Her mouth opened.
"I mean, Dad's a bit of a downer, but you just ignore him. Grumpy old bastard. I mean, if they ever flicked the switch and sent up nukes, he'd probably be like,"--I lowered my voice--"'about time.'"
"Oh, Eric, I--"
"We should do this. It'll be great. Please?"
"We've already got plans," she said with a wince. "Sorry. Nell already invited us to spend the day with her and Pat. Lydia and Vaughan."
Shit. Too late again.
"She did?"
Jean nodded. "Sorry."
"No worries." I smiled at her so hard my cheeks hurt. "I mean I think it's great that you're getting out and having some fun. Better that than climbing the walls."
"Me too," she said. "This whole mommy business kind of takes over your life, becomes your whole identity. I love Ada. But it'll be good when there's a little room for me to be me too." She paused, frowning a little. "God, she's only a month old. Does that sound completely awful of me?"
"No," I said simply. Honestly, I could hardly get my head around how much of her life Jean had been willing to put on hold. It was almost scary what some people were capable of doing.
The smile she gave me was slow and it spread across her entire face. More beautiful than any dawn I'd ever seen. All I could do was stare dumbstruck at her magnificence.
"Thank you," she said.
I gave myself a little shake. "Hmm? For what?"
"For being you."
"Oh. You're welcome."
Maybe I wouldn't kill Andre. At least, not just yet.
CHAPTER TEN
Lydia and Alex had teamed up to do the Dive Bar's Christmas decorations, spray-painting small tree branches silver and suspending them from the ceiling. Matching paper stars and twinkling lights dangled down among them. We'd gotten a lot of great feedback from customers. It was pretty seasonal-forest spectacular.
"Another jug of the pomegranate martini and two more brandy alexanders," ordered Rosie in her jaunty flashing Santa hat.
"Sure you don't want me to take over?" asked Joe, leaning against the bar.
"No." I shook my head, making my dumbass antlers shake. "Go relax."
Better to stay busy. It kept my mind off how cozy Andre and Jean were looking, chatting over at the long table running down the middle of the room. Generally, Andre was a couple of dates, then move on kind of guy. A few months at most, maybe. Jean deserved ... no, she needed more than to be some momentary distraction. Also, the woman looked damn good. She'd put her long dark hair up in a bun and wore a red sweater dress. Seasonal yet sexy. No matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes on the job, my gaze kept wandering back to her.
I rubbed at my chest with the heel of my palm. "We got any history of heart problems in the family?"
"Don't think so," said Joe.
Weird. I should probably ask Mom.
Meanwhile, Nell was entertaining Ada. We'd pulled a high chair up to one of the tables in the main dining room, and Ada was soaking in the atmosphere, looking wide-eyed at the ceiling decorations. Boyd stayed in the kitchen, keeping the food coming. Socializing wasn't really Boyd's thing and I could relate. Behind my bar, things just felt safer. I knew where I fit in the whole scheme of things, throwing around bottles and shit, keeping my hands busy filling orders. And it wasn't like Jean or Ada needed me. They were both perfectly fine and having a great old time.
I should be happy for them both. Hell, I should be delighted.
"Got it pretty bad for her, huh?" Joe looked over his shoulder, checking out Jean.
"What?" I sputtered, spilling cream on the counter. A quick wipe and all better. "The fuck you talking about?"
"You realize Andre would back off if you just told him you were serious about her." My brother scratched at his beard. "If you are serious about her. Are you?"
I coughed out a harsh laugh. "When the hell have I ever been serious about anyone?"
"Good point," said Joe, leaning in. "So why are you looking so damn miserable?"
"Well, apparently my little brother's turned into the neighborhood gossip or something. It's got me down."
"Fuck off. I'm being serious."
"Me too."
He scowled. "You're a moody little bitch when you're not getting any. You know that?"
"Don't you talk about her that way," I said, getting angry.
His face cracked open on a smile. "Christ, I wasn't even talking about Jean. I meant you in general, knucklehead."
I ignored the idiot and kept on working. Cream, cognac, creme de cacao, and a sprinkle of nutmeg on top. All good. Oh shit, Rosie had said two. I grabbed down for another martini glass.
