Her All Along

I puckered my lips at him.

“That’s one thing I can’t get over,” Elise sighed. “How can someone not have a sweet tooth? Avery’s even worse than Ethan!”

“What’re you talkin’ about?” Ryan frowned. “He likes you. If that doesn’t qualify as a sweet tooth, nothing does.”

“Too true,” I agreed. The alcohol had loosened me up enough that I could grab Elise’s hand and kiss the top of it. “You’re all the sweetness I need, Pipsqueak.”

Fuck whiskey. The way her cheeks flushed pink in the porch lights was intoxicating enough.

If only she knew I meant it way deeper and much less platonically than she assumed.

Maybe she hoped, though. I hoped that she hoped. I also hoped she’d spend the night with me again. I wanted a repeat of yesterday. I wanted to squeeze her tightly and make no excuses for it.

Elise withdrew her hand and shot me a little scowl. “You can’t charm your way out of this, Mister.”

“Pretty sure he can,” Angel sang. “All done! One old-fashioned.”

I grinned faintly and leaned forward to accept the drink. “Thanks, hon. I managed to sober up before I got it.”

Ryan barked out a laugh.

Angel stewed to herself before she jutted out her chin and replied, “Well, that’s how I’ll keep you comin’ back for more.”

I chuckled and took a sip of the drink. Eh, it worked. Ryan would teach her eventually. She had potential.

Ryan and Angel left around one, and neither of them had made any assumption or indicated that Pipsqueak might go with them, considering they were staying in a guest room down the hall from Pipsqueak’s own room.

It meant she was staying over, right? She wasn’t just going to stick around to help me tidy up or some shit. If I could just have one more night with her, one night of holding her close to me, maybe I’d be satisfied. Then I could be the responsible adult who set her free for her college life. And that was something I definitely didn’t want to think about. She was leaving at the end of August.

“Any more glasses out there, Mister?” Pipsqueak hollered from the kitchen.

“No, all clear. You can start the dishwasher.” I returned the last of the booze to the cabinet in the living room before I locked the patio doors. Then I joined her in the kitchen. “You know you didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to.” She wiped down the counter and then faced me with a hesitant expression. “Do you wanna watch a movie?”

“Yeah.” There was no other answer. I flicked off the light in the kitchen to make it clear we were done down here. “I don’t care which one. You go pick.”

She didn’t care either, but she was gonna go through the motions. The look in her eyes right before she passed me in the doorway flashed with nerves, uncertainty, and a plea that tore down my defenses and stripped me of any lingering denial.

On the way upstairs, I silenced the voice in the back of my head telling me I needed to back the fuck off, because I couldn’t. I didn’t have the willpower to resist her. Fuck, I craved the opposite all of a sudden. The urge filled my chest with each breath, with each step that brought me toward my bed. I wanted her to know how much I adored her.

A stabbing pain followed, searing its way through me, when I thought about her leaving.

For two whole years, I’d only see her at major holidays. I’d come home from work to find the kitchen untouched. Her shitty pop music that she danced to wouldn’t play. She wouldn’t run over while I watched the news in the evening to check if she had all the supplies she needed for her next experiment. I wouldn’t see Grace’s eyes light up whenever Elise announced her arrival.

I was going to fucking break, wasn’t I?

After adjusting the thermostat in the hall, I entered my bedroom and left the light off. My jeans and tee ended up on the lid of the hamper in the corner. The duvet was folded down, and then I took a seat on the edge of the bed, just waiting for her to appear.

Two years.

Fuck it all.

When I heard Pipsqueak climbing the stairs, I exhaled and removed my watch, leaving it on my nightstand. My heart thrummed steadily, slowed down by the lingering alcohol in my blood. But I couldn’t blame that for anything I was about to do. No more excuses.

Her shadow appeared first, and then there she was. She leaned against the doorframe and wrung her hands. No DVD in her grasp. She didn’t care.

I swallowed and gripped the edge of the bed. “Couldn’t find a movie?”

She shook her head minutely. The silhouette of her was too dark for me to read her eyes, but I didn’t need to.