to.”
“Oh, give me a break.” She snorted. “You can be open and talkative at the coffee shop, but as soon as we meet up here, you become someone else. You’re so closed off.”
I hadn’t expected her to notice any changes in me, but I was fucking working on it. She didn’t realize what a big deal it was for me to have sex with a woman without feeling like shit afterward—or any resentment toward the woman. She didn’t know I’d almost had an anxiety attack the time we’d somehow ended up in the missionary position and I hadn’t been wearing a tee. Just a wifebeater.
Her fingers had brushed over the scars visible on my shoulders.
I’d told her not to ask.
I was changing. I was.
If Taylor knew how cold and rigid I’d been before, she wouldn’t still be here. She wouldn’t allow me to fuck her like a dog and then leave, for which I actually respected her.
“This is the deal,” I said with finality. “I’m using you, just like you’re using me.”
When I faced her fully to put on my shoes, she was watching me.
“What’re you using me for?” she asked. “Don’t say a quick release.”
The answer was twofold.
I’d hesitated for several weeks before we eventually hooked up. I’d left her text message alone, without any interest in responding. But something Lias had said when we were out had bothered me. I’d drunkenly admitted that I’d hoped to meet someone better in the future, and he’d advised me—in his love-sick, young wisdom—that practice made perfect. In short, I should open up little by little, and there was no harm in starting with someone I didn’t see a future with long term.
There was no way I’d end up in a relationship with Taylor Sloane. She was too young, I wasn’t very attracted to her, and we didn’t have much in common.
It made her perfect for something without strings.
“The sex is mostly for a release,” I said and lifted a shoulder. I wasn’t going to tell her that I was working on revealing myself physically. It was a stupid hang-up that just plain embarrassed me. For years, I’d had a rule of fucking someone from behind if my shoulders were visible. Even with my ex-wife, I had struggled with eye contact if she was touching my scars.
Taylor shifted where she stood and tilted her head. “And the rest? When we meet up for coffee?”
Fucking hell, were we really doing this now? I checked my watch. It was the middle of the day on a Saturday, and Pipsqueak had a swim meet. I was due to pick up Willow in half an hour and drive over to the pool.
Actually, no, we weren’t going to do this now. “We’ll have to save that for another time,” I told her. “But you know the drill. I think you’re a nice girl, Taylor, but I don’t date. I’m not ready. I won’t go shopping with you, I won’t take you out to dinner, I won’t invite you to my house, I won’t watch a movie with you. If that’s what you want, you should find someone better.”
Her forehead creased, and she pursed her lips for a beat. “Let’s have coffee on Tuesday. That’s when you get off work early, right?”
Yes, sadly. I missed having a short workday on Fridays.
“Tuesday,” I replied with a nod.
“Fuck.” Willow paced restlessly outside Downtown High’s pool complex and faltered every time she looked toward the entrance. “I don’t think I can do it, Avery.”
Okay, time to take over. I’d let her have ten minutes after we’d parked, but the anxiety was winning.
“Come here.” I closed the distance between us and hugged her to me. Darius and Ryan called her Squeezy because the tightest of hugs centered her. “I want you to listen to me, okay?”
She nodded jerkily and tucked her hands between us. “You have my headphones, right?”
“They’re right here, honey.” I held them behind her back. “It’s going to be crowded in there, but you don’t have to let go of me for a second,” I said. “I won’t leave your side until you’re ready.” I tightened my hold on her and felt a bit of stiffness leaving her shoulders.
“How long do we have?” she asked and shuddered.
I twisted my wrist to check my watch. “Her event starts in twenty minutes.”
Mary and Pipsqueak had been here all day; for some reason, swim meets started at an ungodly hour and the whole team had to be present, even those who didn’t have their events until later.
The rest of the family had arrived an hour ago, and Darius had texted recently to ask if I needed help with Willow, who’d wanted to postpone coming here until the last minute.