‘Time we went home, Grady.’ Sasha stepped into the light spilling from the windows. ‘Melanie has finished feeding and needs to be tucked up in her cot.’
‘Not a problem, sweetheart.’ Grady unwound his long body and stood up. ‘You want to do a spot of fishing tomorrow, Jackson? We could put the tinny in before breakfast and go find ourselves something for brunch.’
‘I’m on. See you about six?’ Fishing always relaxed him. Unless he was with Nicholas and had to spend the whole time baiting hooks and untying knots in the line. Which was kind of fun, in its own way.
‘Six? Just because you’re sleeping solo tonight, you want to drag me out early.’
‘Five past?’ Jackson laughed, but inside he felt lonely. Grady was a good bloke, but he wasn’t what he needed right now, at night, in bed. No, she had elected to go home alone.
* * *
Jess might’ve desperately wanted to sleep, but that didn’t mean she got any. At two o’clock she gave up and went out to the kitchen to make some chamomile tea. Sitting in the lounge, she switched on the TV and watched the second half of some out-of-date rerun of something she’d first seen when she’d been about fourteen. And still the thoughts about what she should tell Jackson before he left went round and round her skull.
‘Hey, Jackson, I love you. So if you ever change your mind about coming home or wanting a life partner, you know my number.’
Yep, that would work. She could see him rushing up and kissing her and telling her that was the best news he’d had in a long time. Not.
Okay, what about, ‘Jackson, I love you and would love it if Nicholas and I could move to Hong Kong to be with you.’
He probably wouldn’t bother packing his bags, just run for the airport.
What about just shutting up, keeping her feelings to herself, and getting on with enjoying the remaining weeks?
Yep, that might work.
Except she’d heard Sasha loud and clear. It was time to risk her heart, lay it out there for Jackson to do with as he pleased. At least she’d know exactly where she stood with him.
Thought I knew that already.
They were having an affair; no more, no less. She’d fallen in love with him the night it had started but she’d known from the beginning that the fling had no chance of becoming anything else. It’d be breaking the rules to tell Jackson her true feelings.
Rules were made to be broken, weren’t they?
Apparently, but...she drew a deep breath...this could backfire so fast, so badly, she daren’t do it.
She had to do it. It was eating her up, not being honest with him.
Why had she fallen for him? Why Jackson, of all men? Because he was out of reach and so she’d be safe? Wouldn’t have to relinquish her long-held beliefs that she couldn’t love more than one person thoroughly?
Newsflash. You already do love Nicholas and Jackson, and you haven’t once let your boy down in the weeks you’ve been seeing Jackson. You are so not like your parents it’s a joke.
The annoying voice in her head hadn’t finished with her yet. ‘You love Jackson because he’s Jackson, because of all the little things that make him the man he is. The good things and the not-so-good things.’ Huh? ‘The immaculate clothes that are so out of place here, the need to be in charge.’ Oh. ‘Remember the colour of love is sky blue. Happy blue with bright yellow sunshine.’
CHAPTER NINE
THE COLOUR OF love was absent the next morning as Jess drove to the Wilson household. The sky was grey with heavy, rain-filled clouds and they were going nowhere. The moist atmosphere felt chilly after such a hot summer.
Her heart was out of whack, like it didn’t know what rhythm it should be beating. It sure clogged her throat any time she thought about her mission.
‘So don’t think about it.’ Yeah, sure.
‘What can’t I think about, Mummy?’
‘Sorry, sweetheart. I was talking to myself.’ Turning into the long driveway leading up to Ian and Virginia’s house, her foot lifted off the accelerator and the car slowly came to a halt. What am I doing? Is it the right thing? The resolve she’d found at about six that morning had deserted her. Turn around and go home. No. That’s cowardly.
Before she could overthink what she’d come to do, she pressed her foot hard on the accelerator and the car shot up the drive like she was being chased.
‘Hi, Jess, Nicholas. You’re out early.’ Ian sauntered over to them from his packing shed. ‘Just like the boys. Grady was around here before the sparrows woke to take Jackson out fishing.’
