He couldn’t work out why she was so mad. Nor could he take his eyes off her bare, slim, tanned legs.
‘And if you ask me, that’s ridiculous. Your father contracted something he could have got at any point in his life. That wasn’t your fault. But you’ve grown up thinking that it was. How dare he make you feel like that? How dare he put that pressure on you?’
She was getting more riled up by the second. ‘He had no right—no right to do that to you at all.’
Austin stood up and put his hands on her shoulders. ‘I know that. I do. It’s just taken me a little time to get there.’
‘So what does that mean? That you, in turn, will put all that on me?’
If he’d been confused before, he was totally lost now. ‘No. What do you mean? What are you talking about?’
She pointed at him. ‘You. You came into my office and said we had to cool it. You said I’d—’ she lifted her fingers in the air ‘—“distracted” you. You said that your feelings for me had made you lose focus—that you couldn’t concentrate on piloting. What kind of a thing is that to say to anyone? So, if you go on your mission in a few years’ time, and make a mistake, that could be my fault? I’ve ruined your mission. I’ve cost people’s lives? Who does that, Austin? Who says things like that?’
Tears were glistening in her eyes and he could feel panic start to swamp him. This was the last thing he wanted. He’d never wanted to hurt Corrine.
And she was right. Everything he’d said had come out wrong.
This was his fault. He’d met a woman who had just blown him away—much more than any space flight ever could. She’d challenged his mind and his heart. He’d felt a connection that he’d never felt before.
And he didn’t know how to put that into words.
What a fool.
He could print out his résumé for anyone. His service, his test-pilot status, the tours of duty, the missions he’d flown. Most people were impressed. Most people used the word hero to describe Austin Mitchell.
But here he was, hurting the woman he loved because he couldn’t make a decision.
He shook his head. His heart squeezed as a tear slid down her cheek.
He loved her. He loved her. He just couldn’t tell her.
Because for the first time in his life, Austin Mitchell wasn’t brave enough.
Wasn’t brave enough to put his heart on his sleeve and ask her if she could love him back.
The risk seemed huge. What if he declared his love for her then decided he didn’t want to be an astronaut? How would she react? Would they still have their connection? Would she still want to be with him?
He’d dated lots of women. But maybe his taste was questionable, because most of them had loved having Austin on their arm and telling the world he was a Top Gun instructor. It seemed they’d been more stuck on the title than stuck on him.
But Corrine wasn’t one of those women. And what he felt for her seemed so real that he couldn’t bear it if she didn’t feel the same way.
It wouldn’t be fair. If he chose to go into space, then Corrine would be left on the ground. They’d be apart for months.
She shook her head. ‘I don’t want this to be about me. I don’t want any of this to be about me. I shouldn’t even enter into this equation. This has to be about you. About what you want. About where you want to go in your career. You have to leave me on the sidelines. I can’t be part of this.’
He understood. He understood exactly what she was saying. ‘But you are,’ he said simply. ‘I spent four weeks in Kazakhstan thinking about nothing else.’
He almost couldn’t believe he’d said that out loud. Austin Mitchell didn’t do this. He didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve. But when he was about to make one of the biggest decisions in his life he couldn’t hold back. He had to play with all cards in the deck.
‘I can’t let you do this.’ She stood up quickly. ‘You’ve wanted this for so long. I can’t be the reason you’re having second thoughts. We don’t even know what “we” are, Austin. If you change your mind now you’ll end up hating me for the rest of your life. I can’t live with that.’
He could hear the emotion flooding through her. She started pacing. ‘What if we have a fight in six months and walk away from each other? How would you feel then?’
He stood up next to her and grabbed her shoulders. ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know. That’s what’s wrong. I’m so used to knowing exactly what I want out of life. All of a sudden, I’m not so sure.’
One minute she was telling him not to include her—the next it was very clear she wasn’t happy. It seemed that Corrine was every bit as confused as he was.
He wanted her to push open her front door and invite him in. He wanted to lie in bed next to her, feel the warmth of her skin next to his and discuss what should happen next. Did they even have any kind of future together?
He just didn’t know. He wasn’t sure she felt the same way he did. And maybe he was reading too much into this. He’d never met a woman who had got under his skin as Corrine did. Maybe this would pass and he just hadn’t realised it.
She backed up towards the door. ‘You have to make your own decision about what you want. We’ve had fun. But I don’t want to be the reason that you don’t go into space. I don’t want to be the reason you change your mind about something you’ve set your heart on. You can’t put that on me, Austin. It’s not fair.’
What she was saying was reasonable. It was rational. But that didn’t explain the way that it hurt. A tiny part of his head wanted her to wrap her arms around him and tell him she didn’t care what job he did.
Where had that come from?
Together? For ever? A future together? When had his brain started to think like that? Maybe he was crazier than he’d previously thought.
It wasn’t that she was putting some distance between them. She was practically building a wall.
‘I have to go.’ Before he could even blink she rushed up the steps and into the house.
Gone. Just like that.
He shook his head and pushed his helmet back on, swinging his leg over the bike. He’d no intention of going back to base right now. His fellow candidates would be in the bar and expect him to join them.
He wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.
Instead, the wide open roads of Texas were beckoning. He could ride flat out for miles around here. Plenty of open spaces. Plenty of thinking time.
And that was exactly what he would do.
* * *
She couldn’t breathe. Her heart was pounding in her chest, waiting for the sound of the gunning engine to fade into the distance.
After a few seconds she finally heard it. Her legs started to give way and she slid down the wall, the remnants of her dinner spilling onto the floor.
She couldn’t tell him. Not like this. Not now.
One minute she’d thought she’d be a single parent because Austin wasn’t ready for all this. The next, he was telling her he was considering putting his dreams on hold and might be having second thoughts. Because of her.
She felt sick. If she told him about the baby now, it might force his hand one way or the other. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want that for herself or for their baby.
If Austin wanted to be with her, then it should be because of her, not because of a baby they’d created together. Relationships like that never worked. And she didn’t intend to destroy herself learning that lesson. She didn’t want to put her kid through that either.
Rationally, she knew that Austin was a good guy. As soon as she told him about the pregnancy she didn’t doubt he would stand by her. But what would that mean?
If his heart was set on space, she didn’t want to be what kept his feet planted on the earth.
More than that, if he was havi
ng doubts, she didn’t want to be a factor at all. She didn’t want him to turn around in twenty years’ time and tell her she’d ruined his career.
The trouble was, in all this, she hadn’t made room for her heart.
She was trying to think of him. To step back and let him make his own decisions—even though he was doing it without all the facts.
But when that broad frame had walked back into her office the other day she’d felt that familiar ache. The one that would be there whether she was pregnant or not.
This was a guy she’d connected with. This was the guy who could make her burst with happiness one second and have her spitting feathers the next.
He was hot. But he was so much more than hot. She felt safe around him. She felt special. She loved the little twinkle in his bright blue eyes that he seemed to save just for her.
The connection felt real. The connection felt so real. And it was the one she’d been waiting for. The one that other people in love told her would happen one day.