“Thanks!” She jumped to her feet and practically bounced on those stilettos down the hall.
I used that as an opportunity to throw my spoon at Junior’s head. “Are you kidding me right now? Two hours? I hope you get crabs!”
“Serena!” Mom hushed me. “I think it’s… um… nice that you’re dating.”
I barked out a laugh. “This isn’t dating!”
“Sure it is,” Junior argued, leaning back in his chair, face serious. “Plus, she’s really interesting, smart—”
“I’m gonna cut you off right there. I’d be stunned if she could spell cat or tie her shoes without Googling it!”
“Says the single girl with no boyfriend. Actually—” Junior snapped his fingers. “That’s funny I’ve never even seen you date anyone, but then again, you don’t have to date to fu—”
“Finish that sentence, Junior, and I’m going to have to punch you in the face,” Dad said, all calm like they were talking about the weather.
“Sorry,” Junior grumbled and flipped me off anyway.
I sighed and returned with two fingers.
“Well, this is… special,” Mom grumbled, reaching for the wine.
Suddenly I remembered my parents’ rules. “Daddy?”
Dad shot me a look that said I know exactly what you’re trying to do with that sweet voice of yours. “Yes, sweetheart?”
“Shouldn’t we let Junior know about the rules of your household? I mean, since he’s going to be here for two full weeks, it wouldn’t be fair that he can have female company when the rules specifically state no boyfriends, girlfriends, or skanks can stay any later than ten at night.”
If looks could kill, I would be dead. Junior was glaring holes through my body.
“As much as it pains me to say this out loud…” Dad sighed. “Serena’s right. We do have certain house rules. Your, um, friend can stay until after dinner, but then she needs to go home.”
“If she can find it,” I grumbled, earning another scolding look from my mom.
Coco teetered back down the hall, walking so loud in her heels that I was concerned for the hardwood. She staggered a bit as she approached her chair and then plopped down in it.
I frowned.
Junior leaned in. “Hey, you okay?”
“Mmmm.” She swayed toward him and patted him on the cheek but missed, nearly collapsing onto his lap. “Sooo good.”
I burst out laughing. “Yeah, she’s high as a kite.”
“I was nervous.” Coco giggled and then stared up at Junior, blinking her eyes so slow that I was afraid she was going to pass out. And then she did, right on his lap.
“Well.” I grabbed my wine. “At least you got some action, right, Junior?”
With a grunt, he shoved her away, stood, then threw her over his shoulder. “I’m just gonna go let her sleep it off; then I’ll take her home. Sorry guys.”
“Real winner, Junior. I mean seriously, good work.” I lifted my glass in a cheer.
His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Hey Nixon, I almost forgot. Some things came up at school today. I strongly suggest you have the sex talk with Serena. The last thing we need is for her to end up pregnant.”
With that, he gave me his back and strutted down the hall with Coco lifeless over his shoulder.
I was choking him in his sleep later.
Slowly, I turned toward my dad’s thunderous expression.
Forget choking him; I was going to make him suffer slowly.
Damn it, Junior!
“Dad, he’s just being… Junior.”
Dad grabbed the bottle of wine and started drinking directly from it; bad sign, very bad sign. “Have you been…” He took a deep breath. “Serena, I’ve always trusted you, but guys think differently than girls. They—shit.” He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. “They have thoughts!”
I looked to my mom for help, but she seemed to be enjoying the show as she snorted out a laugh. “Yes, Nixon, boys have thoughts. Care to share the ones you had about me when you were her age?”
“Mom, no!” I nearly shouted. “Some things you can’t unhear!”
Dad looked between us and then threw up a hand. “Look, guys are… they’re bad.”
I waited for more.
But that was it.
Apparently, he was finished talking.
“Wait.” I leaned in. “That’s it? That’s your sex talk?”
“Yup.” Dad thrust a finger in my direction. “Oh also, if I find out you’re having sex with boys, I’m going to rip out their tongues, chop off their dicks, then let them suffer through life while they beg for death, and that, sweetheart, will be on your conscience.”
Eyes wide, I nodded once. “Good talk, Dad, good talk.”
He relaxed. “Really? Because I feel like I came on a little strong.”
“Nah,” I waved him off while Mom laughed and handed him the wine bottle again like he needed comfort. “I particularly liked the rip out their tongues and chop off their dicks… classic mob boss.”
“I like chopping things.” He shrugged. “But also, I’m serious. No boys. Focus on school; our life’s hard enough without having to bring someone into the fold.”