‘Thanks.’ Tom tossed his pen aside and shoved his chair back. ‘Guess it’s time for surgery again. There’s also another trip to the pools this evening, if you’re interested.’
‘I’ll be there.’ The water would warm her again.
Walking down the stairs leading to the operating theatre, Fiona still felt unsettled, and she blamed that on her sudden desire for a baby. Having Tom striding alongside her didn’t help. She focused on Shaun instead. ‘I hope we can solve Shaun’s problem soon. The sooner he’s getting the right treatment the better.’
Tom agreed. ‘I think he’ll go ahead in leaps and bounds once we’ve sorted the situation.’
She looked up at him. His attitude was completely professional this morning. Keeping his distance, she presumed. Come to think of it, he’d been that way since they were called to the accident. And she’d thought they might be getting closer. There was that mind-blowing kiss…At the moment his lips were straight, tight, as if he was holding something in, but she vividly recalled how they’d felt against hers last night. Soft and strong. Earthy and male. A kiss shouldn’t hold such power, have such impact, but Tom’s certainly did. It had been in her dreams that morning.
The second blinding realisation of the day slammed her.
She loved Tom. Still loved him. And if she was going to have another baby this was the only man she’d ever consider having one with.
There it was. As clear as an autumn sky. Her stomach clenched, squeezed, made her catch her breath. How could she not have known her own feelings? Love was a huge emotion. She should have been aware of it, should have felt it in her bones, in the very air she breathed.
What now? She loved this wonderful, caring man, and on Saturday she’d have to walk away from him. Again. She couldn’t do it.
She had to do it. He’d made it abundantly clear he might care for her, but he didn’t love her.
So she’d have to make the most of the few days she had left with him. Her shoulders drooped as her stomach cramped. No, she’d have to settle for professional conversations, working together in Theatre, and snatched dinners in the cottage before he dashed back to the hospital.
What did he do over here late at night? There would be a lot of administrative work in running this place, and Tom probably didn’t get time during the day to look at it, what with patients and staff demanding his attention every minute of every hour. If only she could stay on and help him. Another truth hit home. She’d love nothing more than living and working here beside Tom, helping keep the hospital going.
Pain jagged her. There wasn’t a place for her in the life he’d carved out. He only needed a plastic surgeon a few weeks of the year, and he didn’t seem to want a wife at all.
‘You’ve gone quiet.’ Tom turned to look down at her, his hands now jammed in his pockets. A raft of emotions raced across his face. Too many for her to read accurately, though she thought she recognised confusion, hope, and biggest of all worry. About what?
At least he couldn’t read her mind. Then he’d really have something to worry about. How would he react if he knew how she felt? Better not go there.
‘Did our accident patients get away to Christchurch Hospital?’ she asked, in an attempt to bring her brain back into line and away from these disturbing thoughts.
‘Yes. The ambulances got here about an hour ago.’
As they pushed through the theatre doors, dressed in their blue theatre gear, scrubbed and ready to go, Kerry looked up and waved. ‘Hi, you two. Thought we’d have to start without you.’
‘Are we late?’ both Fiona and Tom asked in unison, then smiled at each other.
Fiona concentrated hard throughout the four operations she performed that afternoon. But between patients, as she scrubbed up and waited for the next child, her mind kept returning to Tom and her love for him. At the end of the day she was still none the wiser about what to do about it. Except put it back where it had laid dormant for years.
The noise level in their section of the main pool was horrendous, with Fiona adding her share of yells to the mix. Everyone had joined in a game of water bull rush, with the kids winning hands down.
‘I’d rather be sitting in front of a roaring fire with a glass of red wine in my hand,’ one mother moaned good-naturedly as she ducked aside from two charging boys and got dunked by another for her efforts.
Fiona pushed sopping hair out of her eyes, agreeing. ‘You forgot the Brie and crackers.’
‘Pathetic, the pair of you,’ Tom quipped behind her. ‘What could be better than joining in with these guys, having fun?’
‘I think we just answered that one.’ Pleased that Tom had joined them, Fiona nearly missed seeing two children suddenly dive, aiming directly for her legs. As she lunged sideways, she added, ‘In the meantime, I’m not letting these two stop me getting to the other end and claiming my point.’
