Artemis Fowl (Artemis Fowl 1)

Now that you have reviewed the case file, you must realize what a dangerous creature this Fowl is.

There is a tendency to romanticize Artemis. To attribute to him qualities that he does not possess. The fact that he used his wish to heal his mother is not a sign of affection. He did it simply because the Social Services were already investigating his case, and it was only a matter of time before he was put into care.

He kept the existence of the People quiet only so that he could continue to exploit them over the years, which he did on several occasions. His one mistake was leaving Captain Short alive. Holly became the LEP’s foremost expert in the Artemis Fowl cases, and was invaluable in the fight against the People’s most feared enemy. This fight was to continue across several decades.

Ironically, the greatest triumph for both protagonists

was the time they were forced to cooperate during the goblin insurgence. But that’s another story.

Report compiled by Dr. J. Argon, B. Psych, for the LEP Academy files. Details are 94% accurate, 6% unavoidable extrapolation.

The End

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ARTEMIS FOWL:

THE ARCTIC INCIDENT

The loss of her husband had had a profound effect on Angeline Fowl. She had retreated to her room, refusing to go outside. She had taken refuge in her mind, preferring dreams of the past to real life. It is doubtful that she would have recovered had not her son, Artemis the Second, done a deal with the elf Holly Short: his mother’s sanity in return for half the ransom gold he had stolen from the fairy police. His mother safely restored, Artemis Junior focused his efforts on locating his father, investing large chunks of the family fortune in Russian excursions, local intelligence, and Internet search companies.

Young Artemis had received a double share of Fowl guile. But with the recovery of his mother, a moral and beautiful lady, it became increasingly difficult for him to realize his ingenious schemes, schemes that were ever more necessary to fund the search for his father.

Angeline, distraught over her son’s obsession and afraid of the effects of the past year on Artemis’s mind, signed her thirteen-year-old up for treatment with the school counselor.

You have to feel sorry for him. The counselor, that is ...

Saint Bartleby’s School for Young Gentlemen, County Wicklow, Ireland; Present Day

Dr. Po leaned back in his padded armchair, eyes flicking across the page in front of him.

“Now, Master Fowl, let’s talk, shall we?”

Artemis sighed deeply, smoothing his dark hair back from a wide, pale brow. When would people learn that a mind such as his could not be dissected? He himself had read more psychology textbooks than the counselor. He had even contributed an article to The Psychologists’ Journal, under the pseudonym Dr. F. Roy Dean Schlippe.

“Certainly, Doctor. Let’s talk about your chair. Victorian?”

Po rubbed the leather arm fondly. “Yes, quite correct. Something of a family heirloom. My grandfather acquired it at auction in Sotheby’s. Apparently it once stood in the palace. The Queen’s favorite.”

A taut smile stretched Artemis’s lips perhaps half an inch.

“Really, Doctor. They don’t generally allow fakes in the palace.”

Po’s grip stretched the worn leather. “Fake? I assure you, Master Fowl, this is completely authentic.”

Artemis leaned in for a closer examination. “It’s clever, I grant you. But look here.”

Po’s gaze followed the youth’s finger.

“Those furniture tacks. See the crisscross pattern on the head? Machine tooled. Nineteen twenty at the earliest. Your grandfather was duped. But what matter? A chair is a chair. A possession of no importance, eh, Doctor?”

Po scribbled furiously, burying his dismay. “Yes, Artemis, very clever. Just as your file says. Playing your little games. Now shall we get back to you?”

Artemis Fowl the Second straightened the crease in his trousers. “There is a problem here, Doctor.”

“Really? And what might that be?”

“The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.”

Dr. Po jotted in his pad for a full minute. “We do have a problem, Artemis. But that’s not it,” he said eventually.

Artemis almost smiled. No doubt the doctor would treat him to another predictable theory. Which disorder would he have today? Multiple personality perhaps, or maybe he’d be a pathological liar?

“The problem is that you don’t respect anyone enough to treat them as an equal.”

Artemis was thrown by the statement. This doctor was smarter than the rest.

“That’s ridiculous. I hold several people in the highest esteem.”

Po did not glance up from his notebook.

“Really? Who, for example?”

Artemis thought for a moment. “Albert Einstein. His theories were usually correct. And Archimedes, the Greek mathematician.”

“What about someone whom you actually know?”

Artemis thought hard. No one came to mind.

“What? No examples?”

Artemis shrugged. “You seem to have all the answers, Dr. Po, why don’t you tell me?”

Po opened a window on his laptop. “Extraordinary. Every time I read this—”

“My biography, I presume?”