She leaned in to kiss him. ‘Tell your parents. They’ll understand.’
‘It’d be cruel to tell them they were grandparents and didn’t get the opportunity to be a part of Joshua’s short life.’ He couldn’t do that to them. It was still so painful for him.
‘They’re tougher than you’re giving them credit for, Rafe.’ Izzy stood up. ‘I’m going for a quick shower and then let’s go see Grand’mère. You could practise on her, since she won’t hear you.’
‘Oh, right.’ From somewhere deep inside, he found her a smile. ‘Should’ve told you a long time ago.’
‘Yes, Rafe, you should’ve.’
He reached for her hands, was shocked to feel them shaking too. Anger? Sadness? Knowing Izzy, it would be a combination of a lot of emotions—all for him. ‘I was afraid that if I opened up and told you I’d never be able to get myself under control again.’
‘And now?’
His heart slowed, but a weight had gone from it. ‘I think I’m going to make it.’
* * *
Isabella wandered through the old city centre to the Halles d’Avignon again, Raphael beside her deep in thought. Not surprising after what he’d revealed earlier. She was still trying to get her head around it. They passed people eating on the sidewalk and today her mouth didn’t water as the smell of a fresh croissant and piping hot coffee reached her nose from the endless cafés.
How could Cassie have done something so cruel? Unbelievable. She’d stolen his chance of knowing his child, of knowing he had been a father. He still was a father. Along with that she’d turned him away from the very people who could’ve supported him through the pain and grief. Including her. He’d said he was afraid to let the pain out, for fear it would grow and spread. She understood that.
They reached the market and she hesitated. Not even the spices of every variety at the market could distract her. Glancing at Rafe she saw him smile ever so slightly, despite the heaviness on his heart. This was something he missed in London. But then he was French. And this was France. Home. He could live here all too easily. If he told his parents about Joshua. He had to. She knew that, probably better than he did, because until he did it would still be hanging over him, affecting everything he decided to do.
‘Come on. I promised you breakfast and you can’t back out on me now.’ He leaned in to kiss her cheek.
She nodded, afraid to speak in case she told him that she understood him better than he realised, probably better than he did at the moment. He would front up to his family with the truth, and then... Yeah, and then... She couldn’t put it into words. It hurt too much.
The pastry was dry on her tongue and the coffee ordinary. Finally she pushed her plate aside and watched Raphael. She loved him so much, and still couldn’t find the courage to tell him.
‘Come on, I’ll buy you some Camembert and bleu d’Auvergne to take when you go home.’
‘My favourite cheeses,’ she agreed. Hopefully her appetite returned to enjoy them. ‘Let’s go.’ Suddenly impatient to be moving she leapt up. ‘I’d like to visit Grand’mère once more today.’ Rafe’s grandmother was still in a coma, though when they called in before coming here the doctor said she was responding a little to touch sometimes.
‘I hope she has heard you talking to her. You hold a special place in her heart, as her lost Kiwi.’
Isabella felt her eyes tearing up. ‘She’s always been welcoming and kind to me. Even when I was a bumptious teen.’
‘I think that’s why she likes you. You don’t take any nonsense from anyone.’ Raphael’s arm wrapped around her shoulders and he drew her against his side as they ducked around people to reach the cheese stall. ‘Let loose, pick whatever you want.’ He didn’t let go of her as she chattered away to the woman behind the counter, nor when he handed over money to pay for her choices, nor as they walked back to the hospital.
She was glad, needing him, wanting him to want her.
‘No change,’ a nurse told them as they walked past the desk in Grand’mère’s ward.
‘To be expected,’ Rafe said, though she could hear his despair.
‘Gives you the opportunity to tell her what you don’t want her to hear.’
Raphael stopped still, right in the middle of the corridor, and turned to face her. His gaze was serious and her heart lurched. She knew what was coming.
‘You were right. I do need to tell the family about Joshua. I’ll do it this afternoon.’
Reaching up on her toes, she brushed a kiss across his mouth. ‘I’m proud of you.’
And I love you, but that’s for another day.
* * *
The next morning Raphael bounced out of bed and into the shower at seven o’clock.
‘Look at you, bouncing around like a kangaroo.’ Izzy groaned. ‘Some of us still need our sleep.’
‘I had the best night in ages,’ he told her. ‘Slept right through. You were right. Telling Maman and Papa about Joshua was the right thing to do. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my heart.’
‘Good. Sometimes I’m not so silly after all.’
‘I’m going in to see Grand’mère and tell her, even if she is still unconscious. She’ll probably wake up telling the world my story.’
‘Then I’ll stay here and have a lie-in.’
‘See you later, then. I’ll take you to the airport about two. How does that sound?’
‘Awful. I don’t want to go home yet.’ What she really didn’t want was to leave Raphael. It had been good spending time here with him, and joining his family.
‘Sound like you mean it, will you?’ Didn’t he want her to go either?
She laughed. ‘Say hello to Grand’mère for me.’
An hour later she rolled out of bed and into the shower before going to make a coffee and sit on the terrace overlooking the edge of the city and the Rhône beyond. It was beautiful with all the stonework and the wall that surrounded the city. But it wasn’t home. That was London. She had to keep believing that or she’d be back at the beginning, not knowing where she was headed.
‘Morning, Isabella.’ Raphael’s mother stepped onto the deck, a cup of coffee in hand. ‘Beautiful morning, oui?’
‘Stunning.’
‘Where’s Raphael?’
‘He’s gone into the hospital to see Grand’mère.’
‘I can’t believe what that woman did to him.’ Celeste sat down beside her. ‘It is cruel. He’ll always wonder what his boy looked like.’
‘Yes, he will.’ It was the most hideous thing someone could do, and Cassie had once loved Raphael. Had that not counted for anything?
‘It’s good that he told us. We can understand why he’s stayed away now. Not that he should’ve. We’d always support him.’
‘I think he knows that.’
Celeste sipped her coffee and stared out over the balustrade. ‘And what about you, Isabella? You’re settling into London?’
‘Yes, I am. I can’t wait to move into my flat and start putting my own mark on it.’
‘How long do you think you’ll be there?’
Hello? What was this about? ‘Long term.’
‘I see.’
Isabella’s stomach cramped. What did she see? ‘Do you? It’s been a long time since I’ve stopped in one place, and never for ever. I need to do this.’
‘What about Raphael?’
‘What about him?’ The cramps turned to hard squeezing. Her heart began racing.
‘He belongs here, Isabella. With his family. He misses Avignon and all of us, especially Grand’mère.’
She couldn’t argue with that. ‘He does.’