“All right.” She hadn’t really expected him to go anyway. He had never attended church before; she didn’t presume to think that their marriage would change that aspect of Shade’s behavior. Church was a large part of her life, not his.
She wondered what parts of his behavior their marriage would change, if any. She should have thought of that before she’d said yes and married him today. It was too late now, though. Well… really, it had been too late from the moment she had realized she had fallen in love with him, despite knowing of his past.
He hadn’t told her he loved her, but she was deathly afraid he was. She didn’t want him to love her because, until he knew her past, the woman he loved was an illusion.
It was past time for Shade to meet his real wife, Callie.
Chapter 35
There weren’t many parishioners at Christmas Eve services when the women got there. Lily sat on the pew between Penni and Beth as Pastor Dean gave an eloquent service that moved everyone in the audience. Afterward, they had their church supper where Lily had accepted the surprised congratulations of those who hadn’t attended the wedding.
They didn’t stay long; the women all wanted to spend the evening with their husbands. Lily felt like pinching herself every time she referred to Shade as such.
“I hear you managed to get Shade to put a ring on your finger. When’s the baby due?” Lily’s head turned in shock at the harsh words that spewed out of Georgia’s mouth.
“I’m not pregnant,” Lily gasped.
“Why else would he marry you? You’ve been giving it to him for months, living in sin. You should be ashamed, coming to church, being around good Christian women,” Georgia’s spite-filled voice carried throughout the entire room. Heads turned to listen unashamedly as Georgia continued on her rant.
“Shut up, Georgia. You can’t talk to her that way,” a normally timid Willa spoke up for Lily.
“I can talk to her any way I want to. She’s a slut and everyone in this church knows it. Both her and her sister. Their father would roll over in his grave to know his daughters had lived in sin before they were married. “
“Lower your voice.” Willa made another attempt to silence the woman.
“Don’t tell me to be quiet again. The only reason you’re not out there whoring with your friends is because none of those bikers would want your fat ass.”
Lily stood and took Georgia’s verbal abuse, but she wasn’t going to let her defame Willa.
“Georgia, you need to go and take your nosy friends and walk out that door right now.” When Beth and the other Last Rider women finally managed to get through the crowded room, Lily could tell they thought they were coming to her defense. She didn’t need their help, though; she could take care of herself.
“What are you going to do if I don’t?” Georgia braced her feet apart. The woman actually thought Lily would start a fight in her place of worship.
She honored her God too much to stoop to her level; however, she had turned the other cheek too many times to do it again. Tonight, Willa was the one who had been hurt because she had tried to forgive Georgia’s previous verbal attacks.
Lily took a step forward, looking directly into Georgia’s eyes. She lowered her voice as much as she could so that the fewer parishioners who heard, the better. “Georgia, you are not a nice person and I, as a good Christian, have tried to ignore your repeated slander against myself and my sister. Whereas your comments are pure lies and you have spread them throughout the entire congregation, the comments I am about to tell are the truth.
“My father was this church’s pastor for many years, and while he did not spread gossip within the church, he did, upon occasion, discuss certain parishioners with my mother.” Georgia paled.
“Yes, Georgia, I know. Beth knows as well, and neither of us has opened our mouth to tell another of your own year in a rehab center, which my father helped your parents find when they dragged you off the streets where you were selling yourself for a few pills. Do not ever think that you have the right to throw any stone at women like Beth and Willa.”
“What’s she talking about, Georgia?” one of her loudmouth friends asked.
Lily stepped out of the way so that Georgia could grab her coat and escape the questions her friends were barraging her with as she left the fellowship hall.
“Remind me to never get you mad at me,” Bliss said in awe. “You do remember that I did apologize, right?”
“Wow, I’m impressed. I see you don’t need me anymore,” Penni gloated.
“I wish I had a video of that so Razer could have watched,” Beth said proudly.
Lily put her coat on. She wasn’t proud of herself, yet if Georgia hadn’t lost control enough to have attacked Beth and Willa, she would have continued to ignore the woman. Lily couldn’t understand what had brought the woman to lose control like that. She had to have been aware that Razer and Shade would find out and fire her.
