He blinked, looked at her again, and knew he’d let his imagination work overtime. Her lips were curved in a cool smile and her eyes were clear.
David’s hands fell to his sides. Whatever he’d thought he’d seen in her a moment ago had been just another example of how easily he could still be taken in, if not by his wife then by his own imagination.
“I’m sure I’m going to like it here,” she said. “Now, if you don’t mind terribly, I really would like to take a nap.”
“Of course. I’d forgotten what an exhausting day this must have been for you.” He started for the door. Halfway there, he paused and swung toward her. “I, uh, I’m not quite certain when I’ll be able to get to see you again.”
“Don’t worry about it, David. This is a long way to come after a day’s work and besides, I’m sure I’ll be so busy I won’t have time for visitors.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
Joanna smiled. “Safe trip home,” she said.
She held the smile until the door snicked shut after him. Then it dropped from her lips and she buried her face in her hands and wept.
Until today, she’d thought nothing could be as awful as waking up and remembering nothing about your life.
Now, she knew that it was even more horrible to realize that you were part of a loveless marriage.
* * *
“Mr. Adams?”
David looked up. He’d had his nose buried in a pile of reports he’d dredged out of the briefcase he always kept near at hand until the voice of his chauffeur intruded over the intercom.
“What is it, Hollister?”
“Sorry to bother you, sir, but I just caught a report on the radio about an overturned tractor trailer near the tunnel approach to the city.”
David sighed and ran his hand through his hair. It wasn’t any bother at all. The truth was, he didn’t have the foggiest idea what was in the papers spread out on the seat beside him. He’d tried his damnedest to concentrate but that split instant when he’d seen those wispy curls lying against Joanna’s pale skin kept intruding.
“Did they say anything about the traffic?”
“It’s tied up for miles. Would you want me to take the long way? We could detour to the Palisades Parkway and take the bridge.”
“Yes, that’s a good idea, Hollister. Take the next turnoff and…” David frowned, then leaned forward. “No, the hell with that. Just pull over.”
“Sir?”
“I said, pull over. Up ahead, where the shoulder of the road widens.”
“Is there a problem, Mr. Adams?”
A taut smile twisted across David’s mouth.
“No,” he said, as the big car glided to a stop. “I just want to change seats with you.”
“Sir?” Hollister said again. There was a world of meaning in the single word.
David laughed and jerked open the car door.
“I feel like driving, Hollister. You can stay up front, if you like. Just slide across the seat and put your belt on because I’m in the mood to see if this car can do anything besides look good.”
For the first time in memory, Hollister smiled.
“She can do a lot besides look good, sir. She’s not your Jaguar by a long shot but if you put your foot right to the floor, I think she’ll surprise you.”
David grinned. He waited until his chauffeur had fastened his seat belt and then he did as the man had suggested, put the car in gear and the pedal to the metal, and forgot everything but the road.
* * *
He called Joanna every evening, promptly at seven. Their conversations were always the same.
How was she? he asked.
Fine, she answered.
And how was she getting along at Bright Meadows?
She said “fine” to that one, too.
Friday evening, when he phoned, he told her he had some work to do Saturday but he’d see her on Sunday.
Only if he could fit it into his schedule, she said.
His teeth ground together at the polite distance in the words. Evidently, she didn’t need to remember the past to know how she wanted to behave in the present.
“I’ll be there,” he said grimly, and hung up the phone.
Sunday morning, he went for his usual run. He showered, put on a pair of time-worn jeans, a pair of sneakers and—in deference to the warming Spring weather—a lightweight blue sweatshirt. Then he got behind the wheel of the Jaguar and drove upstate.
Halfway there, he realized that he was out of uniform. Joanna didn’t care for the casual look. She didn’t care for this car, either. She had, a long time ago. At least, she’d pretended she had.
The hell with it. It was too late to worry about and besides, it was one thing to pretend they hadn’t been about to get divorced and quite another to redo his life. He’d done that for damned near four years and that had been three years and a handful of months too many.
The grounds of the rehab center were crowded with patients and visitors, but he spotted Joanna as soon as he drove through the gates. She was sitting on a stone bench beside a dogwood tree that was just coming into flower, the creamy blossoms a counterpoint to her dark hair. She was reading a book and oblivious to anything around her, which was typical of her. It was how she’d dealt with him during so much of the time they’d been married, as if she were living on a separate planet.
It made him furious, which was stupid, because he’d gotten over giving a damn about how she acted a long time ago. Still, after he’d parked the car and walked back to where she was sitting, he had to force himself to smile.
“Hi.”
She looked up, her dark eyes wide with surprise.
“David!”
“Why so shocked?” He sat down beside her. “I told you I’d be here today.”
“Well, I know what you said, but…?
??
But he hadn’t cared enough to come up all week. Not that it mattered to her if she saw him or not…
“But?”
Joanna shut the book and put it on the bench beside her. “Nothing,” she said. “I guess you just caught me by surprise.”
He waited for her to say something more. When she didn’t, he cleared his throat.
“So, how are things going? Have you settled in?”
“Oh, yes. Everyone’s very nice.”
“Good. And are they helping you?”
“Have I remembered, do you mean?” Joanna got to her feet and he rose, too. They began walking slowly along a path that wound behind the main building. “No, not a thing. Everyone tells me to be patient.”
“But it’s hard.”
“Yes.” She looked up at him. “For you, too.”
He knew he was supposed to deny it, but he couldn’t.
“Yes,” he said quietly, “for me, too.”
Joanna nodded. “I just can’t help wondering…”
“What?”
She shook her head. She’d promised herself not to say anything; the words had just slipped out.
“Nothing.”
“Come on, Joanna, you were going to ask me something. What is it?”
“Well, I know I’m not a doctor or anything, but—” She hesitated. “Wouldn’t my memory come back faster if I were in familiar surroundings?” He looked at her, saying nothing, and she spoke more quickly. “You don’t know what it’s like, David, not to be able to picture your own house. The furniture, or the colors of the walls…”
“You want to come home,” he said.
Joanna looked up at him. There was no mistaking the sudden flatness in his voice.
“I just want to get my memory back,” she said softly. “It’s what you want, too, isn’t it?”
A muscle flickered in his jaw. “It wouldn’t work,” he said carefully. “You need peace and quiet, someone to look after you. I’m hardly ever home before ten at night and even when I am, the phone’s forever ringing, and the fax is going…”
A cold hand seemed to clamp around her heart.
“I understand,” she said.
“Who would take care of you? I could hire a nurse, yes, but—”
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” Her voice took on an edge. “I’m an amnesiac, not an invalid.”