Was I like that? The question banged in my skull over and over. Was I that sad little woman who stuck to her man like a leech or a parasite sucking out all of the joy from the host? When Michael wasn’t around, I’d sat there in our condo, waiting for him to come back. I’d turned into this dependent little waif, craving his return each time he left and waiting like a loyal dog panting at the door to welcome her master home.
At that realization, I immediately began the book’s exercises—writing a journal, exploring hobbies and things I might like, contemplating what my future goals were outside of my relationships, and spending time away from Michael to learn how to enjoy my own company. A change slowly seeped into my life and relationship. Michael was on edge with this new change. When I went out on my own to poetry readings or similar events, Michael accused me of cheating. When I wrote in my journal, he read it, hoping to discover who my lover was.
And then instead of hiding his cheating, he paraded his lovers in front of me.
“What’s wrong?” Alvarez brought my thoughts back to him. “Your expression did this drastic change, from happy to pissed. In fact, whoever is on your mind, I’m worried for them. They may not be safe around you.”
That made me laugh. “That’s a very good guess.”
“Who were you thinking about?”
“No one important.”
“I’ll bet it was someone who broke your heart.”
“That’s your second good guess for the evening.” I clapped my hands.
“And he’s the reason why I won’t be getting any more kisses.”
“And now you’ve won the grand prize.” I couldn’t kiss him anymore. This voyage was about finding myself and being able to love and enjoy life without the presence of a man next to me. I didn’t want to be a lonely little leech. I yearned to be a free bird, soaring through the sky with a destination set in her mind.
“What is my grand prize?” he asked.
“I’ll need time to think about what I can give you.”
“I have many suggestions.”
“I’ll bet you do.”
Chapter 14
Alvarez
She needed time to think about what she could give me, but I didn’t need it. Her presence alone had made my year. So close, her scent drew me in. It was difficult not to touch or lick her skin. No. Licking would not be a good thing right now, especially when she was so adamant about not giving me a kiss.
But she will give me a kiss before the night is over with.
I could see it all over her face and in the delicate lines of her mouth, that she craved me as much as I did her. She just needed time. My list of things to do crashed in my head, and on that list I remembered that getting Elle a plane ticket away from here was on it. Did she still want to leave? Was it selfish of me to need her to stay in such a dangerous situation?
Yes. It was. I’ll have to help her leave if she wants to.
Wherever she went, she would only be a plane ride away. And I would keep someone monitoring her movements, making sure she was safe and some place where I could visit her again. Because I would go see her, wherever she decided to go off to. I would deal with this sick bastard who decided to cut beautiful girls’ bodies on my property. There were also hundreds of other things to do, but I’d already planned on those things being pushed aside.
Fuck everything else after this killer is found. I want her.
And I couldn’t just have her as a friend or lover, not even dating would be enough anymore. In this little time of her sitting on my couch in my office and wearing my jacket, things changed. She’s cast light into my dark little life. Grandma said she would, that Elle would brighten up the whole family with her presence. At the time, I’d thought Grandma was making things up, but now I wasn’t so sure.
Elle was a glowing light in my darkness.
I hadn’t been able to put my finger on it before, but it was always there, shining this grand bright light and illuminating the entire space around her. That light was what the electric sensation was about when I touched her hand for the first time. That light was where the surge in my groin came from, each time I heard her laugh or saw her face or for god’s sake witnessed those beautiful strands spilled across her bare flesh.
In two days, she altered the course of my plans for my life. Before Hex, Grandma, and Dayanara crowded my skull, a constant thumping of duties and dreaded messes to clean. They were all I thought of. When there was time to think of myself, I rushed off to a new play in downtown Miami, maybe caught a quick meal, and spent the rest of my evenings drinking and sleeping with women offered by Madam Miriam. Her and her women didn’t see me as the brother of the most famous artist or even a path to an easier life. They just saw me as a part of their job, and for once I could sit back and let someone else take care of me.