"How's it going?" Nell collapsed into the chair opposite my desk, face still pale and shadows beneath her eyes. She looked only marginally better than the other day.
"I'm slowly beating the accounts into submission. Should you be home in bed?"
"Probably." She cracked the lid on a bottle of apple juice and gulped some down, then set it on the table. "I'm heading home soon."
"Good." And here came the nervy part. "Nell..."
"Yeah?"
I rubbed the tip of my tongue over my teeth, trying to think of the best way to say what I needed to say. Fear and excitement stirred inside of me, speeding my heart and making my hands shake. No matter how I tried to calm myself. "Not to sound like some psycho corporate spy out to infiltrate you."
She raised her brows in question.
"But while I was going over the figures, I went over the figures."
With a groan, she shook her head. "I'm tired, Lydia. What do you want to say?"
I sat forward, hiding my trembling hands beneath the table. "Last night, Eric offered me a month's trial managing the restaurant floor section. I trust you're in agreement about that?"
"Of course."
"And Pat still wants to sell his third of the business?"
Her lips tightened, pain flitting across her face before being determinedly smoothed away. "Very much so."
"Okay."
"Lydia, tell me you're saying what I think you're saying."
"I'd like to do the month's trial with a view to purchasing Pat's share of the business at the end of that time, if we're all in agreement that we can work together long-term."
Nell's smile was beatific. "You do?"
"Yes. I know this probably seems sudden, but the idea has been growing in the back of my mind for the last few days. Which still sounds sudden."
She said nothing.
"Anyway, I want to do something I like for a change, sell products I believe in, and I think the Dive Bar could be that opportunity for me." I didn't know what to do with myself. Jump around the room or hide in a corner. Both were viable options. "I realize it's a lot of money, a big commitment, but this feels right to me. I think I'd regret it if I didn't give it a try."
"But you definitely have the money?"
"I will in a couple of days, yes."
Curiosity lit her eyes. "A couple of days?"
"Between you and me?"
"Of course." No hesitation. One of my favorite qualities about Nell was her plainspokenness.
"I have a legal settlement coming through from the Delaneys."
"Okay," said Nell. "It is a bit sudden, but you saw the figures. You've worked here, you've seen how much local people like the place. We're not relying on seasonal trade to the same degree as others. This is going to be awesome."
"I hope so." I tried to bite back a smile; it didn't quite work.
"I know so." Nell's gaze dropped to her lap, fingers fidgeting. "In the interest of full disclosure ... I have some news to tell you. No one else knows about this just yet as I only found out this morning. So I'd appreciate you keeping it to yourself for now."
"Of course."
"I'm pregnant."
My mouth hung open, my eyes feeling bigger than the moon.
"That was pretty much my reaction too." She gave me a grim smile. "It's Eric's. So, yeah. Not exactly planned. Not even remotely."
"Congratulations?" I asked quietly.
Her smile improved. "Thank you. I always wanted kids. I thought they'd be with Pat, but things change, right?"
"Right. And I think you'll make a great mom. No one will dare mess with your kid."
"I do know how to throw knives," she said. "The benefit to knowing this early is we can plan how to handle things business-wise. I don't expect to take too much time off and Boyd can run the kitchen almost as well as me. We'll get another cook trained up along with an assistant. That way I can be back after the baby on reduced hours. It also lets Boyd go to more sci-fi conventions. So it'll work out for everyone."
"Okay."
"Please don't let this scare you off. I swear it won't impact in any big or bad ways on the rest of the business."
I pondered it for a minute. "The fact is, each of us will go through periods when we need to pull back a little, focus on other things. That's life."
"Yeah."
"How are you feeling?" I asked.
"Terrified. Excited. More terrified."
"Me too. And I'm not even having a baby."
Nell picked up her juice again, picking at the label. "I'm really glad you're staying. I lost a lot of my friends in the divorce, so it's good to make some new ones. I know they say not to go into business with friends. But honestly, if you're going to work that closely with people, trust them with your money and your name, I'd rather have friends. The thing is, they need to be friends that you can talk to. Complete honesty."
