“No, I’m not, but thanks for asking.” I shook my head and pushed out of the chair that was starting to annoy me. “Look Eva, I just don’t want you to get your hopes up.”
“I’m not,” she insisted. “I know exactly how difficult a client you plan to be.”
I shook my head again. “See, that makes me think you don’t understand at all. I only came in today to fill out the questionnaire because I knew you wouldn’t shut up about it and leave me in peace. But that doesn’t mean I’m willing or planning to go on any dates.”
Eva let out a frustrated sigh and shook her head. “And that’s the part that doesn’t make any sense to me. You’re young and beautiful, smarter than you pretend to be, but you seem to genuinely have no interest whatsoever in dating. Why?”
I shrugged. “I already told you why. I’ve been there and it turned my whole life upside down. I have no desire to go back. Ever. Period.” I could have been anything, probably. Maybe. The point was, I would never get the chance to find out. “Once was enough for me.”
“You want to tell me more about this once in a lifetime love that ruined you?”
“Nope. It’s in the past, and that’s where it should stay.”
“How can it when you refuse to let it go?” Eva was so smug, thought she just knew everything.
“Why don’t you cross the street without looking? Or, I don’t know, why don’t you stick your hand in a pot of boiling water? Because you almost got hit by a car or you burned yourself once and that was enough. Right?”
“Well, yeah, but-,”
“But for some reason when it comes to love, you should keep getting hurt over and over? Sounds like you people are the problem, not me.”
“Seriously?”
I nodded. “Yes, Eva, seriously. I’ve done what you asked and now I’m done. I’ll see you later.” I grabbed my jacket and wrapped my scarf around my neck as I pushed out of the Time for Love offices and out into the chilly midday air. With my head ducked low, I started walking towards the small house I rented in a quiet residential neighborhood in the older part of Pilgrim. It wasn’t much, just a small two bedroom ranch house that was barely big enough for me, but it was mine.
As long as I paid the rent.
I bumped into something, but a moment later I realized it was a someone. I really tall and wide someone, who smelled really good. “Excuse me.” I sidestepped the man with the large black boots and attempted to go around him but his steps matched mine as I went left and then right. “What the hell, man? Of course,” I groaned when I looked up and right into Xander’s deep blue eyes.
“Going somewhere?” The corners of his mouth lifted into a playful grin that was both maddening and irresistible.
“Yeah, somewhere else.” I tried to go around him again, but again he played the little dance game. “Xander, what’s your problem?”
“You, Mara. You are my problem and you refuse to even speak to me. Like we’re perfect fucking strangers.” He folded his arms, the playfulness of a moment before replaced with genuine anger.
“As far as I’m concerned, we are strangers Xander. We knew each other a lifetime ago, and that was enough for me.”
“Well it’s not enough for me,” he growled and rolled his eyes.
I pointed at him and rolled my eyes right back. “That sounds like a personal problem.”
“Not in this small town, it’s not. I don’t want you shooting daggers at me every time I walk into Bread Box.”
“Then maybe you ought to stop trying to force me to talk to you and just act like a typical customer. Just a customer.” If he didn’t insist on making a nuisance of himself, I wouldn’t have to relive the past.
“But I’m not a typical customer, am I?”
“Yes! Yes you are!” I shoved at his chest with all of my might, angry and frustrated that he wouldn’t let this go. “What more do you want from me? I gave you my chance at a real life and you were all too happy to take it and run without a look backwards. So, if you don’t mind, just leave me the hell alone! Please.”
Xander stood his ground, because of course he did. He had more than a foot on me and I refused to do another little dance just to give him more time to screw with me. “What does that mean?”
“Like you don’t know,” I snarled and shook my head. “Are we done?”
“For now,” he said with a firm nod and stepped aside, giving me plenty of room to get away.
No, to run away, as fast as I could, eager to get home where I could cry in peace. And I hated myself for crying over Xander, especially after all this time. He didn’t deserve my tears, not even one of them, and that thought was enough to dry my eyes.