I wanted to scream until I pass out and forget all of this happened. Maybe when I’d wake up, I’d find myself in a world where my parents were still alive, and we were living happily ever after.
“When you’re rich, you can pay for someone’s silence, buy life and death, play god and win. That’s what he did. I’m a mere mortal… I lost.”
“I’m sorry.”
I am too.
“I hated you because you were a reminder of the boy who ruined me and stole my life from me,” I croaked, my ability to speak fading. I rubbed my chest, over my scars. “So rich, so spoiled. Such a brat with so much arrogance.”
Maddox made a sound at the back of his throat; it sounded almost like a silent cry before he spoke. “I’m sorry,” he said again.
With all my strength gone from my body, I couldn’t sit up anymore. My body swayed, and I fell onto my back and closed my eyes. I was drained of everything, all the pain, all the suffering… my past and all the memories.
I felt… empty.
And numb.
I didn’t have to open my eyes to feel him. Maddox settled on the cold grass and laid down beside me. I felt his warm breath against my neck. He was really close.
I breathed in the fresh air, and there was a comfortable silence between us. It lasted for a long time, and I soaked it in, the warmth from his presence. Until Maddox broke the silence.
“Tell me about your parents. How did they meet?” he asked gently.
So, I did.
I told him about an unlikely love story.
“My mom was the only Hispanic in their neighborhood, and all the other kids would pick on her. My dad was apparently one of her bullies until she grabbed him one day and slammed her lips against his then pulled back, looked him straight in the eye and told him, ‘If you can't shut up, I'll shut you up.’ He said he fell in love with her right then and there. My father always told me to be with the person who makes your heart beat a thousand miles an hour,” I told Maddox.
We stared at my parents' headstones, and I wondered if they could feel me since I was so close to them? Were they watching over me?
There was a dull ache in my chest, but I didn’t feel like crying anymore. Maybe I’d finally spent all my tears; because even though it hurt, the urge to cry was gone.
Until next year, until I allowed myself to break down again. I hated being vulnerable. The last time I was; I had been in a hospital and I couldn’t give my parents’ the justice they deserved.
I didn’t know why I let Maddox see me like this, why I allowed him to see my weakness… but all I knew was the moment he sat on that bench next to me and held my hand, I didn’t want him to let go.
I didn’t even cry at parents’ funeral until everyone was gone, and I was alone. Except the moment Maddox touched my hand – the dam broke, the cage around my heart shattered, and I hadn’t been able to stop crying.
We sat there for a long time. The sun was starting to go down, the sky turning a bright orange. I guess this place was called Sunset Park for a reason; it had the best sunset view.
“Do you believe in love?” Maddox asked, roughly.
What a strange question in a moment like this.
“Yes. But I've long decided that it's not for me. Not anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don't want to lose anyone else.” I’ve suffered enough loss for a lifetime, and I survived it, but I didn't want to test my luck.
How much pain can a person bear before they break down completely?
I was stronger than the magic of love.
I wrapped my arms around my knees and brought my legs closer to my chest. I laid my head over my knees and turned to look at Maddox. He was staring at my parents' headstones, looking thoughtful.
“Do you believe in love?” I asked him back. My cheeks felt tight from the cold and my dried tears. My face was probably blotchy and red, but I couldn’t find myself to care in the moment.
This was Maddox, my best friend.
He blinked, as if he wasn't expecting the question. “I don't know.”
Curious, I pushed for more. “What do you mean?”
“I used to think love was fake. It didn't exist. Love is too complicated and shit. No one belonged to me before. I was never close enough to love someone or to even understand the meaning of it.”
Wild emotions clogged my throat, and my heart flipped like a caged bird, beating its wings, looking for an escape.
“And what do you think now?” I whispered the question.