Sterling (Carolina Reapers 6)

Caspian moved, his brow furrowed, that muscle in his jaw popping—

And I stepped between him and Jansen on instinct. Even Maxim had a hand on Caz’s arm, holding him back

“Stop,” I demanded, my body trembling with unleashed hurt and anger. I looked up at my brother. “I decide who to be with. And if I decide I want to be with the entire defense roster, then that’s my fucking choice.”

Caz stepped back like I’d struck him.

I moved my gaze to Maxim, softening just a bit. “Maxim, I didn’t know. But it wouldn’t have made a difference. I value our friendship so much, and I promise I never meant to lead you on…if I did. I honestly didn’t have a clue. But I love—” I cut my words short, pain lashing through the center of me. I thought what Jansen and I had was love.

I’d been an idiot.

“If it was so real, then why did you hide it?” Maxim asked, fastening his stare on Jansen. “If you weren’t playing her, why not take it public?”

I had asked him not to, but I couldn’t voice the words. My heart was too busy shattering.

“London,” Jansen’s voice sounded from behind me, and I felt him reaching for me. I stepped out of his reach.

Backed away from all three of them.

“Sis,” Caz pled. “You need to hear me out. Hear Maxim—”

“No,” I cut him off, my heart ripping to shreds as I continued backing away from the three most important men in my life. “Fuck you all.”

I spun on my heels and didn’t look back.

“You know,” I said, my words sizzling with fire. “Maybe I should just act like them.” I accentuated the word, and Savannah’s mouth turned down at the corners. I gripped the drink in my hand a little harder, leaning against the bar at Scythe. “Just pursue people, no strings, just sex. No falling in love.”

“Oh, honey,” Savannah said, smoothing her hand over my back.

Echo, the owner and bartender, whistled and poured me another drink.

I thanked her and threw back the contents, allowing the sweet burn of bourbon to eat away the pain in my chest.

“Do you really believe that he was with you just to take you away from Maxim?” Savannah asked, sipping her own drink.

The chatter and music of the bar filled the background, and combined with the drinks, made my head feel a blissful kind of numb.

“I don’t know what to think,” I admitted. “I can see it, everything Maxim said. I had no idea he wanted to date me, but let’s be real. I’ve known him for two years. If he wanted me, he would’ve made a move. He saw that Jansen wanted me and then decided to try.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “And I know how deep the pain runs for Jansen regarding his biological family. It’s a lifelong wound.” I shook my head. “A hatred like that can make people do stupid, hurtful things.”

Like choose a girl based solely on revenge purposes, and make her fall head over heels in love with you.

Because even as I wanted to strangle him for what he’d done, it didn’t erase the immense love I had for him in my heart. I would always love Jansen. I just didn’t like him very much right now.

“What a mess, babe,” Savannah said, shaking her head. “Sounds like there is a lot more to it than we know.”

I nodded, not able to argue with her about that. But it didn’t change the fact that I now had no clue if any of it had been real for Jansen.

The searing kisses.

The tender discussions.

The playful banter.

Maybe it was all my fault—I’d asked him to kiss me the first time as a distraction from my own panic. What kind of fucked up start is that? Maybe I deserved this…this crushing feeling sinking onto my chest.

“It’s fine,” I said, waving off the negative energy. “Like I said, I’ll just be like them. Sleep around, no strings, live my life.”

Savannah flashed me a pitying look but let me have my anger-fantasy.

“Maybe I’ll sleep with the next man who walks through that door,” I boldly declared—despite having no real intention of following through—as I glanced at the entrance to Scythe.

Savannah followed my line of sight as we waited.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I grumbled when Maxim walked through the door. “Okay, the next guy—”

Caspian.

I resisted the urge to puke and turned back in my seat. “Never mind. I give up.”

“Incoming,” Savannah muttered under her breath. She raised a brow at me. “Want me to stop him?”

I didn’t know which him she was referring to, but I knew without a doubt if I told her yes then she’d shut down whichever man was attempting to speak to me.

I loved her so damn much.

“It’s okay,” I said, spinning on my barstool. Caspian stood there, an apologetic look on his face.