I find it at the bottom.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
I hate that I can’t be here with you, but I’m counting down the days until I’ll be back, and once I am… well, I told you I wouldn’t make any promises, but I can tell you that you won’t need that vibrator anymore. Until then, I’ve included the perfect self-care kit. Warming gel, a vibrator, and of course, a picture of me. Feel free to use as necessary. I hope you like the ring. I figured the best way to celebrate a day about love is by thanking you for the love you’ve given me—our son. I told you once I never imagined ever having a family, but now, all I can think about is getting back to mine. Yes, mine. Because for the rest of our lives, you, RJ, and me are a family. I love you, Micaela.
Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.
Xo Ryan
PS. Feel free to text me if you need any more visuals ;)
When March came around, I didn’t expect a gift since there were no birthdays or holidays. So I was beyond shocked when I opened the door to find the same delivery kid standing there holding a box.
“Another one?” I ask, taking the box from him.
“Yep,” he says with a smile.
“Wait here.” I run to my purse and grab a twenty to tip him. “Thank you.” I hand him the bill. “Hopefully this is the last time since Ryan will be home at the end of next month.”
The kid doesn’t confirm or deny, just smiles and thanks me.
As I close the door, eyeing the package, it hits me. Ryan will be home next month. We’ve almost made it. Then another thought occurs, this one morbid. What if Ryan has another box waiting to be delivered in case something happens to him? I shake the thought off and go upstairs to open my package, unsure of the reason for it.
Inside the box are two envelopes. One reads: open me first, so I do. It’s a letter.
Happy Anniversary!
I know… I know… technically we don’t have an anniversary since we’re not together, but this week is one year since you stumbled into the beach house, and my heart, for the first time, felt like it found its home. Growing up I knew I was adopted. My parents were always honest about it. But I never felt like I was adopted. My parents and sisters loved me like I was their own flesh and blood, but as I got older I felt different. I would see them with each other and I craved the connection and contentment they found in one another.
So, fresh out of high school, I married my best friend. She needed me and I was hoping to feel the connection my parents feel when they’re together. Only, I didn’t feel it at all. Not an ounce of what they felt. For a long time I thought, even though my parents told me blood doesn’t mean anything, maybe they were wrong. Maybe what I felt was genetic. My biological parents clearly had trouble connecting with others. From what I was told, their relationship was toxic and they had no idea how to even begin to love their own child.
I was afraid I was like them, and the thought scared me so much I spent as much time as possible away from home. The more I was away, the less chance I had to fuck it all up. I used the military as my escape. I was searching for something that, at the time, I didn’t know wasn’t out there. Eventually Laura had enough and asked for a divorce. She deserved more than what I was able to give her, so I gave it to her, and then I took off on another deployment, and then another.
It wasn’t until you walked through the door that night, I finally realized what I was searching for couldn’t be found because what I was searching for all along was you. Your heart, your smile, your touch. It’s everything I was searching for but didn’t know how to find. The sucky part was knowing that even though I finally found you, I had to let you go. Walking away from you at the end of our time together was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I did it for you. Because I knew, even though you were everything I needed, I couldn’t be who you needed.
Of course fate was on my side, and nine months later I found out you were carrying my baby. It confirmed what I already knew. You’re mine. Go ahead and open the other envelope now. I can’t make any promises, but… well, just open it.
Miss you and RJ.
Xo Ryan
I open the other envelope to find a one-week cruise for two for July inside. It stops at several islands and all the off-shore excursions have been booked. According to the itinerary we’ll be spending four days snorkeling, scuba diving, and touring the different islands. It’s a dream vacation for anyone who loves the ocean, which is why he bought it.