But that was ridiculous. It didn’t matter how she felt about all this. It didn’t matter that the timing sucked. It even didn’t matter what his reaction might be.
She’d hate herself if he left the astronaut candidate programme. And he would probably hate her too. Just as long as he didn’t hate their kid.
For another ten seconds she’d worried that history could repeat itself. What if their child contracted something infectious and gave it to Austin—ruining his chance of a space mission?
But one quick check of his notes had revealed he was vaccinated against everything possible. Just the way it should be for astronauts. Times had changed.
But what wouldn’t change was this baby. It was already here, currently a work in progress.
And it was time to tell him. Whether he liked it or not.
She sucked in some air and blew it back out.
She put her hand on her stomach and smiled. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to be happy she was pregnant and happy that this baby was here.
Did it matter that everything else was a complete and utter mess?
She put her head in her hands.
The hardest part for her came next. What did she want? What did she want for herself and for her child?
Wow. That was so scary. She stood up and came back into the room, nodding to the sonographer and picking up her bag and little picture.
As she walked outside the sun was shining and the temperature was peaking. A bench under a tree beckoned. It had probably been put there especially for the women who’d just been scanned to sit and contemplate life.
And that life had just changed completely. Although the truth was it had changed nine weeks ago.
She’d spent so long only considering herself. She’d spent so long never letting anyone in. How had Austin Mitchell managed to wiggle his way in there?
Stealth. A cheeky grin. Persistence. And a whole lot of va-voom.
Too bad he didn’t actually want to be there.
She was scared of what came next. Scared of everything actually. She kind of wanted to just wrap herself in a bubble and stay there for the next seven months. Or stay there for ever.
It was pathetic really. A woman with all this training, all this experience, floundering over her own life.
A warm breeze made her hair flutter around her.
She was lonely.
She’d been lonely for a long time.
She’d isolated herself from others. Yes, she had friends. But she’d never really let anyone get as close as Austin.
What she’d had with him felt special. And she hadn’t even told him. Probably because she had so much trouble admitting it to herself.
They were too similar. Work had become everything. Four weeks ago he’d walked away from her—walked away from them.
And now she could recognise why. Because he was feeling as much as she was.
He’d even spelled that out. He was braver than her.
But where did that leave her? Did she want single parenthood or did she want to fight for something more?
She wasn’t sure that she wanted to be one of those women. One of those women—or men—who had to spend three to six months staring at the stars and wondering if the person holding her heart was safe. They were heroes right alongside their partners. And it was terrifying. Exposing yourself to emotional risk. She had to understand where she was with all that before she went any further. And she had to do it soon.
Because space baby was on its way.
* * *
Austin pulled up outside the yellow clapboard house.
For the first time in a long time he was nervous. He’d made a monumental decision. Now, he just had to tell Corrine. Now, he just had to see how she would react.
He’d been away again. Corrine had left him a voicemail saying they needed to talk. Four weeks in deserts, jungles and in ice. And in that time, everything had become crystal clear for him.
He’d messaged her earlier asking her to come for dinner with him. They hadn’t seen each other since he’d worn his heart on his sleeve a month ago. It made him feel horribly exposed. A situation he definitely wasn’t used to.
She hadn’t said anything he wanted to hear. She hadn’t told him how she felt about him. But he could hardly blame her. He’d broken up with her. Of course she wouldn’t.
He stared at the door for a few seconds wondering how she would be tonight. But he didn’t even have time to turn off the engine and walk to her door. Corrine opened her door and stepped outside. She was ready. She’d been waiting. Surely that was a good sign? But she looked a little nervous.
He sighed. She was wearing a simple black dress. Her blonde hair was tousled. She’d never looked more perfect.
But she wasn’t smiling. She seemed tense, her shoulders rigid and her jaw a little clenched. He glanced at the single yellow rose sitting on the passenger seat of the car. The gesture he’d thought might be romantic now seemed contrived and ill conceived. He tossed it into the back seat as Corrine walked around the car and climbed into the passenger seat. ‘Hi,’ she said quietly. It was all he could do not to fixate on her bare, tanned legs filling the footwell.
‘Hi,’ he replied. ‘How are you?’
Her hesitation was fleeting but he still noticed. ‘Fine. I’ve been busy.’ She waited until he’d started down the long dirt track. ‘Where are we going for dinner?’
‘Somewhere a little different. I think you’ll like it.’ He hoped she’d like it. He’d spent about five hours trying to find the perfect place to take Corrine. The perfect staging for what could be the biggest conversation in his life.
‘How did the next stage of your training go?’ She was twiddling a piece of hair in her fingers.
Small talk.
He paused. It was a natural question. He’d found out Corrine had spent last week focusing on the astronauts currently on the space station. They needed constant monitoring to ensure they all stayed in perfect health. Bone density, blood electrolyte levels, visual acuity all had to be measured while astronauts were in space and all the medical doctors shared the responsibility between them. Corrine had been on duty all this week so she would have been busy.
She placed her hands on her lap and let her thumbs rotate over and over each other. She was just as nervous as he was.
‘The training went fine. Jungle, then desert landing, the ocean landing after that, followed by an introduction to Antarctica.’
She shot him a half-smile. ‘So, you managed to avoid snakes, dangerous insects and polar bears?’
He nodded. ‘Michael managed to come out in some weird rash after a reaction to something. And Taryn tried to catch rainwater using some bizarre leaf concoction and ended up puking. I’ve no idea what she actually ingested.’
It wasn’t nearly as bad as it sounded. All astronaut candidates were left in a variety of settings to hone their survival skills. It was an essential component of their training. There was no guarantee where their re-entry pod would land. The last one had been around two thousand miles closer to Antarctica than anticipated and it had taken more than twenty hours to finally retrieve the astronauts. Survival skills for all elements were essential.
He turned the car onto the highway. The traffic was light. The rush hour had long since passed and the sun was dipping in the sky, sending streams of peach, orange and red across the darkening twilight. It looked as though it was going to be a perfect Texas evening.
If only someone would tell his churning stomach that.
He’d already decided the order he wanted to do things.
Speak to Corrine.
Speak to his father.
Speak to Adam.
But how did you tell a woman that lived and breathed WSSA that you were about to leave? And how did you also te
ll her that part of the reason you didn’t want to go to space any more was because you’d fallen in love with her?
In an ideal world he’d have everything. He’d live one parallel life loving Corrine and being the astronaut his father would be so proud of. In the other, he’d fulfil his dreams of leading the cancer research work and still find a way to love and maintain a relationship with Corrine.