Dirty (Dive Bar 1)

"Know you weren't keen on me selling the house. But with the extra money, I can afford to fly back sometimes. Visit more often," he said, voice soft.

"I'd like that." The joy in Nell's voice spoke for itself.

The siblings held hands. I looked away, it was a private moment. His promises to visit had nothing to do with me. I'd just have to suck it up. And it was a good thing he'd be around more for his sister; Nell would need all the support she could get.

Mal, however, kept watching the siblings, eyes thoughtful. Any trace of his particular brand of crazy appeared to have disappeared for the time being.

"The Closed sign's up, door's locked," said Joe, joining us.

Andre followed close behind. "Hello, everyone."

"Hi." I smiled. Behind us, the restaurant had emptied, all of the lights were dimmed. Cool acoustic songs by a variety of bands played over the sound system. I liked how they kept the music going even after closing. "Time for me to get back to work."

"Stay put," ordered Nell. "Masa and Boyd and the new kitchen kid have got it covered. We're having a small surprise going-away party for my brother. Since he's about as good at goodbyes as he is with letting us know he's in town in the first place."

"I was going to call you that day," said Vaughan.

"Yeah, yeah."

The big blond bear went back behind the bar, taking a dusty bottle off the very top shelf. "Eric said never to touch this one. So we'll start with it."

"Excellent. Have to admit, your brother has fine taste in scotch..." Andre inclined his head toward Nell, the smallest of smiles in place. "And women."

"Don't." She threw a balled-up paper napkin at him.

"Ah, speaking of," said Andre, gaze switching to Vaughan. "Pat said he'd catch you later. He's taken his motorcycle and headed up into the wilds of Canada for a week or two to get his head together."

Vaughan nodded. But said nothing.

Andre frowned, looking Nell's way.

A muscle jumped in Nell's jaw. "If you've got something to say, Andre, do me a favor and just say it."

Tonight, Andre wore a particularly cool plaid button-down shirt, hair slicked back. He stopped, focus entirely on Nell. His eyes softened, face not unkind. "Baby girl, you fucked up not fixing your marriage. Pat fucked up giving up on you too easy. Hell, Eric fucked up ever going near you, knowing what the situation was between you two. You know all of this. But if you think for a minute that I don't love you and haven't got your back, then you're crazy. I'll babysit and change shitty diapers if I have to and I fully expect to be godfather, understood?"

Nell hurriedly looked away, sucking in her cheeks. Trying to hold back tears, I'd guess. After waiting a second or two, Andre strode over, throwing his arms around her. The way she clung to him couldn't have failed to move anyone. That kind of unwavering love and support was what I wanted. It was why I was staying here. That's what Vaughan was giving up by yet again leaving. And the longing, the naked emotion on his face showed he knew it, how couldn't he?

It was the price he paid to follow his dream.

My dream wasn't as grand as stardom on the stage. I didn't want to be a rock-and-roll icon. I wanted home and community, a job where I could excel and financially build a future for myself. Sure, if a fairy godmother came along and bonked me on the head with her wand, giving me instant glamour and success as a plus-size model, I'd deal. It would be fun, but it wasn't what my heart yearned for.

"I'm not changing shitty diapers, tell you that much," Mal announced.

"Amen." Joe raised his glass of scotch and they toasted to the sentiment.

"Pussies," I said.

"How are all of the Stage Dive babies doing?" asked Vaughan, accepting his own glass of scotch off Joe.

You had to give it to the guy, Malcolm Ericson did an amazing impression of someone slowly choking to death. By the time his head thunked down on top of the bar, I almost clapped.

"That well, huh?"

Mal groaned. "V-man, if I have to look at one more too cute baby video I'm going to, shit, I'm going to lose it. I just can't take it anymore. I mean, congratulations to them. Their boys can swim. But I don't need to see every fucking thing the fruit of their loins does, you know?"

He stopped to drain the last third of his beer, handing the glass back across the bar for a refill. "I told Pumpkin straight out. I said, my sperm is not to be used for these purposes for quite some years, thank you very much."

"How'd she take it?" I asked.

"She laughed at me." Mal frowned. "Sometimes, I wonder if I'm really in charge at all."

"That's the problem with settling down," said Vaughan, arms crossed over his chest. "She's got the pussy. You want it. Might as well just say goodbye to being your own boss."

"That's your view of relationships?" I tipped my head. A fresh angle achieved nothing, however. He remained a puzzle I could never solve. One that sadly made my heart beat double time. "Seriously?"

"This should be good," said Joe, staring into his drink.