"Putting your dick on ice doesn't seem to agree with you," he unfortunately continued. "It's been a while since I've seen you leave here with a woman. You spend all your downtime with Jean and the baby these days."
"I like spending my time with them," I said. "Why don't you worry about your own life?"
"But you've been acting weird for a while, now that I come to think about it." The nosy bastard picked up a toothpick and stuck it between his teeth. "At first, I figured Nell was just driving you nuts. Now ... something's seriously off and I think I know what it is."
"Ooh, please tell me. I can't wait to hear your wisdom, gossip girl."
He grinned. "You're in love."
Jaw hanging open, I could only stare.
"It's written all over your face," he said. "Every time you look at her I'm surprised you don't start drooling like the baby."
"What's happening over here?" Alex asked, as she leaned against Joe's back, slipping her arms around his waist and squeezing. "Boys, why the frowns? Show me some Christmas spirit!"
"Ho ho ho," said Joe, copping a feel of her ass.
"That's better." His slightly inebriated girlfriend grinned. Next came the tongues and mouths and ... oh god, I didn't need to see this. Plus, it was unprofessional.
But that was love, them being all stupid and gooey about each other. Jean and I weren't like that at all. Speaking of which, I accidentally glanced her way again, catching her eye. A quick friendly smile and back to work I went. Yeah, everyone could just mind their own business about us. Nothing to see here.
"You're full of shit," I said to my brother. "This conversation's done, Joe."
He licked his lips, holding back the chuckles. Asshole. "Yeah, okay."
"You're wrong."
"Am I? Guess we'll see."
"Excuse me, babe." He gave his girlfriend's arm a pat then rose from his seat and came around behind the bar to take over. "Go talk to her, dude."
"Her being Jean?" Alex asked, taking a sip of Joe's beer. So great that she could join in the conversation.
"We were just discussing the big issues," said Joe. "Life, love, shit like that. You know...."
"Shit like that? You're an absolute charmer, babe." Her nose delicately wrinkled. "Very well, continue on."
"Let's not," I said.
Bad enough my brother felt the need to get all up in my business and start discussing feelings. If Alex started in on the topic, we might be here all night doing quizzes in women's magazines and talking over sad moments from our childhood.
She made a humming noise and turned, looking over to where Jean and Andre were happily chatting again. With half a glass of red wine in her hand, Jean looked happy, relaxed. Which was great. It wouldn't hurt Andre to sit back a little and give her some breathing room, though. Jesus. Talk about being in her space.
"They make an interesting couple," said Alex.
"I don't know," said Joe, making up a jug of pomegranate martini. "Andre's probably just being a good neighbor."
"You don't think he's serious?" I crossed my arms. "Why, because she's got a baby?"
Joe nodded.
"Not so sure about that," said Alex. "I think Eric might have some competition."
"They're just friends. My big brother's reformed," stated Joe. "In case you haven't noticed."
Jesus. Pretty sure a
lobotomy would hurt less than listening to this. "I'm taking a break."
I slid behind my brother and got out of there pronto. Fresh air was required, no matter how freezing. Chatter and music filled the room, everyone busy having a good time. No one would miss me. From the rack by the door, I grabbed my coat and slipped outside into the butt-chapping winter wonderland. Times like this, I missed smoking. A good excuse for just stopping and getting my thoughts in order. Not that dying from messed-up lungs would ever be something I was in any way interested in, but you get what I mean.
Nothing much moved on the dark empty street. The sounds from inside were muted, the candles on the tables glowing. Too much was going on inside for me to think straight.
Neither me, nor Nell, nor Lydia, had raised the subject of the offer to sell again. Not really. We'd been tiptoeing around it, pretending it wasn't in the back of all our heads, taking up space. Everyone had been so busy with the Christmas bookings it'd been easy to avoid the subject. Next came New Year's Eve and that always drew a big crowd. Things usually quieted down during January so I guess we'd talk it out then. Maybe. The thought of scattering our patched-together family set my chest to hurting again.
The door opened and Jean stepped out, pulling on her coat. "Hey there."
"Hi. What are you doing out here?"
"Actually, I came out here to ask you that question." Her breath frosted the air, cheeks pink from the heat inside and maybe the glass of wine. "Everything okay?"
"Sure."
"You weren't about to make a phone call or something, were you?" she asked with a faint smile. "Am I cramping your style?"