Not yet. But he would.
I forced a smile and slid onto the stool next to Jacey.
Milk it for every second of joy, Kirsten.
“So, what are we having?”
Lucky took one look at me and our eyes locked. He knew instantly. Somehow he knew I was barely holding it together. He poured a cup of coffee and set it in front of me. I inhaled the steam gratefully.
“Ohh… thank you.”
He nodded and went back to flipping pancakes.
“So, Mom, I wasn’t sure what Miss Jacey was supposed to have. The mix is organic but what about toppings?”
“Dairy free?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Oh, I could have kissed him! He got it! Her diet impacted her health directly. It wasn’t about extra pounds or even diabetes. It was the fact that sugar fed bacteria and milk increased mucus, two things my little girl could not afford.
I stood up and came around to look over his shoulder. He gave me a look of surprised pleasure that I was standing so close. He turned and pulled me in for a warm hug. I sighed and leaned my head against his chest.
I felt so safe I could have stayed there forever.
Lucky kissed my forehead and stepped back. He was so respectful in front of my kid. I felt myself sliding deeper. I wanted to break my vow. I wanted to thank him with my body.
“Fruit?” he murmured, still standing close and watching me with an intimate look on his face?
“I’m sorry?”
“Is fruit alright? For the pancakes?”
I nodded.
“Yes, in moderation. Pineapple is especially good. Bananas are super high in sugar so we usually skip those.”
He nodded.
“So no banana bread.”
“Maybe a small piece of it.” I laughed. “Don’t tell me you know how to make banana bread.”
“I don’t.” He pointed to his phone. “But Siri does.”
“Mom, can I go exploring today? Outside?”
“Of course. Maybe I could come with you?”
“Me too?” Lucky fluttered his lashes at us and we burst into laughter. It felt so normal. So right.
But not for long.
What man on earth would want to be with a celibate murderess?
I felt tears flooding my eyes and excused myself.
I turned the water on and had a good cry. I figured no one could hear me with the water running. After a quick shower I slipped back into my jeans and put on a button down shirt. Socks and my sneakers completed the outfit. I pulled my hair into a pony and swiped on some lip gloss. I stared in the mirror, looking at my pale face. I was exhausted from the adrenaline and the crash. I knew I was holding the memories of Sal’s attack at bay for Jacey’s sake. I knew at some point I wouldn’t be able to do that anymore.
But right now we were safe, and I was going to make sure my girl had every bit of normalcy she could.
Chin up, Kirsten!
I pinned a smile on my face and headed back to the kitchen, ready for exploring. They were standing together at the sink, washing and drying dishes.
“Yours is still warm,” Lucky said without looking at me. He was focused on my kid and I loved that. There was a pot lid covered with a dish towel on the kitchen island. I sat and lifted the pot lid off my plate.
“Wow, they are still steaming.”
“Lucky’s smart.”
I cut myself a bite and agreed with her. “Yes, he is.” I took a bite and almost moaned in pleasure. The man could really make good pancakes. I realized there were blueberries in the mix. Not too many. Just enough for a tart explosion of juicy goodness every now and then.
Lucky turned to watch me eat, his eyes on my mouth.
“These are ah-mazing.”
He smirked.
“Eat up so we can go exploring.”
He grabbed a bar of soap from the cupboard and handed it to Jacey.
“Rub this all over your shoulders and pant legs, especially the bottom hem and up the calves. Get your socks too.”
She looked at the soap in her hand and back at Lucky.
“Soap?”
He nodded.
“Yeah, it’s eucalyptus. Dev’s old family secret. It keeps the ticks off.”
“Wow I never heard of that. Are there are a lot of ticks up here?” I was worried and trying not to show it. Lyme disease was the last thing Jacey needed.
“Yes, loads. They hang out on bushes and grass waiting for you to brush up against them, so stay on the path. If you jump in the shower right after being outside, it makes it a lot harder for them to find purchase.”
“Purchase?” Jacey asked.
Lucky made monster hands at Jacey and bent over.
“To take a bite!”
She squealed and darted away as Lucky’s pincers grabbed her sides. I laughed, shaking my head. The man was a natural at this.
“You are really good with kids.”
“You sound surprised.”
“I am,” I said. “I thought you were more badass than family man.”
“I can be both, can’t I?”