Shade saw the way Lily stared at the two and felt a sense of disquiet. She had acted too quiet over the course of the day.
He frowned in concern as he watched her doing the dishes. She seemed so alone, lost in her own world.
When she slipped out the kitchen door, he rose.
“Aren’t you going to watch the game?” Razer asked, looking up at him.
“No. You can tell me who won later.”
Shade left, going outside to see Lily several feet in front of him as she walked toward his house. He stepped off the path, walking through the trees silently as he watched her climb the steps to sit on the porch. He had observed her often going there to sit, looking toward the mountains. He didn’t like her out alone, but he sensed her need to be so; therefore, he would stay back and give her time to herself.
It would become easier once they moved into their house. All she would have to do was walk out her front door. He needed to remind Cash to tell his grandmother to buy an old rocking chair during her yard sales. He thought Lily would like the history of an old piece of furniture on her porch, something which could withstand the test of time.
It was beginning to get cold. Shade was about to step forward and tell her it was time to go inside when he saw Lucky coming outside and walking up the path.
“You’re going to get sick sitting out here in the cold without a jacket.” Lucky came to a stop at the bottom of the steps, looking up at her.
Lily stiffened when she heard Lucky’s voice.
“I was just about to go in,” Lily replied.
When Lucky walked up the steps, taking a seat next to her, Lily turned her face away from him.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” Lucky asked quietly.
“I haven’t been avoiding you. I saw you last week at the store and Sunday at church,” Lily prevaricated.
“You hide behind Rachel at the store, you take off as soon as church is over, and you haven’t said two words to me today. What’s wrong, Lily?”
She leaned her head against the wooden rail next to her, hiding her face in the darkness. “Because I’m so ashamed,” Lily’s voice trembled.
Shade’s hands clenched by his sides. Lily had never mentioned her abuse other than when she was having a panic attack or when Rachel had helped her those two times. She had never talked about it even with Beth.
“What on Earth have you got to be ashamed of?” Lucky’s stunned voice had Lily trying to scoot farther away from him.
“Because I don’t belong in your church.” Lily paused. “I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve done things, Pastor Dean. Things I know God’s not going to forgive me for.”
“Lily, don’t. Please don’t think like that.” He reached out to touch her shoulder but Lily moved away, not wanting him to touch her.
“It’s true. I … I…” Lily’s voice firmed. “Before I came to Treepoint to live with Beth’s parents, I lived with my mother. She … she wasn’t a nice person. She had me do things, Pastor, to men she would bring to our apartment.” She shuddered.
Shade wanted to step forward and hold her in his arms, but standing still, he acknowledged Lucky was what she needed to find the peace he wanted her to find.
“I didn’t want to, but she would make me drink liquor so I wouldn’t fight them. I quit fighting what she wanted me to do so she wouldn’t make me drink it anymore. Do you think God will forgive me for that? She told me that, if I told my friends, she would kill them. I knew she would because I was her daughter, and she didn’t care if I was dead or alive. She just wanted the money they would give her for me.”
“Dear God. Lily, stop…” Lucky’s voice was hoarse.
Shade moved a little to his left, knowing Lucky would see the small movement. When he looked toward him, Shade shook his head. Lucky wouldn’t want to hear Lily’s dark confession, thinking it wasn’t his place, but it was. If anyone could help Lily find solace with her God, it was Lucky.
“If she couldn’t find someone for me, she would send me to apartments where she knew the men lived alone and make me ask if they wanted company for the night. I learned how to do what she wanted, or she would beat me so bad I couldn’t go outside and play with my friends until I healed. If anyone came to ask about me, she would tell them I was too sick to play.”
“What happened to your mother?” Lucky’s voice was harsh.
“Her boyfriend moved in with us. He was nice for a while. He paid the bills and gave her money to spend. He even bought me my first doll, but she would get mad at him because he wouldn’t give her extra money for her pills, so she would wait until he went to work and sneak men into the apartment.
“One day, he came home early and saw me in bed with a man. Marshall pulled a gun out and made them sit on the bed and told me to get dressed. I heard him call someone, but I was too scared to listen. He made us all sit there until someone knocked on the door.”
“Who was it?”
“I don’t know. I’d never seen him before, but he was big and scary to me because, when Marshall told him what he’d seen when he came home, he took the gun and killed my mother and the man on my bed.” Lily took a deep breath. “Then he turned to me, asking me if Marshall had ever touched me, and when I told him yes, he killed Marshall. He lit a fire on my bed and made me leave with him. I didn’t try to scream; I was too scared.”
“I bet you were,” Lucky said grimly.
“He took me on a long drive. I slept most of the time. When I woke up, I was in Beth’s house, and he was gone. Her parents told me they were adopting me and to forget about my mom and the life I had before, so I did. I made myself forget every dirty thing I had been forced to do. I forgot the men. I forgot my mom. I forgot Marshall. I forgot my sitter who always smelled like chocolate chip cookies. I forgot my friends, Sawyer and Vida, who were like sisters to me. I forgot every single ugly detail of my life until I forgot me.”
“Lily, look at me.”
Lily didn’t.
Shade ached for her, wanting to give her the comfort she deserved.
“Please, look at me,” Lucky pleaded.
Lily broke, crying as if her heart was breaking. Shade fought back his own tears as Lucky put his arm around her shoulders, letting her cry until she lay quietly against him.
“I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry anymore,” Lily said.
“I think that one was well deserved. That’s why you wanted to become a social worker, isn’t it, to help children like yourself?”
Lily nodded. “Yes, I think so.”
“Lily, do you plan on judging children if you find them in situations like you were in?”
“Of course not,” Lily said, clearly shocked that Lucky thought she would.
“When people start coming into the church store tomorrow, are you going to judge them for being in need?”
“No,” she repeated. “They need our help.”
“Yes, they do, like you needed help and no one was there for you. You chose to survive, Lily. You’re the kindest, most compassionate woman I know, and it’s a true miracle that part of you wasn’t destroyed. As your pastor, I couldn’t be more proud. You make my Sundays worthwhile because when I look out into my congregation and see your face, I know God has graced my church with your presence.
“You have done nothing to feel ashamed of. The ones who should be ashamed are the ones who are responsible for hurting you. You don’t have any lessons to learn from me, but I have many to learn from you, Lily, because as God is my witness, I would have killed every single one of the bastards who touched you.”
“Thank you, Pastor.” Lily smiled at him with relief.
“Go on inside. It’s freezing out here. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She stood up, pausing when he didn’t follow. “Aren’t you coming in?”
“In a minute. I want to say a prayer.”
“Would you like me to stay and pray with you?” Lily asked.
“No, you’ve been out here long enough.
I won’t be long.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Lily.”
When Lily had walked down the path and out of hearing, Lucky spoke up.
“You don’t deserve her,” he said, standing up.
“I know,” Shade stepped out of the shadows, not taking his eyes off Lily as she walked back toward the clubhouse.
“It’s a good thing they’re all dead, or we would be riding tonight.”
“It seems they’re all dead but one,” Shade said thoughtfully, turning to his brother.
Lucky frowned at him. “Which one?”
“The one who gave her to Beth’s parents.”
“You think something from her past may be why someone is trying to kill her?”
“Whoever has been watching her house has been doing it for years. Who else could it be?” Shade said, coming to the only conclusion which made any sense.
“Damn.”
“Talk to Knox, tell him what we found out tonight. I’m going to talk to Beth again and see if she remembers anything from when Lily first came to live with them. At this point, any adoption papers, even fake ones, would be a lead.” Shade’s only hope of finding the papers was Beth.