"I agree." I straightened my shoulders, putting on my brave face.
"If you need somewhere to store your things, there's plenty of empty space upstairs. Also, my apartment has a spare room," she said. "I'm not saying we should be permanent roommates. But you're more than welcome to come stay with me for a few months, until you get something else sorted out. If it winds up being needed."
"If?"
"Vaughan's never been like this about a girl before. All over everything to do with you, making sure things are cool and you'll be treated right. I know you've had a fight or two, but he never even stuck around for those before." Her smile was way too hopeful. "Usually women were just temporary, easy. This thing with you ... it's nice."
Oh shit. "Nell, I really like your brother. I'm sure that's beyond obvious. But hasn't he told you about this Henning Peters guy and the great opportunity with the record companies and everything?"
"I think he felt weird about the fight and then I was sick. Honestly, we haven't spoken that much," she said. "He's going to work with Henning Peters?"
"Yes."
"Wow. That's huge."
"Yes, it is. I'm a distraction, Nell," I admitted, staring at my hands. Except only cowards did things like that. I raised my face again. "That's the reality of your brother and me."
She just looked at me.
"You're right about this place, your parents' house. Past issues bother him, make it hard to be here. I can only say that because I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know." Unlike the sale of the house. That was his news to share. Oops about the Henning Peters thing.
"I'm sorry," Nell said.
"It is what it is. We're friends." I swallowed hard, doing my best to keep my cool. "Thank you for offering to let me stay, to store my things here."
"Of course."
We both tried to smile. I think hers was better than mine.
Screw men and their devil penises. I had a future to plan.
There were bound to be problems with me coming into the business. For instance, Eric treating the place like his woo palace. Though Rosie had confided the other day, he'd cut a lot of that out since Nell's meltdown at him. He'd barely even bothered hitting on me. Still, I'd be watching. Also, how Eric took the news of his upcoming fatherhood could be vital. If he and Nell were able to continue to maintain a functioning relationship for the business's sake.
But I had a month to settle in, to listen and learn. To see if I could make a go of this. I wanted to be a part of the Dive Bar, to stay in Coeur d'Alene. I had a lot to contribute and, for whatever reason, being here felt right. If it didn't work out, however, I could always make a Plan B.
Chris had derailed me. Hurt my heart and shaken my pride. He'd also, however, shown me the error of my ways. The stupidity of me blindly scrambling, trying to make up for my crap childhood by replacing it with a bigger shinier house and family. Those things as I knew them were just props.
It might sound all Oprah, but my happiness needed to come from me. I knew that now.
I could build my own home, make a future for myself. Not rely on someone else to come
along and magically make me feel like I had worth, as if I belonged. I could be strong on my own.
As a by-product of their bastardry, Chris and company had made me grow up and taught me some important life lessons. With my payout from the Delaneys for never suing for emotional or other damages, and refraining from ever telling my story to the press (their fear of Brett Chen being of significant worth), I'd be implementing what I'd learned.
Ironic, really. I might even thank my ex-fiance one of these days.
Doubt it, though.
*
Nell needed the office. I left the bookwork and helped Rosie and Masa finish up for the night. Loading the industrial dishwashers, cleaning the tables, mopping the floor, those sorts of things. Mostly any job allowing me to keep a keen eye on the back hallway. Who knew, the mother-to-be might well need emotional backup. It was a tense, high-drama situation. Given my own recent brush with forgotten prophylactics, I felt for her big-time.
Nell asked Eric to join her in the back office. Not a big deal. No one paid any attention. Yet. The owners (with the exception of Pat) had occasional closed-door meetings. Like his brother earlier, he never reappeared. Given he'd doubtless just received news of his impending fatherhood, I'd have used the back exit too.
Vaughan went in next. Two minutes later, he came storming back out, red of face and furious. "Where is he?"