‘I just wondered how you’re feeling. I have a few concerns. You look tired and you look as if you’ve lost a bit of weight. Would you mind if I weighed you today?’
‘I’ve lost eleven pounds,’ Lisa said quickly.
Corrine nodded. At this point, she would take Lisa’s word for it. She needed to get to the bottom of things.
A tear started to trickle down Lisa’s cheek. ‘I just thought it was stress. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, in case you thought I couldn’t cope with the learning. This is my dream. I want this more than anything. I don’t want to be the person who goes through all the interviews and tests and then can’t cope with the workload.’
The words tumbled out, one after the other.
Corrine pressed her lips together. She was feeling guilty. If Lisa felt that she couldn’t come and talk to her then she wasn’t doing her job properly.
She slid an arm around Lisa’s shoulder. ‘I don’t think this is stress. I don’t think this has anything to do with your mental health. I think this is physical. Do you have any other symptoms you can tell me about?’
Lisa started scratching again. ‘I’m itchy. I’m itchy all the time. I started taking antihistamines but they haven’t helped at all. And I can’t sleep at night. I keep sweating. It’s driving me crazy. I kept thinking it’s just because I’m in Texas and not used to the heat. Then I thought I must be stressed. I even had my husband send me my own pillow from home to see if that helped me sleep.’
‘And it didn’t?’
Lisa shook her head. Corrine took a deep breath. ‘Lisa, would you mind if I examined you? I mean, all of you?’
Lisa’s eyes widened at little. ‘What did you find in the blood tests?’
Corrine kept her voice steady. ‘Some of your blood levels were a little abnormal. But nothing that could be diagnosed at this point. I want to take a full history from you again and do a full examination. From there, we should be able to decide what other investigations you might need.’
Lisa nodded and stood up, reaching for the zip on her flight suit. ‘But it will be something simple, won’t it? Something you can treat easily?’
This was the hard bit. She didn’t want to make false promises. Not when she knew what was at stake. ‘Let’s wait and see.’
She was thorough. She was always thorough. Lisa was totally surprised when Corrine found raised lymph nodes in her groin and under her arm.
‘What does that mean? Is it tumours?’
Corrine tried to answer carefully. ‘Raised lymph nodes are normally the sign of some kind of infection. What I’d usually do is ask you to come back in two weeks to see if they were still there. But, because you’ve told me the other symptoms you’ve been having, I think it’s best to refer you on to a specialist. They might do a fine needle biopsy to give them a better picture.’
‘A fine needle biopsy where?’
Corrine spoke softly. ‘Of one, or both, of the lymph nodes.’
Lisa sat up and zipped up her flight suit. ‘I think I’m going to be sick.’ Corrine made a grab for the trashcan.
I think I’m going to be sick too. Lisa had all the signs of non-Hodgkin lymphoma. It could only be diagnosed by a specialist. And it would be wrong for her to have that kind of discussion with Lisa now.
Lisa pulled her head up from the trashcan. ‘This is it for me, isn’t it?’
Everything inside Corrine’s stomach twisted. Lisa should be talking about her life. But Corrine knew she was talking about her place on the programme. This was how they all were. All the candidates were so focused on completing the programme and getting into space that nothing else mattered. She got that.
She put a hand on Lisa’s shoulder. ‘Let’s wait and see what the specialist says.’
‘When will I get to see him?’
‘Today. Let me make a few calls. I’ll get someone to see you and arrange transport. Do you want me to come with you?’
Lisa nodded numbly. ‘I need to go. I need to take a few minutes.’
Corrine’s heart squeezed for her. She’d just ripped this woman’s hopes and dreams away in the blink of an eye. It was so cruel. Something that was totally out of her control. She’d become a doctor to help people. Not to tell them the thing they’d worked towards was now out of their grasp.
She leaned against her desk. She’d always loved her job. Like Lisa, she’d dreamed of it, worked hard for it and been delighted when she’d finally got it. How would she feel if someone ripped it away from her?
Her stomach turned over. Austin Mitchell.
