Play Me

The situation was strained, and I wanted things to go back to the way they had been. What I really wanted to say was I was sorry and ask if we could talk, but I wasn’t able to bring myself to write those words. The look on his face when I told him I wouldn’t be riding home with him our last day together still haunted me. I knew I had hurt him, but what he didn’t know was that it had killed me to do it. I was terrified. And a coward.

I let out a breath. Since Hunter was headed out of town early for the weekend, I planned to go home in order to get in the right mindset for Monday. If I had the pilot bring me home that evening, I could get in the office the next day. Then I could power through Saturday and Sunday and get caught up on everything.

Hunter and Mac had signed five new players in the two weeks I’d been gone. All were under budget, and I had signed off on them without comment. But I wanted to review the tapes to understand the new players’ strengths. They had signed another quarterback, as well, which hadn’t made a lot of sense. But I was going to let the coaches do their thing.

From behind me, I heard a horse whinny, and I turned to see my mom riding up to me. It struck me how beautiful and graceful she was. There had been times over the last two weeks when it had been hard seeing her and Dad together. They had one of those love stories that was made for romance novels. I hoped to be like her someday, but then I was scared what that meant for my career.

“Hey, Mom.”

“I thought I might find you out here. This seems to be the place you go every evening after work.”

I turned my focus back out to the field. “This has always been one of my favorite places.”

Mom dismounted, leaving her horse to graze near mine before coming to sit beside me. A few minutes passed without either of us saying a word. I watched the grass roll and sway with the wind. Inside, I felt numb. I missed that spark I used to feel, but something had happened to me over the last two weeks. It was like the real me had disappeared and I was stuck in some sort of emotionless purgatory.

“Kendall, what’s really on your mind?”

I blinked a few times. “Work. There’s a lot going on there.”

Mom arched her eyebrow, shifting as the wind blew her blond hair away from her face. “Is it Hunter?”

“What?” I jerked back as if I had been caught sneaking candy. “Mom, no.”

I focused back onto the horses in the pasture, afraid if I kept looking at her, I might cry.

Yes, it’s Hunter. I miss him.

“My sweet Kendall. I can tell something is wrong. But if you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.”

Mom had always been so considerate. She was the rock of our family, keeping Dad in check when his crazy protectiveness reared its head. I so was tired of keeping all this inside while inside, a bit of me died each day.

I threw my arms around her neck and sobbed, “I don’t know what to do! I think I like him.”

She hugged me to her. “Did something happen?”

“I … it was different with him, and then I lied to him—and myself—about how I felt. I am so confused and don’t know what to do. I like him.”

Mom said nothing, just held me and rubbed my back while I let it out. My entire life, she had been supportive, never pushing for more until I was ready. When I’d calmed a little, she asked, “How does he feel?”

I sniffled. “I don’t know. I never gave him a chance to tell me. I just ran.”

Mom pulled back and wiped my tears away. “My sweet Kendall. You remind me so much of your father. So much. When I met him, work consumed him. But he let me in and found a way to have both.”

“I don’t know how that’s possible, Mom. There’s so much pressure and running a company that size takes a lot of dedication. If I split my focus, I won’t be able to run the company. There isn’t enough time to have both.”

Mom paused. “It’s different for me because I don’t have that corporate drive you and your dad do. But he managed to run the company as well as be an amazing father and husband. You can do it, too, Kendall. The question you have to ask yourself is: what do you want?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but Mom beat me to the punch. “Think about it. Figure out what you actually want. Then talk to your father. You don’t have to have your whole life mapped out today. And your Dad doesn’t expect you to take over tomorrow. Nothing’s been defined.”

For a second, I processed her words. She was right. No formal decision had been announced to the board. It was safe to assume his intentions, but only Dad and I had really discussed it.

“I’m scared, Mom. I mean… I’m terrified of trying and failing. I’ve never really been in a relationship.”

If I shifted my focus and lost Hunter and my ability to run the company, it would all be for naught.

Mom put her arms around me. “That comes with any risk we take. You have always taken life by storm and conquered anything in your path. But allowing yourself to be vulnerable is hard. Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you while trusting them not to.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know if it’s love.”

“But you don’t know if it’s not. You’re not really living if you’re giving up something that might make you happy just because you’re afraid.”

Mom had always had the best quotes. When she’d been a college student, her parents had been killed in a car accident. But I’d heard stories of my grandparents often. The quotes came from my grandma. Even though I’d never met her, I felt close to her. Her quotes created a roadmap on how to live your life.

My mind circled back around to Hunter and our interactions. Was it just for fun? Or is there something there?

I shook my head. “Mom, I don’t know if Hunter makes me happy. We’ve only known each other for a month or so.”

“Well, you’ll never know if you don’t give it a shot. You can have it all, Kendall. You just have to figure out what having it all means to you. I don’t want you to wake up one day and regret not exploring what you really want in this life.”

That was the question. I really had no idea. None. “Thanks, Mom. I think I need to go back to Kentucky.”

“The plane is yours to use. Do you want me to arrange it?”

I took a deep breath. “Yes. If I can fly back tonight, that would be great.”

“Consider it done. We’ll be ready to drive you to the airport when you get back.”

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Always will.”

Mom rode off, heading back toward the house, and I stared off into the distance. Hunter deserved an apology. I thought about texting him, but this needed to be face-to-face. I was going to have to grovel.

Hopefully I wasn’t too late.

19

Kendall

&nbs

p; It was early in the morning on Friday—not much past seven. I’d left my apartment at the crack of dawn to drive to Hunter’s place. My left leg bounced ninety miles a minute from all the caffeine I had consumed so far that morning. My nerves were on edge.

What if I’ve read this entire situation wrong?

I gripped the steering wheel tighter. I fought the urge to turn around and hide out underneath the mountain of paperwork in my office.

No. Stop it.

If Hunter had moved on, or I was out of line, I’d force myself to go back to business as usual. It would be fine. I would be fine.

I turned down the long drive, my heart rate speeding up the closer I got to the house.

This is it.

I put my SUV in park, immediately noticing that his truck wasn’t there. What if he’s gone? Or worse yet, has a woman in the house with him?

Shit.

I hadn’t thought this through at all. It would be hard to explain to some random woman why I’d showed up at the butt crack of dawn. I pulled my phone out of my bag and sent Hunter a text. If I found out he wasn’t alone, I could just leave and no one would be the wiser.

Me: You up?

The dots appeared and then disappeared. Then they came back. I took another sip of my coffee as I watched those dots reappear. Finally, he responded.

Hunter: It’s my day off.

Jerk. He was going to make this tough on me. I smiled in response to the familiar tingles that hit me when he replied.

Me: So the answer to my question is yes. Thanks!

Hunter: Was there something you needed?

Me: Where are you?

Please don’t be in bed with someone. Please. Please. Please.

Hunter: At my ranch. Why?

Me: No reason.

Hunter: Kendall, what is going on?

Me: Can I not just be curious where you’re at and what you’re doing?

Hunter: I’m eating a bagel.

Me: Anything else? You alone?