She shakes her head. The near smile falls from her lips.
"Can we see her?" she asks no one in particular.
He nods, whispers some directions, and turns back to the hallway.
I follow her and Blake to Meryl's room.
It's small. Private.
It's so much like that day three years ago.
We're separated by iron and glass.
I can see her, but I can't get close.
She's sleeping. Her heart rate monitor is steady. It's the same as Lizzy's was. It promises she's surviving.
But this time, she isn't.
My legs go weak. I clutch at Blake's arm, but, still I crumble.
He catches me and helps me to a bench. It's private. Sort of.
It's far enough away from everyone that we can talk.
He brushes the hair from my eyes.
It calms me.
It soothes every nerve in my body.
Of course it does.
I'm madly in love with him.
And he's looking at me with every ounce of concern in the world.
"I'll make sure you get your money," he says. "Even if she dies before the wedding."
"I don't care about the money."
"Let's do it here, tomorrow. There's a chapel down the hall. Your dress should be ready. Ashleigh can call the tailor. I'll offer him double to get it done overnight."
I take an easy breath.
Blake's expression is desperate. He needs control over this. He needs to go through with this lie.
But I need something he can't give me.
I can't marry him like this.
"No," I say.
"Kat, please."
"I'm sorry." A tear rolls down my cheek. Meryl is going to die and there's nothing I can do to save her.
There was nothing I could do to save my parents.
There's nothing I can do to fix this.
"Kat. Think about what you're saying."
I swallow hard. Just one last time. I lean in and press my lips to Blake's. He tastes good. Like whiskey and like Blake. "Goodbye." I push myself off the bench. "I'll visit her in the morning."
"Kat. You can't."
I shake my head. "I have to. I… I'll find a way to pay you back for the apartment. Somehow."
"It's only one day. Half an hour. Then she can die happy."
"I'm sorry." I pull the ring off my finger and press it into his palm.
"But why?"
"Do you love me?"
"Kat…"
"That's the only way you can change my mind."
And it's never going to happen.
He's never going to fall in love with me.
Chapter 32
Room 302. A windowless room in the middle of the hallway.
Hospitals are always depressing, but this takes the cake. There's no life in this room. It's ugly. Still. Plain.
Meryl lies in her hospital bed. Her face is still a strange, pale yellow. She looks weak and tired, but she looks happy too.
"Sweetheart, what are you doing up so early?" she asks.
I pull up a chair next to her bed and get comfortable. I'm going to be here a while. "Visiting hours started three minutes ago."
"I'll forgive the delay." She looks me over carefully. Her eyes fix on my unadorned left hand. "You're no longer obligated to visit me."
"I was never obligated." I squeeze my purse handle. "You've been so kind to me. You really accepted me as your daughter-in-law. I'm sorry that I can't be… that Blake and I won't…"
Her brow furrows. "What happened?"
"I can't bother you with my relationship problems."
She scoffs. "Sweetie, it's not a bother. Anything is better than sitting here with everyone looking at me like I'm going to die." She grabs the bed's remote control and adjusts it so she's mostly upright. "I can help. I know my son."
"Then you know the problem."
Meryl frowns. "He said you got into a fight about the wedding. He wanted to move it up. You thought that was a transparent attempt to appease his poor dying mother."
I can't help but smile. She has a damn good sense of humor. "Did he really say all that?"
"I read between the lines." She sips her glass of orange juice. "He says it's a fight and that you'll make up soon. But from the look on your face…"
There's a look on my face? God damn Sterling ability to read people. I try to smile, but this time it's not coming naturally. "It's unlikely."
"Was anything he said true?"
Tension stirs inside me. I'm not lying anymore. Not to her. "It's his version of it." I stare at the white tile floor. "He and I never… he never…"
"Sweetheart, I know you were pretending."
My heart is beating so fucking loud. "What?"
Meryl offers a sly smile. "I don't know the details, but I can tell. It's almost sweet. I never realized he cared this much about making me happy."
"He does." My gaze goes right back to the floor. It's scuffed with ugly white lines. "And he's stubborn."
