As soon as my head hit the pillow I could smell her. I wasn’t sure how long I tossed and turned. When I finally couldn’t keep my eyes open another minute, I drifted off into a dream. A dream of Azurdee walking along a trail with her hand on her swollen stomach.
I walked out of the elevator still dazed, confused, hurt, and angry. I wasn’t even paying attention when I ran right into someone.
“Excuse me,” I barely said as I tried to hold back my sobs.
“Azurdee?”
I stopped in my tracks and turned to see Sherry standing there.
Her smiled dropped and she said, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is Lark okay?”
My heart began slamming in my chest so hard it felt like I was having a hard time breathing.
“Azurdee…sweetheart. Come on.” She put her arm around me and quickly ushered me into the elevator.
Oh God. I’m with the woman who Lark cheated on me with. Oh God. Can’t breathe.
The elevator doors opened and we stepped into a small hallway. She guided me around a corner and quickly opened her door. The next thing I knew I was on her sofa and she was kneeling in front of me.
“Breathe…honey, breathe. You have to calm down.”
I shook my head and attempted to take deep breaths. I felt like I was in a haze. Nothing made sense right now. I put my hand on my chest and whispered, “Can’t breathe.”
“You’re having an anxiety attack. Darling, just close your eyes and focus on calming down.”
I did what she said. I was almost afraid to close my eyes for fear of picturing Lark and Sherry together in the elevator.
When I began getting my breathing under control, Sherry stood up and walked over to a mini bar. She opened a bottle of wine and poured two glasses. She walked back over and sat down on her coffee table and handed me the glass.
“Now, when you’re ready, tell me what happened.”
I took a sip of the wine. I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes.
“He pushed me away.”
“Fuck,” Sherry whispered.
I snapped my eyes open and looked at her.
She shook her head slowly and said, “He got scared. Maybe things were getting too real for him?”
I wasn’t sure why I did it but I just blurted out what I was thinking. “He said he fucked you when he left to go out of town. In the elevator. He said he couldn’t control himself any longer.”
Sherry stood up and I swore I almost saw steam coming from her ears. “That little fucking bastard. I can’t believe he brought me into this.”
She began pacing back and forth. She turned and looked at me. “When did he leave?”
I shrugged my shoulders. I couldn’t even think straight.
She began laughing. “I just got home last night from a four-week vacation in France.”
My stomach dropped. “He lied?”
She nodded her head. “Of course he lied. Think about it. What better way to push you away than say he cheated on you? Trust me sweetheart when I say this, that boy is head over heels in love with you and I’ve known him for a long time. I would bet my career that he hasn’t even glanced in the direction of another woman since you came into the picture.”
I took another sip of the wine. Then I downed it.
“Want another glass?” Sherry asked.
I nodded and said, “Please.”
I sat there and racked my brain trying to think if that was what Lark was doing. Was he pushing me away because things were getting too real for him?
I shook my head. No. The letters. The bottle. Our Journey.
I looked up at Sherry as she handed me another glass of wine. “No, he is pushing me away because of something different. I think he’s…I think he’s trying to protect me from something. Or someone.”
Sherry raised her eyebrow and tilted her head. “Like who?”
I needed to be careful what I said to her. “Gah…I don’t know. Maybe I’m making excuses for him. Maybe he just isn’t the one girl kind of guy.” I felt the tears building in my eyes again. If he truly loved me though…he would want to protect me. He would want me near him to keep me safe. Maybe he cheated on me with someone else and just said Sherry.
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I stood up and smiled at Sherry. “Thank you so much for being so kind. I really appreciate it. I think I better get home.”
Sherry walked me to the door and placed her hand on my shoulder. “Please know that I’m here for you if you ever need anything.”
I smiled but it was weird knowing that she and Lark had a past together. “I appreciate that. I just think I need to get some sleep.”
I walked into the elevator and made my way to my car. Lark had gotten another spot for me to park and I held my breath the entire way there. I was sure he would be standing there. When I walked around the corner and didn’t see him I began crying again.
I drove the whole way home crying my eyes out and trying to understand how a person goes from telling you they love you to telling you they don’t.
