She didn’t look it.
She started searching the dance floor. “A lot of my friends come here. It’s an underground club.”
I had gathered.
She kept going, “I’m a big band junkie and these guys are one of my favorites.”
“What’s their name?”
“Do Cocktails.”
“Nice name.”
“Yeah.” She flashed me a grin. Her eyes were glazed over and the smile was sloppy. I wondered if she’d been doing more than drinking, but I didn’t ask. It wasn’t my business and it wasn’t my place to judge. A yawn came over her and she fought it off before leaning closer. “Listen, you want to leave? I’ll call a cab for us.”
“What about your cousin?”
She shrugged. “She’s with that guy. Don’t worry. She’s been with him before.”
With him before? Duly noted. I nodded. “Okay. Sure.”
She pulled out her phone. After she called for the cab, she yelled again, “It’ll be about twenty minutes.”
“They know this place?”
“Oh yeah. All the cab companies do. Sometimes they don’t even charge, but we’ll get charged tonight.”
“Why’s that?”
She gestured to me. “Because of you.”
Me? I looked down. Why me?
“You look rich.”
“I do?” I only wore jeans and a gray shirt. There wasn’t anything special about my outfit and I never wore make-up.
“Yep. You might think you’re being simple, but I can tell you’ve got money.” When she saw that I was dumbfounded, she waved it away. “Don’t worry. Kara and Tiffany are like that too. They try to look like that, though. You just exude it or whatever.”
I wasn’t sure how to take that. I didn’t want to be like either of them.
Beth’s phone lit up and she hopped off the stool. “Come on, cab’s here. That was a lot quicker than I thought.”
She led the way, weaving through the crowd. When we neared the door, I saw her cousin not far. She was being pressed against the wall by a different guy. His tongue was inside her mouth and his hand was underneath her bra.
I tapped Beth on the shoulder and pointed. “It’s a new guy and your cousin lost her shirt.”
She grinned, not the reaction I was expecting. We both watched as the guy started to undo her jeans and slide them down.
My eyes bulged out. They were going to have sex, right there, in front of everyone. My hand wrapped around Beth’s arm. “Stop them.”
“Why?” She shrugged. “That’s why she came.”
From a different tone in her voice, I edged back a step and gave her another more measuring look. “Is that why you came here?”
She could’ve gotten mad. She didn’t. Another jerk of the shoulder as she mused, sounding bored, “I don’t do it in public. Hannah doesn’t give a shit. She will in a few months, but she doesn’t care right now.”
Trips to Club T took on a whole other feel to me now. Why did Kara want me to be friends with them again?
“Come on.” Beth tugged me out the door.
A cab was waiting for us and she darted into the back door as another group started towards it as well. They stopped, but moved closer again when she left the door open. Her head popped out and she shouted at me, “I’m sharing with her.” She pointed at me. “Not you guys.”
“Oh,” one of the guys groaned, but their entire group stopped.
As I hurried past them and climbed inside, the cab started forward. It was cold in contrast to the club that had been overheated with human bodies. Beth started to shiver and the cab filled with the smell of sweat quickly dissipating. I looked at the sweater in my bag, but I didn’t offer it to her.
As her teeth began chattering, she looked at me. “Don’t start doing that.”
I looked over, but I didn’t ask what she meant. I knew what she meant.
“Don’t start judging us.” She said it for me. Wrapping her arms around herself, she started to shake. “I know what you’re thinking, that we’re some sluts or something. We’re not. You don’t know why we do that, or even what we’re doing.”
She was right. As she said that, in the back of our cab, a deep loneliness filtered inside of me. People judged me. They became scared of me because a part of me died after that letter. That damn letter.
My phone buzzed at that moment. It was a text from Jesse.
U at ur room? Sorry, took longer than I thought. Can I come over? Cord told me how to sneak in back.
I responded. Yes, will be there in twenty minutes.
K.
A shiver went through me, but it wasn’t from the coldness, or even the loneliness. I was sitting in the back of this cab, with someone I didn’t know, and I’d been scolded. I wasn’t a judgmental person, but I had been with her. I had been with her cousin. She was right. What they did was none of my business. It wasn’t until I grew to know them and understand their situations. Then it would come from caring and I didn’t care about them.
I held my phone tightly. I couldn’t let it go.
Someone that I thought had stopped caring still did. I was going to see him soon and like Beth’s sentiment, I hoped he didn’t judge me. He would learn, at some point, that my parents had abandoned me. They lost their son and I was no longer good enough for them. Instead of forgiving me and taking me as is they chose the decision to start a new life. There was no room for me in their new life.
I drew in a breath. Pain blasted me, tightening my chest.
I didn’t know what I would do if Jesse saw the same defect in me as my parents did, if he walked away as they had.
I sent a furtive look beside me. For some reason, the cab wasn’t as lonely as before.
I hadn’t been in my room long when I heard his knock.
A rush went through me. He was here. He was on the other side of the door. As I opened it, he ducked inside. There were rules against having boys in our rooms, but I didn’t care. Not at that moment, not as I was drinking him in.
Jesse flashed me a grin as he ran a hand through his hair.
I murmured, “You got it cut again.”
“Hmm, yeah.” He grimaced. “I was tired of the faux hawk. Told the girl to buzz it as close as she could before I’d go bald.”
“You look good.” And he did. It was a military-style haircut, but with his dark coloring and dark eyes, it made him leaner. But no. I chewed on my lip as I looked him up and down. He was leaner. Cord hadn’t been the only one working out. Jesse had muscles showing in places he hadn’t a year ago. Even as his wrist twitched, a small muscle stood out on his arm, one that I never would’ve known was there before now. His shoulders were more compact and his waist was trimmer.
He looked really good. I licked my lips. Damn good.