And then it hit every place in me.
It was too much.
My senses sparked to life. Senses I didn’t even know existed. Something surrounded me, and I . . . I was invincible. My eyes were still closed, but I saw every shade of color. Red. Blue. Green. Yellow. And more, over and over, a rainbow that was inside me. The hunger dulled and the thirst eased off. I wasn’t hollow anymore. Oh no, I was so very full and warm even though the tip of my tongue felt cool.
“That’s it,” a deep, rough voice said. “Feed.”
I inhaled again without thinking.
Nails dug through my thin dress, pulling and tearing at the cloth. There was a sound, a pitiful whimper, but I was alive and my skin was tingling with electricity. I had no idea how much time had passed, but I slowly became aware of the woman no longer clutching my arms. She was on her back, and I was leaning over her. Then I wasn’t on the cot. I was on my feet, and the prince was beside me, his mouth on my throat and his hand in my hair, but I didn’t understand a single thing he said. Then we were moving—walking.
When I stumbled out of the room, my gaze collided with someone I knew. Someone who had been kind to me. Faye. Maybe it wasn’t her. I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t focus on her. Not when the walls were shaking and the floor was rippling.
Then I wasn’t walking anymore. I was floating, and I was surrounded by warmth as cool air washed over my tingling, sparking skin. I moved restlessly and I didn’t move at all. I wasn’t here. No. I was nowhere near here. It was like being blanketed in clouds. Maybe that’s where I was. Up in the sky where nothing could ever harm me.
Sensation burned my skin, jolting me out of my daze. I blinked slowly, recognizing the ceiling. The bedroom. I wasn’t in the clouds. I was on the bed. The burn on my leg was a hand, and the heaviness settling over part of my body wasn’t comforting.
I looked up.
Hair as dark as a raven’s wing. Not russet-colored. Not warm. Those eyes weren’t green. They were pale blue ice. My heart sped up again, and this godawful feeling in the pit of my stomach spread. This couldn’t happen. I didn’t want this. I never wanted this.
“No.” The word was weak, a whisper. I cleared my throat. “No,” I said louder.
He stilled, and I saw pieces of his chest and stomach. His shirt was undone. My stomach churned. He can make you do anything. I squeezed my eyes shut.
“You want—”
“No.” The word scalded my tongue, and it felt like I was fighting quicksand. It took everything to force the words out. “No. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. No.”
For a moment, I thought he would continue, that he would keep speaking and force my eyes open. That I would fall under that spell again, and even though I had a hard time remembering why it was bad, I knew it was terrible. It was evil. It was something I wanted no part of.
The prince grunted in exasperation. “Soon.” He lifted himself up, but I could still feel his weight, and I thought I might be sick. I no longer saw rainbows. “Soon you will say yes,” he said. “There is no other option.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
I slept for what felt like forever.
I didn’t remember the prince leaving the bedroom or the door closing behind him before I fell asleep, but the sun had set and rose before I woke up. I was a little disoriented upon waking, only because I wasn’t sure of how much time had passed, but I sat up and I was full . . . of energy. Like I’d received the deepest, most rejuvenating sleep possible. It wasn’t an abnormal level, like I’d done speed or anything, but I felt good and I . . .
And I remembered everything.
I fed on a human yesterday.
I jolted forward and winced as the heavy chain dragged over my still-sensitive skin. I realized that I wasn’t chained to the bed, but I didn’t move. I sat frozen, realizing something else. My dress was torn, the material pooling around my elbows. Scratches marred my upper arms. The woman—she had done that, because of what I had done to her.
“Oh God.” I leaped from the bed.
Dragging the chain behind me, I raced into the bathroom and dropped to my knees. Seconds later, everything that I’d eaten in the last day came back up. When I was done, my sides ached. I sat back, holding the top of the gown to my chest and supporting my weight with my other hand. Cold sweat dotted my forehead.
Oh God, I had hurt that woman. I’d taken from her what was not mine to take. I didn’t even know if she was okay or if I had taken too much. Feedings could kill humans.
I hadn’t known I was capable of feeding like a fae.
My fingers curled around the top of my dress as I stared blankly at the tile floor. I didn’t know who I was anymore. My breath caught in my chest. I’d forgotten how easy it was to fall under a fae’s control. It had happened to me before, when I was younger, but I’d truly forgotten how easily it could happen.
One look and I’d been under the prince’s control.
I’d been in complete control of myself, and a second later I hadn’t been, and I’d done something that went against everything I believed in.
That poor woman.
I knew I hadn’t willingly fed on her, but that didn’t lessen any of the guilt festering deep inside me, and that guilt quickly grew, because it wasn’t just a consequence of what I’d done to that woman. My stomach churned again.
I couldn’t remember the details of what had happened between the prince and me. After I . . . I’d fed, it was like I’d been detached from my body, gone someplace else. It was like being slipped a roofie, but I was somewhat lucky, because he had stopped. I remembered that, but it didn’t make me feel any real sense of relief.
An oily feeling settled over me, blanketing my entire body. I felt heavy, weighed down, and my skin, the bones and muscles, didn’t feel like my own. And they hadn’t been my own yesterday. I had no control. I knew that. My brain told me over and over that what happened yesterday with that poor woman wasn’t my fault. I’d been under a manipulation, a compulsion, and I hadn’t given Drake permission to touch me, to do anything with me. It wasn’t my fault, but I still wanted to flay layers of my skin off. I wanted to strip off the dress and burn it, along with the bed and this entire house.
I wanted to cut what little memories I had out of my head with a butter knife.
What he had done wasn’t remotely okay. I hadn’t been in the right frame of mind. He’d controlled me, forcing me to feed, and then took advantage of me being as high as a kite.
My stomach twisted again and I lurched forward, clutching the toilet. I heaved, and the only thing that came up this time was spittle and air, but it burned my throat and hurt my stomach. Once I thought I wouldn’t be sick again, I pushed away from the toilet.
I leaned back against the tub and dropped the end of the chain in my lap, closing my eyes and waiting for my heart to slow down. I focused on taking deep, even breaths and figuring out what my next steps would be. I had to have next steps. Something. I couldn’t sit on the bathroom floor.
I needed to shower.
I could do that.
I opened my eyes and forced myself off the floor. I closed the bathroom door, and was dismayed upon realizing the lock had been removed. I had no idea when that had happened. I cranked on the water, turning it up as hot as I could stand, and then I placed the chain on the sink. I stripped off the gown and picked up the chain without looking at my reflection.
I stepping under the hot spray of water, gasping as it hit my arms. The scratches stung as they got wet. I didn’t care if showering rusted the stupid band and chain. I stood under the hot water until my skin turned pink. Then I grabbed the bar of soap and lathered up not once
but three times, and I still felt like I could do it again. Hot tears burned my eyes.
I can’t do this.
Oh God. I wasn’t sure I could deal with all of this for a moment longer, let alone until I figured a way out of here. I didn’t regret making the deal. I’d had to make sure Ren was safe, but my plan had been so incredibly clueless, foolish even. Gaining time to figure out an escape only put me further under the prince’s control, giving him opportunities I had never foreseen. And now what? I had no idea how I could work at gaining Drake’s trust when I wanted to gouge out his eyeballs the next time I saw him.
I have to do this.
There was no choice—not really. Giving up wouldn’t stop time, and even though I didn’t plan on honoring our bargain when our time was up, I had to get out of here. I had to pull it together, because the only other option was that I . . .
I removed myself from the equation.