Willa was putting on her coat when Lily interrupted her leaving. “I’m sorry she was so hateful to you because of me.”
“She wasn’t mean to me because of you. We went to school together, and she’s always hated me. She made high school miserable for me,” Willa told her.
“I hope she leaves you alone from now on.” Lily tried to sound encouraging.
Willa shook her head. “Georgia will never change. Goodnight, and congratulations again.”
“Thanks, Willa.” Lily hugged Willa goodbye, wishing she had Rachel’s gift for just a second to make Willa feel better.
* * *
The women talked about Lily shutting Georgia up all the way home. When Beth pulled up at the clubhouse, they all climbed the now-clear steps.
“It’s been a long day, hasn’t it?” Beth said as she was going in the door.
Lily caught her arm. “I’m going to stay out here for just a few minutes and get a breath of fresh air. I’ll be in shortly.”
Beth paused then nodded her head. “Don’t stay long, it’s cold.”
“I won’t.”
Lily walked back down the steps, turning onto the path that led behind the house. As she passed the house, she heard the voices of the members inside. She paused for a brief second, listening to the excitement and laughter from within. She didn’t pay attention to the words they were saying, only to the caring in their voices. They belonged, even Penni, who had known them for years. Only Lily was still an outsider.
Lily started walking again, taking the now-familiar path toward Shade’s house. Going up the steps, she wanted to sit down, but she didn’t want to get her church dress damp and go back inside with a wet butt. She leaned against the porch’s post instead.
“Why are you out here?” Shade asked, coming to the bottom of the steps, looking up at her.
“You couldn’t have picked a better spot for your home. The view is… perfect. When I stand here from this viewpoint, I feel like I could reach out and touch the sky. It sounds silly, but it’s so high here that I think God might hear me a little better.” She gave Shade a wry smile. “When I was a little girl, I would pray and pray at night. My real mother wasn’t much of a church-goer. If it wasn’t for my friends, I wouldn’t even have known there was a God. They told me about Him. My mother didn’t believe, explaining as much to me.”
“Lily, stop. I told you, not today. Not on our wedding day.”
“I have to tell you today, Shade. Today’s the day you made me your wife.” Her arms circled the post she was leaning against, trying to find the strength to tell him so he would understand.
“I didn’t know what a daddy was, so my friends tried to explain it to me. When they told me, I started crying because I wanted one. I didn’t have a lot; no dolls or toys, but I never cried for those. But when they told me what a daddy was, I really wanted one of those. My friends didn’t know what to do, but then one of them ran into her apartment and came out with a Bible and they told me about God, how He was everyone’s Father. I would talk to Him whenever… whene
ver I needed Him. I don’t know if He could hear me. I don’t think I was close enough.
“That’s why I love the mountains. I feel closer to God. When I came to the mountains, He gave me parents who loved me. He gave me Beth and He gave me you, Shade. My husband.
“Do you know why I didn’t want to have sex with my husband before I married? Because I wanted it to be clean and new, because I’m dirty, unclean—”
“Don’t you ever fucking say that again!” Shade’s foot came up on the first step.
“It’s the truth, Shade. I’ve slept with more men than any woman in that house, and you deserve to know that. I can’t give you my virginity; I lost it long ago and everything else from that life that I forgot until Halloween night.”
“I wish you had never remembered.” Shade’s quiet voice didn’t hide the anguish in his voice.
“I don’t. It was destroying me, Shade.”
“There was nothing worth remembering.” His harsh words had her straightening from the pole.
“Oh, yes, there was. There were three little girls who were like sisters. When my mother would finally crash and sleep, she would take me to a babysitter. I know my mom didn’t pay her; she spent all her money on anything other than me. I was raised with two beautiful little girls. They loved me enough to see that I had food to eat, that I had toys to play with, that I had a normal touch. They would hold my hand constantly when we went out. They were constantly afraid they would lose me. We would sit on the playground and pretend that we would run away when we grew old enough. Vida was sweet and sensitive. She loved animals. She wanted to live on a farm. Sawyer was more adventurous. She wanted to have fun. She chose Disneyland, and I wanted to see the Northern Lights.”
“That was why you wanted to go to Alaska.” Shade’s soft voice drew her attention from the past.