“But I—”
He covered my mouth with a dirty hand. “Everyone lets go in their own way. Don’t walk down my path—it’s a lonely one, full of sadness and selfishness. Take the fork in the road, the one that’s harder—the one that ends in closure, in forgiveness.”
I shuddered. “And what about you?”
His smile was sad. “I’m a guy. It might take me longer.”
“Because you’re slower?” I asked in confusion.
He pushed my hair out of my face. “More like stubborn… and stupid, thinking that by sheer will I can fix this when I’ve known I was damned all along.”
He had set the flowers down on the ground.
Wordlessly he reached for them and then, as if having second thoughts, handed them to me. “Go ahead.”
“What?”
His smile was sad. “It would have been her birthday tomorrow. She died weeks before. I planted flowers in the greenhouse, nurtured them, watered them, taking perfect care of them for this moment only to realize it’s not mine. Maybe it never was.”
“Are you sure?” I sniffled.
“Now?” He nodded. “I’m positive.”
With shaking hands, I took the beautiful daisies and laid them to rest on her gravestone. They looked so bright and alive against the dark colors, so wrong for someone so young.
“It reminds me of a song…” I sighed. “If I die young…” I sighed. “I don’t have a bed of roses or satin, but…” I reached for the clasp of my ever-present pearls and very carefully took them off. “My mom gave these to me before she was mur— before she died…” I slowly laid them to rest next to the flowers. “Better than satin?”
Ash’s throat bobbed as he nodded, his voice hoarse. “Better than the way they used to bury the kings and queens of old…”
“She’s happy, right?” I sniffled.
His arms tightened as he whispered in my ear, his lips touching my skin briefly. “Of course… because she’s free.”
I don’t remember falling asleep against him, only the fact that hours later, I was lying across Ash on the couch. He still had dirt caked to his fingertips, and I’m sure I looked like a mess.
But I stayed.
I stayed with him on her birthday.
I allowed myself those moments of peace against his solid chest.
And when I thought of her looking down on us… I smiled.
“Until the sky falls…” I whispered.
“Until the sky falls,” Ash whispered in a rough voice pulling me tighter against him.
He wasn’t mine.
Would probably never be.
But at least, for a few brief hours, we saw our friend find peace. We had real closure.
And just like clockwork, rain started to pour as if the earth wept with us. Until the sky falls—or maybe until the rain cleanses. Whichever came first.
Eyelids heavy, I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Twenty
“Life asked Death, why do people love me but hate you? Death responded, because you are a beautiful lie, and I am a painful truth.” —Author Unknown
Ash
For the first time in a year—I wanted to wake up. My eyes were fuzzy as I blinked down at the girl in my arms.
Necklace gone.
Left on the grave of her friend, my Claire.
The one prized possession it seemed she had was left on the grave of the dead, and I felt like shit all over again.
In hundreds of lifetimes, I would never make up for the pain, the anger, the shit I was still dealing with, and trying to project onto the precious person in my arms.
And even then, the guilt came full force because I liked it.
I liked the gentle weight of her body pressed against me, the way her lips parted as she frowned in her sleep.
I loved the way her hair spread across my dirty white shirt.
The way she still had dirt smudges on her cheek from my fingertips, stained there by her tears.
Mine.
The word refused to leave as I squeezed her closer against me and then noticed how dirty my entire body was and how I was ruining her clothes, not to mention mine and the couch.
Begrudgingly, I eased myself up and put a pillow under her head, pulled an afghan over her small body and then, stared.
Just stared at her small form.
I had no clue what I was waiting for.
I wanted to wake her up so bad.
To ask if she was okay.
To say thank you for not giving up on me when I deserved it.
I’d shown her my pain.
I had bled my emotions all over the place, my soul cried out, and hers answered, so a simple thank you seemed ridiculously elementary.
Damn, if Claire could see me now, she’d probably kick my ass and then tell me I was being an ass.
I gave my head a shake and then started walking away, only to backpedal, lean down over Annie and press a kiss to her forehead.
My lips lingered.
And then hovered close to the corner of her lips, and without thinking, without letting the hatred or the sadness seep in, I kissed the side of her mouth.