I blinked, realizing Lucky was laying me down on the couch. He was above me, his body pressing into mine. It felt good. Too good. I had to stop this before we both got carried away. I sat up, pushing against him.
He stopped, staring at me as he sat inches away.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry… I…”
“What is it, Angel? Tell me so I can fix it.”
He kissed me again and I let him. But then I tore my lips away. He was so close. I wanted to let him in. But I couldn’t.
Remember Jacey. She needs you, Kirst. You have to tell him no.
“I can’t do this, Lucky.”
“Do what?” he murmured against my lips.
“Sex. I can’t have sex with you.”
He brushed the hair away from my face.
“Okay.” He ran his thumb over my bottom lip. “We don’t have to do that today.”
“I mean…”
I meant to tell him that I didn’t just mean today, but I never had a chance. He kissed me again, shushing me with his soft lips.
“But I am going to make you breakfast.” He kissed me again. “After I kiss you some more.”
“Oh…”
I had no fight left in me as Lucky kissed me. He laid me back on the couch, subtly arranging our bodies so that they fit together. His hardness pressed into my softness in all the right places. Especially the liquid heat between my legs. I realized after a little while that I wasn’t shaking anymore.
I felt safe, even with the six-foot biker kissing the hell out of me on my sofa. Even though I knew this was a terrible idea. Even though I knew I was going to have to disappoint him.
His fingertips traced my side and slid beneath me to hold my ass. He started to grind his hips into mine. It felt so good. But I knew if I didn’t stop this, we were going to end up screwing on the couch. And I couldn’t let that happen.
“Lucky…”
“Okay.” He rested his forehead on mine. “Okay.”
I could see the effort it took for him to climb off of me. To be honest, it took an effort to let him go.
“Are you hungry?”
I shook my head swiftly. The truth was, I was starving. I was always hungry. I’d learned to live with the dull ache in my belly.
But he wanted to make me breakfast and there wasn’t anything to eat. I needed the carrots and rice pasta for Jacey. Anything in there was for her. Except the peanut butter and crackers.
“You want eggs?”
Yeah, I really, really did. But there weren’t any. There wasn’t anything. He stood up and walked to the kitchen. I tried to stop him. I grabbed his arm but it was too late. He opened the fridge. Then he looked at the cabinets. I blocked his way.
“Lucky…”
“Move.”
He lifted me and set me down again out of the way. I cursed inwardly as he opened the cabinet. A package of diner crackers fell out. He looked at me, picking them up.
I’m not gonna lie, my mouth watered when I saw them.
“What the hell is this, Angel?”
“What do you mean?”
“Where’s all the food?”
I swallowed and looked away. I felt ashamed. But it was none of his business and I told him so.
“Yes, it is my business.” He gently pushed me against the counter, his body pressing into me as he stared at my face. “You are my business.”
I just looked up at him, not sure what to say.
“Are you starving yourself on purpose? To be thin?”
I shook my head ‘no.’
“You don’t have enough money?”
“I have… almost enough.”
He cursed and ran his hands through his hair.
“When’s the last time you ate?”
“I don’t know. Yesterday. Look, I really need to get some sleep before my shift.”
“Yeah. Right. When’s the last time you ate a full meal?”
My mouth opened and then shut. He had a point. I nibbled on Jacey’s leftovers but I hadn’t eaten a full meal in months. Maybe years.
We did get takeout on Christmas and Thanksgiving though.
But I wasn’t telling Lucky that. It would seem even worse.
“That’s what I thought.”
He lifted me up and I chirped like a surprised bird. He carried me down the hall.
“Which room is yours?”
I pointed and he opened the door.
“Who is in the other? Roommate?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to lie. Instead I just stared at him, and then at my bed.
“Lucky, I said I can’t.”
“I know.” He set me down gently on the bed so that I was sitting at the edge. “I’m just tucking you in.”
“Oh.”
He knelt down and took my shoes off, then slid his hands up under my dress.
“What are you–”
He gripped my pantyhose and tugged them down. I almost moaned at the weirdly erotic feeling of Lucky’s fingers dragging across my thighs.
“You got a nightie?”
I nodded and pulled an old, oversized rock concert t–shirt out from under the pillow. He smiled a little at that. Then he kissed me softly before standing up.