By the time my head hit the pillow, I was completely out of tears. I just needed to sleep. I needed to sleep and thought that maybe I would wake up and it would all have been just a bad dream.
“Azurdee? Azurdee?” I saw Jessie snapping her fingers in front of my face, but I was totally lost in another world as I sat on the sofa. A world where Lark never hurt me. A world where he never let me walk out of his life like I never meant a thing to him.
I smiled weakly and said, “Sorry. I was just thinking.”
Jessie smiled and tilted her head. “Have you heard from him at all?”
I shook my head. “Has Scott?”
She frowned and said, “I don’t think so. If Scott’s talked to him, he hasn’t told me.”
“I can’t believe it’s been a month already. He hasn’t called, texted, nothing. I just sit here every day expecting him to come to his senses but maybe…maybe he never really loved me in the first place.”
Jessie grabbed my hands and got down on the floor in front of me as she looked up into my eyes. “Bullshit. I saw the way he looked at you. Everyone saw it. Have you talked to Tristan?”
I shook my head. “No. Ryn’s called me though. She and I are actually going out tonight. She is insisting we are going out to drink and party the Williams boys out of our system.” I quickly wiped the tear from my face and said, “I don’t want to forget him. I love him, Jess. I love him so much and something just doesn’t feel right. The way he looked at me. It was like he was pushing me away for a reason and he didn’t want to do it.”
Jessie let out a sigh and said, “You’re going out? Where?”
I rolled my eyes. “The Red 7. Ryn has been bugging me for two weeks.”
Jessie sat down next to me and let out a laugh. “Does she know you are so not a club kind of girl?”
I smiled weakly. “Yes. But she said she wants to see my ass grinding on some serious dick tonight.”
I looked at Jessie and we both busted out laughing. We laughed so hard I had tears coming from my eyes. I wasn’t even sure why we thought that was so funny. I needed that laugh. It was almost therapeutic in a way.
Jessie had stayed for a few hours and I knew what she was
doing. I felt like I was being babysat. She had been calling me every single day since the breakup, and I knew it must have been because Lark told Scott.
After I walked Jessie out to her car and made plans to meet for lunch the next week, I turned and slowly made my way back into the house. I was tempted to text Ryn and tell her I wasn’t up for going out, but she had been so excited and honestly I was so sick of trying to figure out what happened with me and Lark that I needed a night out. Maybe I would even get drunk.
As I walked up to Ryn’s door my stomach felt sick. I wasn’t really in the mood for this, but maybe this would get my mind off of Lark. Ryn opened her door and looked me up and down. “Holy hell. Look at you.”
I held my hands up and smiled.
“Jesus. I’m going to have to fight you for men tonight,” she said as I laughed and looked down at my satin cocktail dress. It was covered in beaded crystals with a high round collar. It opened in the back and went so far down I was pretty sure my ass would be showing if it went any lower. The dress was gold with silver accents on it.
“You like it? I actually bought it for Joyce and Peter’s anniversary party but…”
She held up her hand and said, “No talk of the Williams boys or their adorable parents who I fell in love with. That just makes me hate Tristan even more.”
I chuckled as I walked into her apartment and looked around. It was the first time I had been here. It was decorated exactly like I had pictured it would look like. Very simple with just small touches of the outside brought in. No bright colors. All neutral and soft colors.
I turned and looked at her. Ryn was breathtaking. She must have been about five-four. Beautiful wavy brown hair, and the bluest of blue eyes. She was wearing a light blue cocktail dress that emphasized her eyes even more. Her hair was pulled up, with pieces of hair pulled down to frame her beautiful face. She grabbed her clutch purse and put a scarf over her shoulders and gave me a wink.
“Let’s go party.”
The second we walked into the club I felt the headache coming on. The music was moving through my body and I instantly thought of Lark. I was wishing Ryn had picked another club to come to, but she knew the manager and from what I could gather they might have had something going on. She waved and pointed as she shouted to me. “There’s Dodge. Come on, I want to introduce you. He’s gonna shit his pants when he lays his eyes on you.”