Some snickering from Mal.

Oh good. We had everyone's attention. Andre stood beside Nell, an arm wrapped around her waist. Vaughan had assumed the old blank face. Eyes open and guileless, arms hanging loose at his sides. And yeah, no. We didn't need to do this. I didn't need to know.

I smiled, shook my head. "Forget I said that. A toast!"

Everyone held up their glasses apart from Vaughan. I avoided his gaze, getting on with my life--accepting situations I couldn't change, fighting the inevitable wasted valuable time and energy.

"To Vaughan," I announced, holding my soda and lime high. I wasn't afraid to meet his perfect blue eyes. Not now. Time to pull my big girl panties up and move on. "Safe travels and musical glory. I hope all of your dreams come true."

Compliments and similar wishes were spoken. Drinks were drunk.

"You're not going with him?" asked Mal, voice subdued as conversations continued around us.

"No. We've only known each other a week. It's not ... and I'm hoping to become a bigger part of things in the Dive Bar." My smile felt staged for some reason. Not that I was lying. "I like it here."

He tipped his chin and said no more. The understanding in his eyes, I didn't like it. Shit, I barely knew the man. I could really do without parading my dumbass heart in front of international rock stars.

"Do you spend much time in Coeur d'Alene?" I asked, eager to change the topic of conversation.

Mal smiled. "Yeah, I've got family here. Bought a place on the lake. You should come over sometime. Meet Pumpkin. I think you two would get along and it'd be good for her to know some people in town. We're spending a bit more time here these days."

"Thank you," I said, eyes wide in surprise. "I'd like that."

"In fact, all of you losers should come visit," he announced more loudly. "Stay the night, bring instruments, I'll organize the eats and drinks. Ben's coming out with Lizzy and Gibson tomorrow. I think Davie and Ev were thinking about visiting too. It'll be fun."

"Won't that be a lot of people?" asked Nell.

"Nelly, the house is big. Like, a bajillion bedrooms or something. No way was I taking the chance that someone's screaming baby would wake me in the middle of the night. Visitors go in the other wing, far, far away from me." He waved a hand, indicating one hell of a distance. "Trust me, you'll all fit."

"Christ, your place has wings?" Joe huffed out a breath. "Last time I saw you, y

ou said you were looking at a log cabin on the water. You didn't say anything about it being a castle."

"Hello, I know we haven't hung out much since school. But, um, guys, I'm kind of rich now," said Mal. "It is a log cabin on the water. It's just a very fucking big one."

"This I need to see," said Joe. "Who built it?"

"Fucked if I know. You can climb over the place to your heart's content, Bob the Builder. Check out how it's put together."

"You had to know he'd be back, shoving his money in our faces," said Andre, a sly smile on his face.

"Haha." Mal flipped him the bird. "Oh, hey. Am I still banned from your shop and have you still got your old man's Gretsch kit?"

"It's upstairs in storage, but I could bring it down."

Eyes excited, Mal rubbed his hands together. "Excellent. Is it for sale?"

"Maybe." Andre sipped his scotch. "If I knew it was going to a good home. As for you still being banned, that depends. You going to try and skateboard in my shop again, you fuckface?"

"Harsh, man. I was fifteen! I've matured a lot since then."

"Hmm."

"You'll let me in. We'll talk about your dad's kit later. It'll definitely be going to a loving home." The drummer started beating out a rhythm on his thighs. He seemed to be constantly in movement. I don't think he ever sat still. "But yeah, you should all come out."

"Rad," said Nell. "But I'll do the eats."

"Sold!" Mal slapped his hand on the bar.

Chatter and laughter filled the space, everyone having a good time. Or almost everyone. I nearly didn't notice Vaughan slinking off. Shoulders rounded and head hanging down, he made straight for the men's room. I walked over and hovered outside, waiting for him to come out. Wanting to touch base with him emotionally, I guess.

When he did, he walked straight into me. Guess I was a crap stalker. No subtlety at all. My balance wavered until he grabbed my upper arms, holding me steady.

"Shit. Lydia," he said, little line back between his brows. "You all right?"

"I was going to ask you that."

He set me free, gaze perplexed.

"It's just that the big house on the lake was your dream."

Quietly, he swore, then grabbed my hand and dragged me into the men's bathroom. It'd obviously just been cleaned. The scent of bleach stung my nostrils. Gray tiles and paintwork matched with stainless steel fittings. It was all very neat and tidy. With the exception of a large piece of artwork on the back wall between a couple of urinals and bathroom stalls.