Panic gripped at my throat. I turned to Clara, who swiftly shot me a look that told me everything I needed to know about her emotional well-being: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK…
“That’s right,” Father answered.
I braced myself for it…
“They’re just perfect for each other!” Sarah chuckled. “We should have seen this coming, really. What a pair they make.”
Wait.
What?
“That’s right,” Father nodded.
Clara and I shared a bemused glance. Our eyes communicated a flurry of thoughts back and forth, completely taken by surprise that this was happening… and going so well.
“Would you care to elaborate?” I asked.
“Well, it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” Sarah snootily chuckled. “You two are excellent together. And here we were, afraid that you wouldn’t get along…”
Father chimed in again. “We were afraid that you’d clash, or just grow to hate each other. But I’m glad that you’re apparently getting along. We’d hate for you two siblings to be at each other’s throats, or just ignore each other…”
Right, it dawned on me. Siblings.
“Wait, what are you–?” Clara began.
“They’re happy that we’ve accepted each other as part of the family,” I hinted.
Realization crossed Clara’s face. “Oh, right. That’s right, big brother.”
When she followed that up with a nervous chuckle, I spotted our parents glancing at each other strangely. I decided to quickly avert the topic.
“So, what are you doing first, now that you’re back?” I asked.
“Oh, well,” Sarah answered for them, “William is going to move into the house… we’re hiring some movers to pack up and shift everything over. The essentials, at least.”
“That’s right,” he agreed. “I’m going to keep an office in the spare bedroom, but there’s not much point in me continuing to pay that expensive lease. I’ve already spoken with the owner, and we’ve come to an agreement…”
I let them prattle on about the future while Clara stayed focused on the road. She wasn’t really paying attention to their conversation, and it was obvious that she had been slightly rattled by the exchange earlier.
The car ride seemed like it dragged on for ages. However, after an hour and a half (dragged out by rush-hour traffic), we were dropping them off at Sarah’s house. I gave them a quick hand with the bags before jumping back into the car and getting rid of them again.
“What a nightmare,” I shook my head.
“Yeah, tell me about it,” Clara quietly added.
I turned to her, afraid that she had been shaken by the conversational mix-up earlier but, to my surprise, she was giggling instead.
“What is it?”
Clara began laughing in earnest. “How stupid was that? We thought that they were saying they wanted us together? God, it was so ambiguous! I could die, right here and now!”
We shared a hearty laugh.
“Yeah, that was awful,” I replied as we headed back towards the interstate. “But at least it’s over now…”
The feeling of crushing tension seemed to have mostly dissipated, although I felt it linger just a little. To my satisfaction, though, Clara seemed well adjusted after the car ride. In fact, she seemed to shrug off the weirdness of it altogether – something that probably would have rattled her and come between us before.
A few hours later, after a hearty session of sex in her bedroom, we were curled up together and everything was right with the world once more. I thought perhaps that it was time for a real heart-to-heart, given what we had been able to laugh off during the afternoon.
“What are your goals?” I asked her, stroking her hair lightly as she lay against my chest. “I don’t know what your plans are, or what you want from life… why don’t you tell me?”
I felt Clara smile against my skin.
“You mean, like, for the future?” Clara asked. “I already answered that. I want a future with you.” She planted a quick kiss against my shoulder.
“And I with you,” I replied, “but surely there’s something else you want out of life. I don’t really expect you to have figured out what you’re doing with your future, but I’ve got a few years on you.”
“That’s right, old man,” Clara teased. “You’re getting up there. Gotta get your intentions for the days ahead set in stone.”
“At twenty-six years old? Something like that, yeah,” I nodded. “But you first. What are your plans?”
“Nothing in particular,” she shrugged.
“Nothing at all?”
“What can I say?” Clara answered. “I mean, I’m only into my first year of college. Right now, I’m going for a biology major, but who knows what I’ll be wanting to do in a year, maybe two. As for now… all I’ve ever really wanted to do was get away from here and start again, somewhere fresh.”
“You’re bored of it here,” I observed.
“Yeah. I mean, I’ve tagged along with Natalie once or twice when she’s gone on a family vacation, but that’s not quite the same… as much as I would hate to leave her, I’ve gotta figure things out for myself.”
“I’m kind of surprised,” I chuckled. “You leaving Natalie? I’ll believe it when I see it.”
She shot me a dirty, teasing look.
“Where do you want to go?” I followed up.
“I don’t know.”
“Out of the country?”
“What? No, definitely not,” Clara shook her head. “I’m fine with things just as they are here. When I say I want to ‘get away from here’, I mean that I want to leave the state. Go to a different city. Live a different way.”
“Nothing will teach you that like heading abroad,” I hinted.
“Nah. Doesn’t really interest me,” she insisted. “It’s dangerous abroad. Plus, there’s the whole matter of learning other languages, etiquette, customs… I’d like to keep it simple for the time being.
“Simple with you,” she hastily added.
I smiled. It was a nice thought, but I was determined to help her see things my way, particularly when I knew what she was about to ask…
“What about you?” she predictably continued the train of thought, softly kissing my chest. “What do you want from the future?”
A smile stretched across my face.
“Perfect world? I’d leave.”
She paused. “Leave? Like, go back to London?”
“Yeah,” I wistfully continued. “I’ve been stationed in a few different spots around the world, but mostly Afghanistan. Even in the more exotic locales… South Korea, Sweden, Germany… I could never really enjoy the culture. Not without the military breathing down my neck.”
“You want to see the world,” Clara observed, planting her lips on my neck.
“That’s right. But this time, I'd do it on my terms,” I elaborated, feeling my face harden with the thought. “No automatic rifle at hand’s reach, no combat fatigues. I step off a plane and backpack across Europe. I want to ride camels outside Cairo, eat proper ramen in a hole-in-the-wall dive bar in Toyko, and smoke myself silly in Amsterdam. There’s a great, big world out there, you know… and I want to see it all.”
I reflected on this a moment.
It had been so important to me.
r /> Joining the Marines had only convinced me further that this was the right choice. I’d only gone from one fading superpower to the next. I needed to get away from America, even England, and see the rest of the world.