Deadshifted (Edie Spence 4)

“It didn’t look like it up there, to me. ” I pointed in the direction of the decks above us.

“I’m sorry. I never should have done that, not without talking to you first, at least. That was a huge mistake. ” He seemed earnest as he said it, but he also looked confused. “But what’s gotten into you?”

“Um. You did? A couple of weeks ago. ” I tried to sound lighthearted. I hadn’t sat around and thought about how this conversation would go, but even if I had, this wouldn’t have been how I pictured it. His face was still blank. I sat down on the bed. “For someone who has at least one doctor’s worth of knowledge inside him, you are very very dense. ”

He frowned, and then realization slowly dawned. “Wait. Are you trying to say you’re pregnant?”

“I don’t know. Are you trying to hear it? I missed a pill. ” I made a face at him, then sighed. “And I don’t know yet. I just know my period is late. ”

His frown deepened, and he raised a querulous eyebrow. “That’s not possible. ”

“Wow. Thanks,” I said, as sarcastically as I could.

“No, Edie. It is literally not possible. Shapeshifter and human DNA don’t mix. Believe me. It’s one of the reasons shapeshifters can be so promiscuous. We’re never in danger of having children with humans. We also don’t get sick. ”

“Well, that knowledge would have saved me a trip to the clinic for an STD check last year. Thanks for letting me know. ”

He looked from my stomach to my eyes. “Do you feel pregnant?”

“I have no idea what being pregnant feels like. How would I know? All I know is that my period should have started, and it didn’t, and—”

“When were you going to tell me?” he jumped in.

I made a helpless gesture. “After I could scam a pregnancy test from somewhere. I was going to go to the medic for one tomorrow morning. I just didn’t want to worry you before I knew anything for sure. ”

“But you think—”

I cut him off. “I don’t know what to think. My uterus isn’t always clockwork. And neither am I. ”

“You should have said something. ”

I made a face at him. Considering what he’d just done without any warning up above—“You are one to talk. ”

He shook his head. “That was different. ”

“Really?” I said, with even more sarcasm than usual.

He relented with a sigh. “Okay, no. Not really. ” He looked again from my stomach to me. “You should have told me sooner, though. The instant—”

“There’s nothing to tell yet,” I interrupted, starting to chew on my bottom lip. “And I’m sorry, but I’ve never done this before. I don’t know the rules for this. I’m making it up as I go along. ”

Was it really impossible? How would I feel about things then? I’d sort of maybe liked to think it was real. If only to get my mom off my back, which as everyone knew was a really good reason to have children.

“You’re sure it’s impossible?” I asked him, hoping-not-hoping for him to be right.

Asher’s brow furrowed in contemplation. “A year ago, yes. But … I’m not as positive as I used to be. Shapeshifters living into their mid-thirties is pretty impossible. Santa Muerte changed me. Maybe she did more than I know. ”

I wrung my hands together in my lap. “Just once, I’d like to know everything for sure, you know?”

Asher snorted softly. “Me too. ”

There was a long pause between us during which I wished he’d magically say the right thing, while at the same time knowing wishing that was epically unfair. “Is it okay?” I asked, my voice small.

He looked surprised. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be? Unless you don’t want it. Then—” He made a mysterious gesture in the air.

I twisted my lips to one side. “So you’re ambivalent about it, is what you’re saying?”

“I’ve had less than five minutes to think about it. It’s still a maybe. What more do you want from me?”

If he’d said that with the wrong tone, I might have lost it. I’d had a very, very long day. But he was earnestly asking what else, if anything, he could do, and I was wise enough to know he meant it.

“Let’s figure it out for sure tomorrow. And then we can celebrate, or celebrate, depending,” I said. “It would be celebrating, right? And don’t say what I want to hear because you know already. That’ll just piss me off. ”

Asher looked as stunned as I’d been feeling for the past fourteen or so hours. “I never thought I would ever be a dad. I never wanted to be one. After my dad leaving us … I couldn’t ever imagine bringing a kid into the world. ”

It felt like a lead fishing weight was dropping down my throat while he talked.