Curvy Valentine Match

Joss stared at me for a long, uncomfortable moment, her blue eyes studying me carefully. “This isn’t just about one bad relationship. Is it?” Her eyes widened. “Oh. Was it an abusive relationship?” She whispered that last question.

“No,” I sighed and took a long fortifying sip of margarita before I turned my gaze on the woman I considered my best friend. “It wasn’t anything like that. It was, teenage love. Really intense teenage love that went bad.”

“Is he…dead?”

“No, Joss.”

“Well don’t keep me in suspense. I’ve been a very good friend, not prying when you obviously don’t’ want to share the details of your life, but good god woman, the suspense is killing me!”

I laughed at her dramatics even though I didn’t feel particularly humorous. Joss was right, I was horrible at sharing the details of my life with anyone, even though there was only just one small part of it that truly made me feel ashamed.

“I spent a couple of years in Tulip with a really kind foster mother. I went to high school with Jase, actually.”

“What? No way! You never said.” That look of hurt in her eyes was exactly why I didn’t share.

“I’m not proud of that time in my life. It’s where I fell in love. It’s where I got in trouble, over a boy, and became totally disillusioned about love and relationships.” It wasn’t the getting in trouble that had hurt, it was what had prompted it, but I wasn’t ready to talk about all that. Not yet.

Joss placed a sympathetic hand on top of mine and sighed. “I’m sorry you got your heart broken, Mara.”

“It’s all right. I spent a couple years in juvie because of it and I’m not eager to revisit dating again.”

“Wow.” Joss let out a loud whistle and shook her head in disbelief. “You really do keep everything close to the vest, don’t you?”

She seemed more relieved than upset, and I relaxed a little. “It’s not something I go around broadcasting Joss, for obvious reasons. It’s humiliating.”

“First of all, it’s juvie, which means it’s not on your record, and you were just a kid. There’s nothing to be ashamed of Mara. Your brain wasn’t fully formed and you weren’t capable of making good decisions yet.”

“Bull. I was more than capable, but I foolishly thought I was in love, and I was. But he wasn’t.” That was the part that hurt the most, to know I took responsibility for everything and Xander just left me behind. Forgot me completely. “And you’re wrong. I was old enough, and the state considered the crime serious enough that it does show up on my record.” It’s why I’d eagerly accepted the job at Bread Box, and why I would probably never work anywhere else.

“That’s awful, but you’ve made a life for yourself, Mara. You have a job and friends and a home. You’ve made a good life for yourself and you should be proud of that.”

“But?” I could hear a ‘but’ coming from a mile away.

Joss laughed. “But maybe giving up on love and relationships after one failed one, isn’t the right way to go. It gives that guy too much power.”

“I understand, but it’s not about his power over me. It’s about learning a lesson and not repeating past mistakes.” Xander had no power over me, he was just a reminder that you couldn’t always take people at their words. Only their actions.

“Or maybe you can just learn from that mistake?”

I shook my head. “I have learned. Over and over. When my dad died and my mother abandoned me, I learned. I learned in multiple, crappy foster homes too. And I learned it one last time the summer before I turned sixteen. Relationships are not my jam, that’s all.” That was an understatement.

“Sheesh,” she shook her head with a worried smile. “And I was about to tell you it couldn’t have been that bad.”

“It was worse,” I assured her. “But I’m happy for you Joss, and it’s not like I don’t believe in love or anything like that. I do, I just don’t want any part of it.”

“But I love you, and I’m pretty sure you love me.”

It was true. “And it took me this long to tell you about my life.”

Joss nodded and accepted the truth of that statement. “Okay, I’ll drop it. For now. It’s just, dammit Mara, I really hate the idea of you opting out of love when you have so much of it to give. The way you are with Lonnie is a prime example.”

“Lonnie is a kid who needs a little guidance even though she’s determined not to take it.” Speaking of Lonnie, I had another question for Joss since she worked at the high school. “You know Kyle Jacobs?”

She rolled her blue eyes skyward. “Yep. He’s from a good family, one of the wealthier families in town. He could be a good kid, but his parents and most of the teachers make sure he never faces the consequences of his actions.”