My Kind of Love (Finding Love 1)

My heart, that felt like it was finally healing, is now being shattered all over again, and I’m not sure if it will be possible for it to ever be put back together again.

I glance down at my ring, and Ryan steps toward me, snatching my hand. “No, don’t do this,” he commands. He takes my chin between his fingers and tilts my face to look at him. “Please don’t fucking do this.”

“I have to,” I choke out, peeling my hand out of his. I remove the ring from my finger and place it into his palm, closing his fingers around it. “When we were at the beach house, you told me to follow my dreams.”

I go to my purse and grab the letter from the University. “My dreams are in San Diego. I pushed them aside while we were living in our bubble, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t give up my dreams, so I can watch as you risk your life while you follow yours.”

I hand him the letter, but I don’t wait for him to read it. Instead, I go to my room to pack a bag, then go to RJ’s room to pack him one. I know I’m being a coward and running, but I can’t stay here, knowing we can’t be together.

“Don’t do this,” he begs, joining me in RJ’s room. “We can figure it out together.” His voice is gruff, filled with emotion, and I’m afraid to look at him. If he’s crying, I don’t know what I’ll do.

“Figure what out?” I shove RJ’s clothes into the luggage. “I’ve always wanted to live on the beach, study the ocean and marine life. Your job is here, working for the military. Going overseas and risking your life.”

“Where are you going?” he asks, grabbing my bicep to stop me.

“To my parents’.”

Ryan entwines his fingers in my hair and tilts my face up to look at him. “This isn’t over. I’m letting you go for now because I don’t want to fight with you, especially not in front of our son. But we’re going to figure this out. I’m not letting either of you go.”

He crushes his mouth to mine. He doesn’t use his tongue, but his lips linger on mine, like he’s needing to drink me in, get his fill because there’s a chance it might be the last time we ever kiss. The thought devastates me.

“This isn’t over,” he murmurs against my lips. “We’re not over.”

Micaela

“We can go with you,” Mom offers, as I pack a small bag for RJ and me. I’ve been staying with them for a few days, and I’ve spent most of the time crying. But not anymore. I meant what I said to Ryan. I have dreams, a future, and I need to follow it. He’s the reason why I have them. He helped me heal last year, and when I returned home, I applied to San Diego and Scripps, determined to keep taking one step in front of the other. And I can’t push my future and dreams aside, so I can stay here in Vegas while he keeps following his dreams. I need to be near the beach to do what I want. Vegas has no beach, no ocean.

But it does have Ryan…

No, not going there. I’ve already lost one husband. I’m not about to lose another.

“And I appreciate it,” I tell her, zipping the bag up. “But this is something I need to do on my own. I’ll be the one moving to San Diego.”

She sighs in acceptance. “Okay, fine, but we’re only a phone call and a plane ride away.” I’m planning to drive there once I have everything figured out, since I’ll need my vehicle, but since this is just a quick trip to meet with the admissions office and take a look at the apartments near campus, we’re flying there.

“I know, and I love you for that.” I kiss her cheek and smile wide, trying like hell to remain strong and not cry again.

She frowns, knowing me too well. “You know, Ryan—”

“Nope, can’t go there,” I say, lifting RJ from his crib. My parents setting up a nursery for when RJ comes over worked in my favor when I ran the other night. They already had everything here, so I only had to take my stuff. I’m assuming Ryan’s back at work this week, like he mentioned. I’ve taken a few walks around the neighborhood and his truck wasn’t there. He’s texted a few times asking how I’m doing and asking to see pictures of RJ, but he hasn’t brought us up. I guess he’s accepted we can’t be together, which is probably for the best—even if there’s a small—okay, large—part of me that was hoping he would at least try. Which is unfair of me to want, when I know in order for both of us to follow our dreams we can’t be together. Eventually, we’re going to have to sit down and figure out how to co-parent, since we’ll be living close to five hours away from each other, but right now, I can’t do it. I just need to take one step at a time, and at the moment, that step is going to San Diego to figure out my school and living situation.