Her heart stopped its erratic tattoo as relief whooshed through her. Coward. This is a delay, not the finish of your mission. ‘Isn’t it a bit rough out on the water today?’
Ian shook his head. ‘No. Flat calm at the moment. Perfect conditions. Though it is forecast to kick up early afternoon, but they’ll be back long before then. Hopefully with a bin of fish for lunch.’
‘Fishing? I want to go, too.’
‘No, Nicholas, you can’t.’ Thump-thump went the dull pain behind her eyes. The last thing she needed was Nicholas throwing a paddy because he hadn’t gone with Jackson. Picking him up, she hugged him tight. ‘Sorry, sweetheart.’
Ian ruffled Nicholas’s hair. ‘Sorry, boyo, but Grady and Jackson were having some man time. None of us were invited.’
‘What’s man time?’ came the inevitable question.
Jess held her breath as Ian answered, keen to know what this fishing trip was all about if not catching fish.
‘It’s when close friends want to spend time talking or not talking and doing something together that they enjoy.’
What did Jackson and Grady have to talk about that they hadn’t already discussed last night around the dinner table?
‘Guess we’ll go back home, then.’ She sighed. Home, where she could pace up and down the small lounge. Or make herself useful and bake cookies for her neighbours. Or, ‘Think I’ll go see Sasha.’
Ian frowned. ‘Don’t go before you’ve seen Virginia, will you? She’s a bit shaky this morning and I don’t mind admitting she worries me. I never know how she’s really feeling, she’s so intent on hiding the truth from me.’
Guilt assailed her. She’d become very selfish recently, putting her own concerns before those of her friends. See, loving Jackson did divert her from the other people in her life. ‘Of course I’m going to see Virginia. Is there something you want me to check out?’
‘No. There are two doctors in the family taking good care of her. Driving her insane with all their questions if you want to know the truth. But while I can sympathise with Virginia, I need those boys doing the doctor thing.’ Ian looked glum as he ran a hand through his hair. Like father, like son. ‘Just give her some cheek and pretend everything’s normal, will you?’
‘Come on, Nicholas. Let’s go say hello to Virginia.’
‘He can help me in the shed, if you like.’ Ian looked at Nicholas. ‘We’ve got boxes to make up for the avocados.’
‘Yes, please. I want to help.’
‘Guess that’s decided, then.’ Jess headed for the house, torn between being relieved Jackson wasn’t around to talk to and being disappointed she hadn’t got it over and done with.
* * *
Jackson wound hard and fast, bringing the line in before the barracuda bit into the blue cod he’d hooked. ‘Get lost, you waste of sea space.’
‘You’ve got two cod on those hooks.’ Grady grinned. ‘Talk about greedy.’
‘Saves time.’ Jackson swung the straining line over the side of the boat so that his catch landed in the big bin they’d put on board. ‘Nothing wrong with either of them either. Definitely not undersized.’ He grinned. Not like Grady’s last two.
‘Next you’ll be saying you’ve caught the biggest of the day.’
r /> ‘Too right.’ One of the cod had swallowed the hook, making it tricky to remove. He found the special pliers and wrenched it free. The other fish was foul-hooked around the mouth and didn’t take much to undo. ‘Got my brunch. How’re you doing?’
‘I’m onto getting enough for the rest of the family.’ Grady wound in a fish and Jackson nearly split his sides laughing.
‘Not even Nicholas would get enough to eat from that.’
‘Says the expert,’ Grady grumped, and carefully slid the undersized cod back under the water. ‘You and that boy get on okay.’
‘He likes fishing.’ Hopefully Grady would take him out occasionally. ‘I’ll miss him.’
‘What about his mother? Going to miss her, too?’
‘Definitely.’ More than he’d have believed possible. Hell, he missed her now, missed her whenever they were apart. It had hurt last night when she’d wanted to go home alone. But she was entitled to her space. He didn’t want to encroach on everything she did. Not much, anyway.
‘There’s a job going at the Nelson Hospital ED.’