Her All Along

“Here you go.” Pipsqueak returned with a cup of coffee and set it down on the table. “I understand that you’re overwhelmed, so I’m just gonna say that you can talk to me when you’re ready. Or if you want to reach out to Darius instead—but I really hope it’s me.”

I chuckled tiredly, very touched by her sweet gesture. “I’ll tell you everything soon.”

“Great! You get some food and rest, then. Text if you need anything.”

I was lucky to have her in my life. “Thank you, hon. This means a lot.”

She smiled and squeezed my shoulder on the way out. “Happy to help.”

Fifteen

The letter I’d been waiting for came one day in August. Three days after Taylor had mailed it from New York. In that short time frame, I’d texted her five times to ask if she could trace the parcel. Thankfully, she’d been patient with me.

As much as it bothered me to have her all the way on the East Coast, she’d been right. I didn’t understand how she couldn’t get attached, and I said that without the ability to describe my own attachment. It wasn’t so much “Give me my child so I can dote on and love them forever” as much as it was a restless sense of “Please put me out of my misery. I need to unclench and feel that this is real soon.”

Taylor hadn’t given me any reason to doubt her—the opposite, if anything—but it couldn’t be helped. I was terrified something was going to go wrong.

This letter was going to make things worse and better at the same time. At the last doctor’s appointment, they hadn’t been able to see the sex of the baby, but she’d been to another checkup this week, and now it was official. The doctor knew the gender. And Taylor had been fucking sweet; she’d told me I deserved to know first, so the doctor had helped her mail the announcement, along with four ultrasound pictures.

If that didn’t make shit real for me, I’d be in trouble.

I tapped the envelope against the kitchen table and looked out the window, wondering where the hell Pipsqueak was. She’d been too good to me through all this, so I wanted her to be here when I read the result.

I checked my watch. She was supposed to be here now. All I’d done today was work out with Darius, grocery shop, and wait for the mail. Pipsqueak had said she’d come over at two after she’d picked up some raw cocoa in the Valley. If cocoa wasn’t always raw, what was it? I sure as shit didn’t cook it.

Either way, it was five minutes past two now.

To pass time, I flipped open the pregnancy book Pipsqueak had given me.

She’d felt bad for me for missing out on the pregnancy, so she’d bought the book for my birthday as a way to keep me updated on the baby’s progress.

According to the book, the baby’s hearing was developed now. Taylor had complained about her feet swelling, which was normal, I’d learned.

I was antsy for her to return to town. Evidently, everything interesting happened in the third trimester.

I caught movement in the corner of my eye and let out a heavy breath as I saw Pipsqueak running up the path to my house. Then she ripped open the door and stormed in.

“Mister, I’m here!” she called, out of breath.

“I’m in the kitchen.”

“Oh.” She stumbled in with her supplies in a cardboard box and eyed me anxiously. “Well? Do we know yet?”

“I was waiting for you.” I held up the envelope.

“Oh my God, you should’ve called me.” She dumped the box on the counter, then rushed over to me. “Open it, open it, open it.”

I chuckled nervously and started opening the envelope, and I noticed my fingers were trembling a little.

A note from a legal pad was the first thing that slid out, and then a bundle with the four ultrasound pictures followed.

I checked the note first.

Congratulations, Mr. Becker, you’re having a girl. She was a wild little sprite during the sonogram. Everything looks great.

I swallowed hard as my eyes stung. “It’s a girl.”

A rush of emotions surged forward, and I couldn’t sit still. I turned over the bundle of pictures next and removed the paper clip holding them together. Four images of a little baby, a little girl. Holy fuck. I still didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but I’d gotten what I asked for. It was suddenly very real. That baby would be here in a little over two months.

Pipsqueak came over and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, and all I could do was sit there like a fidgeting addict going through the shakes and stare at the images.

I could see her little hand forming a fist in one of the pictures. The outline of her face in another. Her small nose.