Strong arms caught her around the waist and Tom said, ‘But I am. I’m on their side.’
Fiona wriggled in his hold. ‘You can’t do that. You’re an adult; you’ve got to play for our side.’ How was she supposed to remain aloof when he did this?
Tom held her easily. ‘Caught Doc Fiona!’ he yelled to one of the girls.
Even in the tepid water Fiona was very aware of the heat from Tom’s hands. Heat that had a lot to do with her body’s reaction to the man she still wanted to call her husband. She held herself stiff, stopped wriggling.
Tom’s eyebrows rose. ‘Give in?’
‘Never.’ Her toes reached for the bottom of the pool, found Tom’s shins. Even that small contact sent her blood zinging. Which was such an over-the-top reaction that she blushed. Hopefully he wouldn’t notice in the rising steam.
But when she lifted her face to peer at him she knew he understood exactly how she felt. His hands were slowly bringing her closer to his body, her thighs against his, her hands gripping his forearms. It felt incredibly right to be here in Tom’s arms. He was the only man who’d ever made her feel so secure and so sexy all in one hit. With Tom she’d always felt alive. That was how she felt right now. Her body had begun awakening from a deep sleep. It had been so, so long since she’d felt anything as exciting as this. Tendrils of desire unfurled at the pit of her stomach.
‘Fi.’ It was almost a gasp.
Such a little word, his name for her, but so full of meaning, so coloured with what had been between them before, so laden with what might be now if only they could find the way back to each other.
You can’t afford to get too close. Not even once. It will hurt when it’s over and you’ve gone away.
The zinging stopped. Her blood became sluggish, her heart heavy. Too heavy. She’d waited too long, had come back too late. Tom had moved on.
She gave his arms a light squeeze and slid away. His hands let go their hold instantly, his gaze perplexed. Pushing through the water, she made for the end of the pool and hauled herself out. It was too dangerous for her peace of mind to stay in the pool any longer. She’d change into dry clothes and stay on the sidelines as the duty doctor. That way there’d be les
s damage done to her heart.
On the bus returning to the hospital, she caught Tom’s brooding gaze on her. His intensity unnerved her.
When the bus stopped outside the front door Tom waited for her to disembark. ‘I hear there’s another lion game tonight. Need a lion?’ His tone was tentative. ‘Only thing is, if I’m needed can we do it sooner rather than later? I’ve got to go out at seven.’
Rubbing her forehead with the heel of her hand, she grimaced. ‘With the way today’s shaped up I’d totally forgotten about the game. Will the kids be ready now? What about their dinner?’
‘The little ones will have eaten, and will be scrubbed and in their pyjamas ready for storytime and bed.’
‘Then I guess now’s as good a time as any.’ She turned to head to the children’s lounge. With noisy kids milling around, even walking beside Tom and talking about normal things was difficult. All she wanted was to slide her arms around his upper body and hug him to her.
‘I’ll see you there. I need to check my messages first.’ Tom’s voice sounded neutral as he stepped back, but she sensed an underlying current of emotion in the tightening of his shoulders, the way he’d suddenly shoved his hands into his pockets. As though he was trying too hard to look casual and relaxed. He forgot—she did know him very well.
Actually, she’d also forgotten he knew her very well. So he fully understood her feelings, her burning desire for him. She might as well be standing there naked for all her efforts to hide her true feelings from him. If anyone on this earth understood her, Tom did.
Tom shoved the pad aside and stretched out in his chair. ‘Thanks for covering those weeks, Kerry. I know it’s never easy for you to do extra hours.’
‘You can pay me in gold bullion if you like.’ Kerry grinned.
‘I’ll get some out of my security box next time I go to the bank.’
‘I’d better get home. The girls will have Craig wound around their little fingers well and truly by now.’
Tom grinned. ‘Yeah, and he’ll be loving every minute of it.’ His goddaughters were adorable bundles of mischief. A sense of missing out caught him, made him wistful for what might have been if only he and Fiona had been able to work things out between them. Look how well she’d slotted in here. So well he wondered how he’d manage when she left again.