For the last three weeks, Maddox tried calling. He knocked on our door multiple times a day. He talked to Riley, tried to convince her to let him inside… to let him talk to me. But Riley was loyal to a fault. She didn’t know why I had to walk away, but she knew how much it hurt me.
I never ran away from my problems, but I had to run away from Maddox. He was my one weakness, and I knew the moment I took a look at his broken stare, his wounded blue eyes – I’d fall back into his arms. It would turn into a vicious, never-ending cycle.
“Hey, Lila!” I flinched away from my thoughts and turned toward the sound of my name.
My co-worker snapped her fingers in my face and gave me a questioning look. “Stop day-dreaming. No time for that.”
I wiped my wet hands on my apron. “I’ll serve the next table.” I went to take the tray from her hand, but she held it out of my way.
Amanda fished for something from the front pocket of her apron. She placed a blue post-it note, folded in half, in my open palm. “He told me to give you this.”
My heart thudded. “He?”
Amanda shrugged and walked away. I unfolded the note, and my heart cracked, my chest burning with misery.
I looked up and caught Maddox's eyes through the window of the restaurant. His tortured eyes held mine for a single second, a throbbing moment, a painful heartbeat, before he blinked and walked away. Maddox disappeared in the crowd, with only his note, as a reminder that he had been here.
We were strangers, once again.
This was more than a note about our last goodbye. He was letting me know he had given up. Maddox wasn’t going to fight for us anymore. It almost killed me where I stood, for a second, my heart ceased to beat.
I should have been happy about this – it was what I wanted, after all. I had been avoiding him for over three weeks, waiting for the moment, when he would stop calling and stop trying to see me.
But it still… hurt.
Goddamn it.
Giving Maddox Coulter my heart had been a mistake. But this time… I had been the one to walk away from him.
“I forgot, when are your exams?” Riley settled beside me on the couch, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I sunk into her embrace and curled my feet under me.
“I have two back to back in two days, and another, the day after next.”
We were now exactly twenty days from Christmas. My life fell apart at a shitty time. Exams period were upon us, and life got even crazier. I could barely study, barely focus on my revisions for my exams. My mind was a mess, and my heart just wasn’t in it. I constantly worried about Maddox. He was never next door. From what I heard, he was staying with Colton at his townhouse. The apartment that we made into our home – it was now empty. Forgotten. Abandoned.
“How are you feeling?” Riley asked cautiously.
“I feel like shit,” I said, shocking myself with my honesty. “How’s Maddox?”
Her brows creased. “I don’t understand you. He hurt you, you left him. There’s so much bitterness and heartache there. Yet, you still ask me about him every day. Keeping tabs on him. I don’t understand you, Babe.”
Fresh tears stung the back of my eyes, but I blinked them away. “I still love him.”
“Then why did you leave?”
“Because sometimes love isn’t enough.”
She squeezed my shoulders, and I knew what was coming. “He didn’t cheat on you. Yes, he lied. He should have told you about Bianca the moment he found out, but is it really that bad? This whole situation is just a big ball of mess, but maybe… I don’t know. I just think that Maddox would never intentionally hurt you. I think he was just trying to protect you, in his own messed up way.”
“You won’t understand.” Because she hadn’t looked into Maddox’s eyes and didn’t see his struggles… his truth…
“Help me understand.” She scrunched her nose, as she tried so hard to break down my walls. Riley was a good friend, my only friend. My little bundle of light.
“I can’t,” I whispered.
She let out a soft sigh, and her head dropped back against the couch. “Maddox still hasn’t returned. He’s staying with Colton, and he hasn’t attended any classes since…”
My eyes shuttered close, and I breathed through the stinging in my nose. “He’s going to be okay. Maddox is strong and capable of taking care of himself.”
“I hope you’re right,” Riley whispered.
She didn’t believe me.
And… as much as I wanted my words to be true, I didn’t believe myself either.
My phone vibrated between my legs, and I peeked at the screen, looking at an unfamiliar number. I ignored the call and closed my eyes.