Things had finished more than a little awkwardly the other day. She had to get it all into perspective.
If anyone found out they’d had intimate knowledge of each other...well, it wasn’t against the rules. Lots of fellow colleagues had romanced, fallen in love and married. In a place this size with so many people, it wasn’t that unusual.
But she didn’t want to take any chances. She was responsible for Austin’s medical assessments. She didn’t want anyone to think she couldn’t be impartial. She could fix this. She could. She’d swap with another medical colleague. That would keep everything above board and where it should be.
But she’d do it later.
Right now, she had to make a referral that could be devastating for a woman she liked and respected.
For the first time in her whole medical career, she hoped she was completely wrong.
* * *
The test flights had been exhilarating. He’d loved every second. It wasn’t that everything came easy—there was always a lot to learn. It was just that he was a natural pilot. Within a few minutes he always had a feel of the plane and the controls, how light his touch needed to be. It was like being in tune with the machine—as if it were just an extension of yourself.
People who weren’t pilots didn’t get it. Didn’t get it at all. The feel of the thrust of the engines. The noise in your ears. The blur of the ground underneath.
The T-38 was totally different. It was a supersonic jet. Closest thing to a space flight on earth. And he’d loved every single second of it. A few months ago some astronauts had made the fastest journey between earth and the International Space Station, taking just less than six hours. The joke was that it took less time than the standard flight time from London to New York.
He’d love to be a part of something like that. Love it.
The training was over for now and he and Drayton, the other pilot, headed back to the base. As soon as they stepped inside the door they knew something was wrong.
It was as if the temperature had dropped by ten degrees around them.
He shot Drayton a worried look. The silence pervaded the space. Normally this place was full of laughter and chatter.
‘Have you heard anything?’
Drayton shook his head. ‘No. Not me.’
They dropped their bags and headed through to the main room. All the other candidates were there. Except one.
‘What’s wrong?’ Austin strode into the room and looked from one face to another. No one was talking. No one could look him in the eye. Taryn looked as though she’d been crying. They all looked...broken.
He walked straight up to Adam, their head instructor. ‘What is it?’
Adam’s gaze flashed between Austin and Drayton. ‘It’s Lisa. She’s sick.’
Austin looked around again. ‘What do you mean, she’s sick?’
Adam bit his bottom lip. ‘She’s been diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. She starts treatment immediately. She’s out of the programme.’
It was as if someone had just kicked him in the guts. He wasn’t quite sure if it was the diagnosis, or the outcome. For someone who had their heart set on being an astronaut, it was a double blow.
‘Where is she? Can we visit her?’
Adam hesitated. ‘She’s just been diagnosed. She has to tell her family—tell her kids. Talk to Corrine; she went with her.’ He held up his hand. ‘But I have to warn you, she’s pretty upset too.’
Austin nodded and took off down the corridor. His footsteps slowed as he reached her office. He could hear her. Even from here. The quiet sobs filtered through the door.
He pulled his phone from his pocket. He and Lisa had texted each other regularly. Usually it was picture texts—no words. Just different emoticons. He wanted her to know he was thinking of her. He couldn’t send a sad face. That was the wrong message. He certainly couldn’t send a crying face. The pictures they normally sent were food, joke animals or—a space shuttle. He certainly couldn’t send that.
In the end he picked a heart. A red one had the wrong connotation. So he picked bright blue—the same colour as their WSSA flight suits. Less than ten seconds later she sent it straight back.
He pushed open the door of Corrine’s office. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t seen her for over a week. It didn’t matter that the last time he’d seen her she’d been naked, with only a duvet around her. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t tried to call her once in the last few days. He could only focus on the right now.
She was sitting on the armchair in the corner of her room, her knees pulled up and her head in her hands.
He knelt down beside her and tugged gently at the edge of her skirt. ‘That’s a whole different kind of view.’
She looked up. Her eyes were puffy and red. What little make-up she normally wore had all but disappeared. There were a few black smudges around her eyes. As for her hair? It was all over the place.