Newborn Under the Christmas Tree

‘You, me and Jamie.’ Liam nodded, sure and certain. But then his expression changed, and she could actually see the moment the other possibilities came to him. ‘And maybe more kids one day, if you wanted.’

He wanted. She could tell by the smile on his face. And that small, wistful smile was exactly why she knew this could never work.

And yet...

She wanted it. So badly. It was everything she’d ever dreamt of—the vision from that day on the hill—everything she’d thought she had to give up for ever.

Alice was a practical woman. She didn’t need true love, not the sort that films and books talked about. She needed an everyday affection, fondness from a partner—someone she could work as a team with.

And hadn’t Liam shown her he could give her that already?

Over the past two weeks Jamie had fulfilled every dream she had of being a mother, and many she’d never even imagined.

Between the two of them, they could make Alice happier than she’d ever imagined being.

If Liam still wanted to, after he knew the truth.

‘That...the more kids thing. That can never happen.’ The words came out staccato and sharp, and they felt like glass in her throat as she spoke them.

Liam’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘You don’t want more kids? Really? Because the way you are with Jamie—’

‘It doesn’t matter what I want,’ Alice interrupted. ‘I can’t have them. Ever.’

‘Why?’ he demanded, obviously confused.

Alice reached for her wine again and took a long gulp. ‘You asked me what happened with my husband. And why I run so much. Well, it’s the same answer to both.’

‘Tell me.’ Liam’s tone was no longer demanding. Instead, it was entreating. Begging her to trust him enough to bare her soul and tell him everything.

Could she? Alice knew she had to try.

So she took a deep breath and began.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LIAM KNEW FROM the moment she opened her mouth that he wouldn’t like this story.

He’d thought he needed to know about her past, her secrets—needed to understand what had brought her to Thornwood, and what would make her run again when the time came. But, in truth, they were her secrets and she had every right to keep them. And now it was time to hear them out loud...he’d give anything not to have to listen. For it never to have happened. For Alice’s life to have been blissfully happy and untroubled.

Except, if it had been, she wouldn’t be there with him and Jamie.

So he listened.

‘My husband... I told you he was a violent man. And I hoped he would change, or that I could, and that we could be happy again. You asked me why I stayed, but the better question is...’

‘Why did you leave?’ Liam whispered when her voice trailed off.

Of course it was. That was the question he should have asked on their walk that day. If she’d stayed so long, what had changed to force her to leave?

‘I was pregnant,’ Alice whispered, so soft that he had to lean across the table to hear her. His heart clenched at the misery in her voice, the lost expression on her face. He reached out and took her hand, and she squeezed it gratefully.

Whatever had happened to her, just remembering it was enough for her to accept his support. That alone told him how bad this was going to be.

‘I was six months gone, and those six months had been so different. He’d been supportive and thoughtful—all the things I thought he was when I married him. I was honestly starting to believe that this was what we’d needed to make us happy. That the baby would make him a different person—a father, a loving husband.’

She wasn’t the first woman to hope that, Liam knew. He suspected his own mother had believed that, once presented with the evidence of a child, his father would have suddenly welcomed them both into his privileged existence.

He hadn’t, of course. And he already knew that Alice’s husband hadn’t changed either.

‘One night, just before Christmas, he came home drunk and furious. I didn’t understand, because nothing had happened, nothing was different. But whatever it was that had upset him—and I don’t think I ever even knew—he blamed me. He yelled, he glared, and he reached out to push my shoulder. I stumbled back and hit the table and I realised, in that split second, that nothing would ever change. That I could not bring up a child in that house. So I grabbed my bag and started shoving things in it.’

‘What did he do?’ Liam asked quietly, his stomach already sinking at where the story must be going.

‘He followed me around the flat as I packed, screaming abuse at me. But I couldn’t hear him any more. I was lost in my moment of clarity, knowing that from this moment my life would be different. It would be me and my child against the world, and I would never let anyone make me feel the way my husband had, ever again. I was so fired up with the possibilities in front of me I didn’t even consider the problems. Or what he might do to try and make me stay.

‘As I walked out the front door of the flat, into the stairwell of the building, I turned to him and I told him I was never coming back. And then I spat in his face.’ Alice looked away, her fingers toying with the beer mat on the table before her. Her gaze darted to Jamie, then away, then back again. Liam didn’t push her; he just waited silently.

Finally, she spoke again. ‘That was what did it, really. His face turned bright red, almost purple. And he grabbed my arm, yanking me around on the landing outside the flat. And then he flung me down the stairs.’

Liam had known what was coming more or less since the story started. But nothing prepared him for the white-hot rage that surged through him as Alice spoke. He knew that violence wouldn’t help the situation, or endear him to Alice, but he couldn’t help the primal response that rose up inside him.

He supposed the only thing that made him different from Alice’s ex-husband was that he conquered it. Swallowed it down and held Alice’s hand tighter instead. He needed her to know he was there. That she could trust him, even if she never trusted any other person again.

‘I woke up in hospital two days later, on Christmas Eve.’ Alice looked up, and Liam lost his fury in the wide, sad pools of her blue eyes. ‘I lost the baby, of course. But there were other complications. Along with the broken bones and concussion, they had to operate to save my life as I miscarried. They did their best, of course. But in the end they told me—’ She broke off with a sob, her gaze dropping down to the table.

‘You could never have children,’ Liam finished for her. ‘God, Alice, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’

So many things that had puzzled him fell into place as she finished her story. Why she’d kept such a distance from babies—but fallen so completely for Jamie. Why she never let herself believe she could have that happy ever after that everyone else seemed to want. Why she always, always ran. Because if she kept moving she could never care enough about anything for it to matter when it was ripped away from her.

It was as if he’d stripped away a suit of armour from her, and when she met his eyes again he could see the whole of her for t

he first time since they’d met.

He knew who Alice Walters was now. And he only loved her more for it.

No. Not love. That wasn’t what she wanted, or what he needed. He admired her. Liked her. Wanted her in his life very badly.

But that wasn’t the same thing at all. It couldn’t be.

Could it?

Liam shook his head. This wasn’t the time to be worrying about such abstract things as love. He needed to focus on what mattered most—convincing Alice to stay at Thornwood and help him give Jamie the life he deserved.

And maybe, just maybe, he and Alice would find the life they dreamt of in the process.

* * *

Alice watched the flood of emotions playing over Liam’s face, and knew he’d say no now. That she had to leave. That she couldn’t give him what he was looking for.

She was damaged goods. Literally.

‘I can’t imagine how devastated you must have been,’ Liam said slowly. ‘But I think I understand now. You, I mean. I think I understand you.’

Alice shrugged. Maybe he did. ‘So you see why I can’t agree to your plan, then?’

‘No. That part still baffles me, actually.’

‘I can’t give you what you want.’ Did he really need her to spell this out? ‘I can’t give you more kids. Jamie would be it. And if we weren’t allowed to keep him...’ Then she’d lose everything again. Her baby and the man she’d hoped to build her life with. The man she...

No. She couldn’t think that.

But she knew the risks. If she stayed with Liam, if they were together...he’d already taught her to trust again. To hope.

What if he taught her how to love once more?

How could she ever recover from that?

‘They’re going to let us keep him,’ Liam said, with far more confidence than she felt. ‘They have to. Trust me.’

She wanted to. Oh, how she wanted to. ‘But if they don’t?’

What if they take him, and I’ve already fallen in love with you?