“I’m just scared,” I said, the words bubbling up and out of me before I could even think them. “I thought I had my life planned out before, and it all went up in smoke. I’m afraid of being hurt like that again.”
“Look at me,” he said, scooting down so our heads were level with each other. I could see the seriousness mapped across his face. “I get it. I do. But I am nothing like your ex, and I will never do that to you.”
“I know,” I said, my voice hitching as I tried to keep the emotion from spilling over. “I know you’re nothing like him, and I love that. It scared me how strongly I felt for you. And how strongly you seemed to feel for me. Falling into that rhythm, it was so comfortable, so secure, so right. It terrified me. I swore I wouldn’t let myself do that again unless I knew for sure that I was done looking. That I had found someone who wouldn’t ever go away.” I paused, fighting the words coming up without passing through a filter first. “If I ever did.”
Tyler pulled me into his chest and kissed the top of my head while I sobbed. It didn’t last long, but the comfort of his body holding me, kissing me, was the reason why. It quelled the terror, the sadness and the questions.
“You shouldn’t be afraid,” he said. “I would never, ever do anything to hurt you. I am going to prove that to you, if you let me, every single day until the day I die.”
The emotions were too great, and I pressed my lips to his, and we rolled back into the bed, our bodies melding as one.
25
Tyler
Becca had been back home with me for a couple of days, and things were beginning to feel a little better. No longer was I waking up, staring at the ceiling and wondering what the hell I was supposed to do, and how the hell I was supposed to get through the day. Instead, each morning since she had come back had been met with a rousing morning quickie and then a breakfast fit for a king. She seemed to delight in wearing one of my old T-shirts and making a plate of bacon and eggs and sometimes pancakes or waffles or sausage. I had already run to the store once just to get more breakfast supplies because she seemed so happy making it, and I was surely happy eating it.
She was in the kitchen at that moment, in another of my T-shirts, cooking up some grub, and I relaxed into the bed, a smile on my face. It wasn’t that she didn’t have any other clothes to wear. Melissa had been all too happy to push her to stay with me and had brought what clothes Becca had over there by the day after she came back. I had put away her clothes for her, and she knew where they were, but she seemed quite content to stay in my shirts or nothing at all. I wasn’t going to raise any complaints about that.
It felt good to know her best friend supported our relationship so much. Melissa had already planned a day to come over and have dinner with us and get into the groove of being the best friend who shows up whenever. I was not used to people other than my brothers dropping by, and even then, they tended to call. Even Nick was more of a call-ahead guy, despite being my best friend for years and years. But I didn’t mind it from Melissa. It made Becca happy, and that was all that mattered.
But knowing how approving Melissa was of the relationship only highlighted the fact that Nick didn’t. Becca had said he talked to her and was a bit more understanding, but he had yet to speak to me about it. Until we had a discussion, I had a hard time believing he really was okay, and there was a real fear that our friendship had taken a hit it might not recover from. It weighed on me, and as much as I tried not to think of it and let it get me down, I managed to on occasion as I waited on him to make the first move and contact me.
In the meantime, I had enrolled in some online classes at the behest and with the help of Becca. She was much closer to college age than I was and was comfortable navigating the websites and finding the courses I wanted. I was excited to start the next semester, and because it was only a few classes, I was still entertaining the idea of keeping going at the bar quite a bit. I had put away a fair amount of money, but mostly, I didn’t want to let my brothers down.