"Very."
I force myself to make eye contact. She has the same blue eyes as Blake. They're just as piercing. Just as good at picking me apart. "How did you know?"
"The boy doesn't have an impulsive bone in his body. If he really was seeing someone, I'd have known about it months ago."
Something in me relaxes. It's not that he's incapable of love. At least, she doesn't believe he's incapable of it.
I nod. "Part of it was true. We met when I was leaving an interview, and he offered me the job. If you can call it that." I pluck the stray threads from my purse's handle. "I feel awful about lying to you."
"Don't. You get something good in exchange for this?"
"Really good."
"Sweetie, as far as I'm concerned, we never had this conversation. Take Blake back, marry him, divorce him, and take him to the cleaners."
"We signed a prenup."
"And how much would you get?"
I hold my purse against my stomach. "A lot."
Meryl raises a brow. "He won't miss whatever he offered you." She pushes herself up so she can lean closer. "It's a hard world for women. You have to use whatever you have to get yours. You're beautiful, smart, and a damn good liar."
"You really want me to lie to your son so I can divorce him and take his money?"
"It was his idea."
"Apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I laugh. God, this whole thing is absurd. My life was a lot easier before I met Blake, but it was a hell of a lot less interesting. "I really wish I could."
She grabs my wrist. Her eyes get serious. "Honey, you can. And you should. You two would be much happier than Fiona and Trey are."
"Probably."
"Of course, she hasn't been happy since she was Homecoming Queen." Meryl shakes her head. "My kids, my problem. They don't know what it's like to grow up with nothing. Their father did well. He spoiled them rotten. And he was insured to the hilt." Her expression softens. "They're successful. What every mom is supposed to want. God. I'm a cliché, whining about the state of my children's marriages, or lack thereof."
My stomach is twisted and torn. This confession isn't exactly freeing us. Maybe Blake was right and it was better to lie. Better to die happy believing a lie…
I study Meryl's expressi
on, trying my best Sterling stare. Her eyes are especially yellow but they're also bright. Alive. Her lips are turned into a smile.
She is happy, considering the circumstances.
"You want the truth?" I ask.
"Of course, sweetheart."
"I'm an idiot not to marry Blake. That money could be my ticket. I could spend ten years in school and another ten traveling the world. But I won't be able to do any of it with my heart broken."
Her eyes go wide. She leans closer.
"I love Blake. I love him, and he's never going to fall in love with me. I can't live like that, constantly wanting him in a way I'll never have him. It would kill me."
"Oh, sweetie." She pats my arm. "I'm sorry."
I prepare myself to blink back a tear—this whole love thing has me in pieces—but it doesn't come. I'm too tired, too numb, too something.
"You have to take care of yourself." Meryl studies me. She pulls her arm to her side. "Do me a favor and run down to the gift shop."
"Sure."
"You have cash?"
I nod.
"Get me the trashiest romance novel you can find. And get yourself a cup of coffee. You look like hell."
A laugh escapes my lips. "You got it."
"Blake would take great care of you," she says.
"He would." But it's not enough.
I buy Meryl one copy of each romance in here—there are only three—and buy myself a can of iced coffee.
It's a short walk to Meryl's room. I keep my gaze on the white tile floor.
Room 302. I reach for the door.
Shit.
Blake is here.
He's in jeans and a t-shirt. Messy hair. Bags under his eyes. He's undone. Not like the animal Blake, the one I understand.
He's some other version of Blake.
One I've never seen before.
I step inside with my best I don't give a damn my ex is here swagger. My shoes squeak against the tile floor. I force a smile.
Blake's eyes fix on mine. "Kat."
My name is a plea on his lips. But not for what I need. Not for every ounce of my love and affection.
I hand Meryl her books. "I should get going. I'll come back tomorrow."
Blake's eyes stay on mine. "Stay. Talk. I can come back."
"No, that's okay. I have a lot of work to do. Deadlines for my applications." I press the can of coffee against the inside of my wrist. It sends a chill straight to my spine. "I hope you feel better."